7 Things You Need To Do When You’re Angry

 

 

By: Kris Reece, Counselor, Author, Speaker

Whether you are hot under the collar or a full blown pressure cooker, everyone feels anger.  It is the most common emotion we all share.  We can feel it from the rising of our body temperature to the unsettled discomfort in our own skin.

Anger can come in many forms mild irritation to righteous indignation.  Mom gets angry when she is cut sitting in more traffic than her schedule will allow.  Little Timmy gets angry when his big sister sits on his toy.  Dad kicks the dog because a coworker is undermining his work.  These are just some every day examples of how we all experience anger.  It’s inescapable, but one does not have to give in to its demands.

How we respond to anger is a learned trait.  We typically learn by what we’ve experienced especially in the home.  If Jr. sees Dad getting angry and throwing things this is typically how Jr. will respond in future when he gets angry.

There are two schools of thought. 

What Your Reactions Reveal About You

By: Kris Reece, Author of Build a Beautiful Life Out of Broken Pieces

 

 

Why is it that some people react to situations with such peace and calm, while others make you wonder (or perhaps say out loud), “What is wrong with you?”

We all have the same built-in defense mechanisms and they are there for a reason.

They are designed to call us to action. Think of the fight or flight response. This is good thing. In the face of imminent danger—like a bear in our backyard or a car racing towards us—we don’t have time to pull up a seat, make a list of the pros and cons and evaluate the situation. The response needs to be quick and assertive.

But sadly, many lead their everyday lives in this fight or flight mode.

Think of a typical scenario that occurs while driving:  One person cuts another person off. No one gets hurt, there is no damage to the car. Some of us will perhaps get startled, or mildly irritated, but recover quickly and keep on driving.

Some people will flail their arms, point their fingers, or let loose some curse words. (And maybe all three.)

Why Owning Your Flaws Can Boost Your Happiness

By: Kris Reece, Author of Build a Beautiful Life Out of Broken Pieces

Have you ever encountered someone who acts like they don’t do anything wrong—ever? They never admit to making mistakes and have a justification for everything that doesn’t work out in their favor. If they didn’t do the report to the boss’s satisfaction, they blame everyone else.

Or perhaps you’ve experienced someone blatantly lying. And when you call them out on it, they lie again to cover it up.

Encounters with these kinds of people can be frustrating and exhausting. They pretend to be something they’re not to impress you—or to make them feel better about themselves. They never admit a fault and actually believe that people buy into their façade.

The sad part is this is so far from the truth.

We all have flaws. We all know that we all have flaws. But still, many of us try to fool others into thinking that we’ve got it all together.

How Much of Your Past is Holding You Back?

Are you an eternal optimist—no matter what goes wrong, you feel that it will all work out in the end? Or are you feeling trapped, seeing no way out of your troubles and losing hope?

We all have hopes and dreams but many have given up on achieving them. They remain in the recesses of your mind where there are tucked away nice and safe. You’ve acclimated to the ways of your surroundings in an effort to comfort yourself, but deep inside you have dreams. Big dreams.

The question then is, what is holding you back from achieving your dreams? If you’ve attended motivational seminars, or you’ve prayed, or you’ve even taken some steps with no real progress to show, perhaps the wall you hit each time could be your past.

In an effort to move forward, sometimes you need to look back. Not to dwell, but to evaluate. Just like in school, when you need to review what you’ve already covered before you move on to the next thing.

The problem is that most people don’t like to look at their past. And if they do it is through rose-colored glasses. They don’t assume responsibility for mistakes they’ve made, or they blame others and pretend that what transpired didn’t affect them.

There is one exercise that is common for me to give my clients. It’s called

The Secret to Making Good Decisions

By: Kris Reece, Counselor, Coach, Speaker

Each of us has an innate ability to sense danger and respond—otherwise known as the flight or fight response. Our decision to stay and fight or flee is based upon a very strong emotion—fear. This comes in handy when we are being chased by a lion or held up at gun point, but what happens when most of our life decisions are made in that fearful place?

It’s common to make decisions based on how you feel. You’ve heard other people—or have yourself—say things like, “I just felt like it,” or ,“ I feel like I should be doing…,” or ,“ I don’t feel like doing…”

Your emotions are great indicators for how you feel about something and can be used to help guide your decision making process, but using your emotions as the basis for decision-making leads to murky territory.

Why? Emotions are fickle. They can be a great guide but they can also be the very thing that leads you into traps and down paths that take years to recover from.

You Were Never Meant to Fit In

A sense of belonging is one of our greatest human needs.  From our earliest childhood moments, we just want to be a part of something.  We want to fit in.

Think of the school-aged girl looking to be a part of the popular clique, or the young boy who just wants to be accepted into the club. As kids, we would do anything to feel like we fit in somewhere. We all wanted to be one of the first to be picked for the team and if we were ever excluded from a party invitation, life was over!

But what happens when you spend a lifetime trying to fit in? You may never have been rejected outright, but for some reason, you never felt like you fit in completely with any one group.

This common phenomenon is painful, but it actually makes a lot of sense and is a very good sign. Why?