It’s disappointing, heartbreaking, and shocking when someone who says they love you, lets you down. I mean, you asked yourself questions like, “How did I not see this?” “How could they do this to me?” And you may even struggle with letting go for fear of hurting them. And Proverbs 4:2 3 says, “Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.”
But what do you, what does guarding your heart actually mean? And how can I do it biblically? You see, when I was younger, I was so tender-hearted and I was so starved for attention that anyone who gave me the time of day would get my attention. And it was actually pretty sad. You see, the problem was, is I was so desperate. And as a result, I decided that this vulnerability thing wasn’t going to work for me.
You see because I had been hurt more times than I could possibly count. And I was really getting tired of getting hurt. So I decided that I wasn’t going to do this vulnerability thing anymore. And I was going to put my walls up. That was my version of guarding my heart. And as I look back, I could see that it wasn’t necessarily their fault. Now I’m not saying that these were good people who deserved any of my time or, but what I am saying is that they were who they were. You see, the problem was is that I was too desperate to see it. And yes, as a result, I decided that that whole vulnerability thing wasn’t gonna work for me. So I transformed myself into this emotionally unavailable young lady who walked around with a fortress of walls surrounding her. You see, I was protecting myself and I made a vow that no one would ever hurt me again.
And one might say that that was me guarding my heart, but that’s not God’s idea of protecting yourself from evil toxic people. You see, when you learn how to guard your heart properly, you position yourself to make healthier decisions because you have better discernment and you remain tender and vulnerable without being a doormat. And you develop a more loving way of communicating your boundaries. And most of all, you don’t put all of your emotional eggs into someone else’s basket. Okay?
1. Understand what prevents you from guarding your heart.
So this could be rejection, abandonment, fear of being alone. In my case, it was a desperate need for love. My friend did is important to identify what is stopping you because you’ll need it before you take step number two.
2. Give it to God.
Don’t give it to anyone on this earth, not husband, sister, mother, father, brother, pastor, or a friend will ever be able to provide you all that you need because it’s not their job. And that’s the problem that I noticed with people that have trouble guarding their hearts. It’s not so much needing to learn the tactics it’s that they are not allowing God to heal. What is hurting inside of them? And they’re putting all of these expectations on other people. Is he my friend, God is your source. The people he puts in your life are just a resource, hopefully, a valuable, precious resource. But yeah, still just a resource. You will need to learn how to go to God to get your mental and emotional needs met. Otherwise, you’re going to remain a target for toxic people. Philippians 4:6-7 says be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
3. Turn from evil.
Stop thinking that you can change someone or that you have to stay and tolerate toxic behavior because this person holds a title in your life. My friend, this is one of the biggest mistakes that we make in terms of thinking that we’re loving with the love of Jesus. When in reality, what we’re doing is we’re allowing evil to perpetuate you see not everyone deserves your time, your attention, your love, your affection scripture tells us do not cast your pearls to swine. Now I’m not calling these other people pigs. But what I am saying is that we do not give what is valuable and holy to people who are going to trample on it. And that is probably one of the biggest steps that we need to take in terms of learning, how to guard our hearts.
Just because you want to trust other people, doesn’t make the people that you’re trying to give your trust to trustworthy just because you want to love everyone else doesn’t mean that they are deserving of that level of love. So please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I am not saying that we are not called to love others, but we have a very distorted view of what love is. W w God calls it a God bay love. We really call it enabling. We tolerate toxic evil behavior. All in the name of love. My friend, this is not godly. This is not biblical. And we wonder why our hearts get trampled. Well, it’s because we threw them out in the middle of the highway. You really want to begin to protect yourself and recognize when it is optimal to share what’s on your heart. What’s in your head?
What’s going on in your life? You have to be able to evaluate this step.
4. Hope in God.
My friend, their hope is hopeless just because you’re an eternal optimist, doesn’t make you faith-filled, being positive. That someone will treat you better simply because you are treating them well. Isn’t hope it’s actually foolishness. Yes, we are called to overcome evil with good, but this crosses over into dangerous territory. When your hope is in the outcome, not in God’s will. And oftentimes we desire something so badly that we are blind to the signs that God is sending. When someone shows you, who they really are. I love that when someone shows you who they are, believe them, my friend, I don’t care what their words say. I don’t care what they think they want from the relationship. You will know them by their fruit and to ignore the signs all in the name of love or positivity is going to be foolish.
5. Remain open and vulnerable.
And step number five to guarding your heart is to remain open and vulnerable. But here’s what I want to encourage you. You only want to remain open and vulnerable to those who deserve it. Those who deserve it are those that show you consistently, that they can be trusted with your desires, your emotions, your feelings, my friend, not everybody deserves that place. And again, just because somebody has a title in your life doesn’t mean they deserve automatic access.