How I Broke Up with Control and Got My Life Back

I was always a strong-headed young lady. From the time I was a little girl I learned how to get other kids to see things my way. But when that strength became a controlling weakness in my life, I knew it needed to change.

I’m not sure when my control problems started. Maybe it was when I recognized that I wanted more out of life and thought I had to go get it myself. Or maybe it was after my first two boyfriends dumped me like a hot potato. Or perhaps it was my fear of rejection that led me to try and control everyone and everything in my life.


I reached a point where my need to control was so out of control that I found myself resorting to any measure I could think of. I would manipulate or demand and if that didn’t work, I would even try to control with my mind. I guess I thought that I could will others to do what I wanted it if just strained my mind hard enough, like you see in those creepy sci-fi movies.


But there came a time where my mind-melding techniques weren’t working and I was just exhausted. I knew I had to ditch the control thing. But it wasn’t that easy. Although it hadn’t brought the results I wanted, trying to control things had brought me comfort for many years. What would I do if I didn’t try to control?


What finally compelled me to truly change my ways was seeing the relationships that I loved being damaged. I realized that I was driving people I loved away with my striving to control situations, so I finally started to release my death grip on my life and the lives of the people I loved.


And when I did, I learned 3 valuable lessons that made me break up with control FOREVER!


Lesson number 1: I Learned to trust God. When I let go of control I learned that my worry was a useless attempt at control. What did I truly have to worry about? God saved me from a pathetic life of sin, he provided for all of my needs and He only wants what’s best for me. When someone on this Earth does that for me, I certainly trust them, so why not trust God?


Lesson number 2: I Learned to enjoy surprises. When I was a control freak, there was no way I could be surprised because I had to know everything—who was doing what, when, and why. But when I broke up with that mindset, I began to enjoy not knowing. No, not everything turned out the way I hoped, but many things turned out better than I ever expected. Had I continued to try and control everything, God wouldn’t have been able to move on my behalf and surprise me in ways I never thought possible.


Lesson number 3: I Learned to be content. I realized that there are seasons in life; seasons of blessings, seasons of testing, and seasons of abundance. And if I embraced each season for what it was, I would endure the valleys better and enjoy the highs all that much more. I love how the apostle Paul puts it in Phil 4:12b-12: “I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.”

I see too many women trying to take matters into their own hands. If you are struggling to let go of control, remember we serve a mighty big God and it’s our job to follow Him, not His job to follow us.

Remember, you are responsible for being obedient, not for creating the outcome.


By Kris Reece, Counselor, Coach, Speaker

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