How to Have a Gentle and Quiet Spirit (Without Feeling Like a Doormat)

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

Between my God-given temperament and my years of being self sufficient, I had developed a spirit of harshness. I would disguise it as “I’m just telling it like it is” or “You just don’t want to hear the truth.” But the truth was, I didn’t want to let my guard down. I wanted to be in control so I wouldn’t get trampled.

It wasn’t until I remembered that God longs to fight my battles for me, and that He will protect me should anyone sin against me. Once I had those two pieces right in my mind, I was able to let that guard down and embrace the idea of being quiet and gentle.

It wasn’t easy, because this world does not praise meekness. In fact, it’s synonymous for weakness (and they happen to rhyme).

But having a quiet and gentle spirit not only is Christ-like, it brings more peace and brings less regret into your life. If you’ve ever said something out of anger and wished you could take it back, you know what I mean.

Maybe you’ve recently seen the hardness you carry and are ready to become the woman God created you to be. But you’re afraid that if you soften your heart, others will walk all over you.

There is hope. If you are ready to go from being a hard taskmaster to a loving peacemaker, Here are 3 Steps:

1. Submit

Jesus requires submission from the heart. When you submit your life to Christ, you are saying, “I may not understand, Lord, but I trust you.” This way you can know that even when others try to take advantage of you, God’s got your back.

2. Offer others grace

How many times have you been wrong, but have not suffered the consequences for it? It’s been too numerous to count for me. We are required to have that same grace for the mistakes of others. I’m not saying you enable others’ bad behavior, but I am saying, let them off your wheel and put them back on the potter’s wheel instead.

3. Love

Love is an action, not a feeling. And you can’t exude love if you don’t have true love in you. Receive His love and it will begin to overflow to others. (Even those you don’t like!)

Perhaps you’d like to be more gentle in spirit but fear that implementing these steps will give others permission to treat you like a doormat.  That’s normal.

There can be an adjustment period while you’re learning to walk in the 3 steps.

Be patient with yourself. But most of all, remember to trust that God is ready and willing to fight your battles.

He doesn’t take kindly to those who take advantage of his children.

So, you can confidently say to yourself “my God’s got this” and you can go about doing good.

If you have been struggling with getting the desires of your heart met, I want to invite you to take the next step.  My book The Sacred Seven is a Guidebook to helping you unlock the desires of your heart.  Grab your copy today. Don’t stay stuck another day.


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