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3 Lies You’re Probably Telling Yourself Without Realizing It

Have you ever wondered why your life hasn’t turned out the way you expected? Is it bad luck? Or someone else’s fault? Or God’s plan?

In my counseling and coaching of women I have seen that there are three subtle lies that a vast majority of women are telling themselves daily. And it’s these lies that are keeping you from all that God created you to be.

Subtle lie #1: If I only had more time, I could do everything I want to do

I refer to this as a “go-to lie” because it’s where so many people’s thinking seems to go. I’m not saying you’re not busy. We’re all busy. But the difference between successful people and people who are unfulfilled is how they spend their time. Unfulfilled people are focused on the urgent, not the important. It takes discipline to focus on what’s important and not giving in to every little distraction life throws at us.

You may use your jam-packed schedule as an excuse for not taking care of your health or going back to school, but if someone you loved walked in to the room with deep, bleeding gash, you’d find the time to go to the hospital. Or if you ran into an old friend you’d find an hour to catch up.  Everything in life is a choice. And you always have the power to choose to spend time on the things that are truly important to you.

Subtle lie #2: There’s something wrong with me.

How is it that we can know in our heads that God has made each one of us uniquely different (Psalm 139:13) yet still assume something is wrong with us. Your words may say, “I don’t care what they think,” but your heart is longing to fit in.

In my practice, I review my clients’ temperaments and each one is so distinctive that I find it simply amazing. But many women who have grown up with a different temperament than perhaps their parents or siblings are made to feel like they need to change. This breaks my heart as I see the number of years wasted. God made you EXACTLY the way he wanted you to be, and He doesn’t make mistakes.

Subtle lie #3: I’m not good enough

This lie comes from one of two places: it was either a message you consistently heard in childhood, or a sign of your inexperience.


Messages from childhood can leave a lasting impression on your deep core beliefs. But at the end of the day, you still have the choice as to whether or not you want to believe that lie.


More often, the lie of not being good enough comes from a lack of confidence. And a lack of confidence comes only from a lack of experience, and experience can be gained. Now that I’ve done it dozens of times, I have plenty of confidence to get up and speak in front of a room full of people. But I wouldn’t feel confident about flying an aircraft. The “I’m not good enough” lie can only begin to disappear when you start to step out and learn what you need to learn. The worst thing you can do is allow the lie to keep you from even starting, because that only further perpetuates the “I’m not good enough” lie.

All the lies we tell ourselves come from one source: toxic thinking. And toxic thoughts grow from core beliefs that have been so deeply embedded into your subconscious that you don’t even realize you are thinking that way and sabotaging your own success.

Take a FREE “How toxic are your thoughts?” quiz to find out if your lies are holding you back in life.


Your Friend,


10 replies
  1. Sharon
    Sharon says:

    Yep. I’ve heard myself say all three. The last one though is the hard one to kill! If we don’t change our inward view the outward will be hard to manifest. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Maryann
    Maryann says:

    Thank you for your heart in this topic. These are reminders for all of us, even if we lean towards being confident in ourselves, which I am not. I really can relate to #3, standing by that Jesus is the one who is enough and can carry us. Thank you, again.

  3. Chioma
    Chioma says:

    Thank you so much for reminding us of this. More than ever, I’m more conscious of the these sort of lies. It’s not always easy to reject them but prayer and biblical affirmations have helped me.

  4. Denise Davis
    Denise Davis says:

    I really enjoyed reading this. Sadly to say, I have also told myself these lies different times in my life. Your writing seemed to have shined a light into my thought life. God bless you!

  5. jiselle jones
    jiselle jones says:

    oh all so true! for many years the things that happened in my childhood affected the way I saw myself and helped me make terrible decisions for my life! and choosing to focus on the important things is a must.

  6. Marsha
    Marsha says:

    God’s done a lot of work in my life to get rid of those toxic thoughts. It’s definitely a daily intention to fill my mind with His word and His truth.

  7. Cathy McIntosh
    Cathy McIntosh says:

    Oh, my. Yes. Guilty on all 3 counts. I do believe you’ve “read my mail!” 🙂 I do feel, however, that God is reminding me daily who I am in Him – that I can do all things through Christ. He’s filling my confidence tank through HIS value for me and little by little, I’m saying goodbye to toxic thoughts. This post really hit home – thanks for sharing it!

  8. Sonya
    Sonya says:

    Thank you, Kris for sharing this post! Our thoughts can be so toxic and contribute to feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. What we think is really the only thing that we can control, and until we start replacing that negative self–talk with healthy biblical self–talk that is true—we can’t fully experience the freedom that we have through Christ Jesus. A couple of years ago I started to be intentional with what I was saying to myself. I was so surprised at how much negative self–talk I had continually cultivated. I’m so thankful for this realization in my life—it has been transformational. I hope many people read what you have written and take your quiz. It could be the first step in transforming their lives in amazing ways that are more than they ever thought possible.

  9. Michelle Helen
    Michelle Helen says:

    I cannot tell you how true this is! Number 1. I always used “being busy” as an excuse for everything, but with the expected arrival of a third baby, I knew that I had to do something. I started fighting that mentality, focused on managing my time, and wouldn’t you know it? I have more time on my hands now with three young children than I did with two! It is all about choices, discipline, and priorities! Thank you so much for sharing!

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