Help, I Don’t Understand My Step-Children!

Any parent will tell you that each child is unique and that you can recognize a child’s individual traits very early on: some cry a lot, others need constant attention, while some are perfectly content to play by themselves for hours. But a step-parent likely doesn’t have the advantage of having known their step-children since birth. You are required to “step in” and parent with little knowledge of how your step-children operate, or what’s known as their temperament.

Temperament is the inborn nature of a person. It’s the way God wired us. Notice I didn’t say “personality,” which is really just the mask or persona we put on for ourselves and others. Personality gets a lot of attention in our culture, which prizes the individual, but it’s not nearly as accurate a depiction of how we truly work as temperament is. 

How to Not to Hate Your Husband’s Ex

If you are reading this, you are probably part of the small percentage of step-mothers who do not have an amicable relationship with your new children’s mother. Put another way, you’ve got baby mama drama. Despite all of your efforts and attempts, this woman cannot seem to move past whatever issues she is reeling from and see that you have her children’s best interests at heart.

It can be incredibly difficult to not have a good working relationship with your step-children’s biological mother—logistically and emotionally. To make matters worse, her constant attempts to berate her ex—your husband and your step-children’s father—are causing tremendous damage on the children’s precious hearts. And it’s fueling a righteous indignation in your heart. 

Struggling With Loneliness After Divorce

Perhaps you have just experienced the surprise of your life when your spouse came home and told you he was leaving.  Or you could be one of the many who has been in a miserable situation that despite all of your efforts didn’t work out. Even if you saw it coming, went to counseling and had your support group on call, nothing prepared you for the tremendous loneliness you now feel.

In my practice I have seen countless mature women revert back to feeling like little girls in the face of a companionless life. Knowing they are not ready to enter the dating scene, and having no desire for going out  yet still feeling the need for connection, they feel lost.  And often times wind up in situations that they regret terribly later.  I have seen the gamut—going to bars just to feel attractive, having rebound sex, or even marrying another person they hardly know. 

No One at Church Will Talk to Me: Tips for Being Accepted When You Are Divorced and Attractive

It’s been a long journey, but finally you are free.  Perhaps you were in a tumultuous marriage and you are now looking forward to the new life God has in store for you. Or perhaps your divorce was completely unexpected and you are finally getting to the other side of the shock of your life.  Either way, you’ve worked hard to start feeling good about yourself again.

But nothing could prepare you for what is going on in the very place that should bring you comfort—the church.

Instead of love and healing, you are being met with avoidance.  You are not invited anywhere.  When the congregants break off into groups you feel like the geeky kid in school who was picked last for sports.