You’ve finally found the love of your life. But there’s only one problem: It seems too good to be true. Everything in you wants to love and receive love from this person, but you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. The fear of being dumped haunts you until you are robbed of all joy.


Have you finally found the love of your life, but can’t seem to enjoy yourself because it seems too good to be true? Do you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop until you are robbed of all joy?


Do you often find fault in you mate, but are confused whenever your mate has a problem with you?


Often times people with trauma in their pasts—such as neglect, abandonment, or codependency—find themselves behaving in ways that they know aren’t conducive to a harmonious relationship, but they can’t seem to understand why. It’s because the trauma has left an imprint that makes you view everything that happens to you from the viewpoint of a wounded person. As a result, you won’t trust that good things can happen to you and you’ll be subconsciously defensive in an effort to protect yourself from further hurt. It makes sense why this happens, but if you don’t take steps to re-calibrate this imprint, you’ll never have the loving relationship you’re longing for.


To tell if this is you, ask yourself if you’re sabotaging your relationship in one of the five following ways:


  1. You think it’s all about you. Insecurity is a carnal preoccupation with oneself. So if you are insecure, you are likely thinking too much about yourself and how you feel. This leaves no room for understanding your mate, which is detrimental to your relationship.
  2. You think it has nothing to do with you. While this seems like a complete contradiction to what I just said, there does come a time where you must do a healthy inventory on yourself. Your romantic partner likely isn’t to blame for all the issues that you’re having in your relationship. If you don’t start taking responsibility for your part, you can kiss the relationship good-bye—and say hello to an even higher level of insecurity.
  3. You haven’t unpacked your baggage. If you want a healthy relationship, it’s imperative to get healing from your past. You may think that it’s all water under the bridge, but there is something lurking in the corners of your mind that needs to be brought out into the light and dealt with. You want to be free in this relationship, not burdened with baggage.
  4. You communicate in an unhealthy manner. Many of my clients feel they must give in to their emotions and verbally vomit on their mate (and that their mate should understand). Or, on the other hand, they feel they should learn to keep their mouth shut. Both approaches will sabotage the relationship. Instead, learn to communicate your feelings with truth AND love. Being vulnerable with your mate can help draw you together, while being insecure and needy can tear you apart. If you don’t know how to express your feelings, get help from a counselor, therapist, or coach.
  5. You avoid doing anything remotely uncomfortable. You have likely built a wall of protection to keep from being hurt. But true romantic relationships have a way of exposing you to the point where you feel naked and uncomfortable. Learning how to handle your insecure feelings can be down right uncomfortable, but that’s OK. Lifting weights is uncomfortable too, but with practice you actually get stronger.


Letting go of your insecurity is the key that makes a loving, lasting relationship possible. It’s not your partner’s responsibility to make your insecurity go away—it’s yours. Are you ready?



P.S.  If you are having trouble dealing with difficult people, I want to invite you to grab a copy of your FREE Guide – “Toxic People Survival Guide – How to Identity and Deal with Difficult People” It’s yours free.  This guide will show you how to identify the 5 types of difficult people and how to deal with each one.

May peace and joy be yours!

4 replies
  1. Monique Veal
    Monique Veal says:

    This is so true and the biggest challenge is balance. Healthy communication in any relationship is the lifeline. I believe in discussing all trauma and the pain of my past with my hubby. It has brought much understanding and a deeper heart connection. We must give them a chance to help us heal and be transparent and naked without shame or fear. This is an area I will work on with God’s help. Thanks for sharing.

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