Have you ever been let down by someone? I mean royally hurt by the very person you thought was your ride or die.
No one gets through life without being let down. Sometimes we’re unintentionally hurt by the mistakes of those who love. Other times we’re betrayed by the evil, self-centered motives of those we thought cared.
Many of us travel through life trying to avoid getting hurt. We put up defenses and erect walls that keep people at a distance.
But since love and relationship are one of our greatest human needs, avoidance is not the best option.
Relationships are messy. And when you combine our sinful nature with our selfish desires, you often have a recipe for hurt. So what do you do when someone does you wrong?
Forgiveness feels like the last thing you want to do. But it’s the very thing that will set you free. Everything in you screams revenge, but acting on that revenge will only cause more harm to you.
Matthew 6:15 hits us with a hard truth: “But if you do not forgive others of their sins, your Father in heaven will not forgive your sins.”
Ouch.
If that’s not motivation to let something go, I don’t know what is. But the decision to forgive doesn’t always come with a warm fuzzy feeling.
So how can you forgive someone who has done you wrong?
1. Try talking to them.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” (Matthew 18:15) There are some offenses that can be worked out with some talking (and maybe counseling). This can lead to a stronger relationship after.
2. Remember God’s vengeance.
Romans 12:19 reminds us of God’s power: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”
God can pay back better than you ever could. If you can let go of when and how, God’s vengeance is much sweeter. Be patient. You’ll see.
3. Metabolize the offense.
We often want to guard ourselves against future offenses after we’ve been hurt, but if not done properly this can lead to keeping good people at a distance. Instead, take the offense in and gather what you’ve learned—what you would have done differently and what part you may have played. This will help lessen the chances of it happening again without having to put up walls the size of Fort Knox
4. Stop stalking them.
You may not be driving around in a blacked out car and peeking through their windows, but if you’re checking them out on social media, you’re stalking. You can only move on when you’ve cut all ties. Seeing them happy on social media will only torment you. (Plus it’s likely a lie, since, let’s face it, if they hurt you that bad and have no remorse, there’s no way they are genuinely happy.)
5. Build your self-esteem.
In an effort to feel better about ourselves, we tend to tear others down. But the only problem is, this method KEEPS you down. Instead, do what you need to build your self-esteem. Get reconnected with who you are and what God created you for. You have better things to focus on in life than the one who did you wrong.
6. Pray for them.
And mean it. Nothing will change your heart towards a person more than sincerely giving them up to God and asking for their heart to be changed and their minds to be healed. Go ahead, try it. I dare you.
7. Don’t let their wrong make you wrong.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. And someday, you’ll have to give an account for all of your actions. As much as blaming others works here on earth, it won’t fly in heaven. Romans 12:17 reminds us: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil, be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.” This doesn’t mean that you have to trust this person (that would make you a fool), but it does mean that you are responsible for how you respond.
Realizing that being let down is a part of life that can prepare you for to open your heart to all those well-meaning people who are looking to love you for you.
If you feel you’ve had more than your fair share of wrong-doings by people you thought you could trust, download my Toxic People Survival Guide. It doesn’t have to be this way! There are too many good people out there waiting to love you.
