I was always a strong-headed young lady. From the time I was a little girl I learned how to get other kids to see things my way. But when that strength became a controlling weakness in my life, I knew it needed to change.
I’m not sure when my control problems started. Maybe it was when I recognized that I wanted more out of life and thought I had to go get it myself. Or maybe it was after my first two boyfriends dumped me like a hot potato. Or perhaps it was my fear of rejection that led me to try and control everyone and everything in my life.
I reached a point where my need to control was so out of control that I found myself resorting to any measure I could think of. I would manipulate or demand and if that didn’t work, I would even try to control with my mind. I guess I thought that I could will others to do what I wanted it if just strained my mind hard enough, like you see in those creepy sci-fi movies.
But there came a time where my mind-melding techniques weren’t working and I was just exhausted. I knew I had to ditch the control thing. But it wasn’t that easy. Although it hadn’t brought the results I wanted, trying to control things had brought me comfort for many years. What would I do if I didn’t try to control?
What finally compelled me to truly change my ways was seeing the relationships that I loved being damaged. I realized that I was driving people I loved away with my striving to control situations, so I finally started to release my death grip on my life and the lives of the people I loved.
And when I did, I learned 3 valuable lessons that made me break up with control FOREVER!
Lesson number 1: I Learned to trust God. When I let go of control I learned that my worry was a useless attempt at control. What did I truly have to worry about? God saved me from a pathetic life of sin, he provided for all of my needs and He only wants what’s best for me. When someone on this Earth does that for me, I certainly trust them, so why not trust God?
Lesson number 2: I Learned to enjoy surprises. When I was a control freak, there was no way I could be surprised because I had to know everything—who was doing what, when, and why. But when I broke up with that mindset, I began to enjoy not knowing. No, not everything turned out the way I hoped, but many things turned out better than I ever expected. Had I continued to try and control everything, God wouldn’t have been able to move on my behalf and surprise me in ways I never thought possible.
Lesson number 3: I Learned to be content. I realized that there are seasons in life; seasons of blessings, seasons of testing, and seasons of abundance. And if I embraced each season for what it was, I would endure the valleys better and enjoy the highs all that much more. I love how the apostle Paul puts it in Phil 4:12b-12: “I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”
I see too many women trying to take matters into their own hands. If you are struggling to let go of control, remember we serve a mighty big God and it’s our job to follow Him, not His job to follow us.
Remember, you are responsible for being obedient, not for creating the outcome.