Does God Expect Christians to Stay with Narcissists?
Are you struggling with toxic people? Maybe it’s a stonewalling husband, a narcissistic mother, or an overbearing boss. Well, I want to invite you to grab a copy of our Free Toxic People Survival Guide.
Narcissists are marked by an inflated sense of their own importance, whether it’s overtly or covertly, they struggle in genuine relationships because they lack of authenticity. Authenticity is when what’s on the inside matches, what’s on the outside and they are anything, but authentic. Narcissists are like aliens that come to this planet and have to copy the behaviors of others that will get them what they want. Now, if you are struggling in a narcissistic relationship and you want the specific signs of a Christian narcissist, I want to encourage you to jump on up to this video here.
One of the most difficult relationships that you will ever have to endure is with a narcissist. On their best day, they are manipulative and controlling on their worst day they are emotionally abusive and destructive. And the term narcissist may be thrown around loosely to describe every ex-spouse and person that you don’t like, but make no mistake narcissism is a real problem that can wreak havoc in your life. But what are you do? When as a Christian, you’re told to love one another turn the other cheek forgive bear one another’s burdens. Well, that’s why I want to talk to you today about the common narcissistic behaviors and what the Bible says we should do about them.
Common Narcissistic Behaviors and What the Bible Says to Do About Them
One common trait of narcissists is their grandest sense of themselves. It is all about them, whether they are overly demanding or covertly manipulating narcissists think they are better than you. And if they’re not better than you then they’ve been somehow jilted in life and it’s probably your fault. They are your classic entitled brats.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 says, but understand that, “In the last days, there will come times of difficulty for people will be lovers of self, lovers of money proud, arrogant, abusive disobedient to their parents ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure, rather than lovers of God having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.”
Avoid such people. Do you have it? My friend? That’s what the Bible says, avoid such people. Let’s go on.
Another common trait of narcissists is they are manipulative. Look let’s call this for what it is. Manipulation is a form of lying and I realize that every sweet-sounding woman with a high-pitched voice, may seem so innocent, but behind the manipulation is a series of lies meant to get you to think that she has your best interest at heart. But the truth is, it’s only meant to serve her purpose. And I see this, a lot in Christian circles, especially with covert narcissism. They come across as very timid, and very innocent, but deep inside they are manipulative control freaks.
Who else do we know is a liar? Satan.
John 8:44 tells us that “He is the father of Lies.” He is the master manipulator and these manipulators even exist in the church. Here’s what. 2 Peter 2 says, it gives a graphic description of what to do about false teachers and in 2 Timothy 3:6 we are warned about manipulators who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires.
So what does the Bible say about narcissists? Beware. Narcissists are also unforgiving, but make no mistake about it. Narcissists are grudge holders. They say that they have forgiven you especially if it’s something that they know would put them in a favorable light, but make no mistake my friend, that offense is waiting to be used at a more opportune time against you.
However, if they sin against you, they will demand forgiveness and trust. They will be like the parable of the unforgiving debtor in Matthew 18. So this man owed a lot of money, and he was forgiven of his debts, but immediately after he was forgiven him, is that he now went to somebody else, who owed him, just a fraction, a sliver of what he was just for giving up and he literally beat the man.
Narcissists are not forgiving. They’re also unreachable. Narcissists have to give the image of knowing everything. Remember, their image is everything. So here’s a potential catchphrase that gives away a lot of narcissist. Are you ready for this? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know that. Look, it doesn’t matter if you just ask them something and they said they didn’t have an answer to them and then someone else gave that answer. It’s a compulsion for them to say, “Oh yeah I knew that.”
They can’t help. Now, in some cases, they don’t want to be seen as not having all the answers. In other cases, they actually think they know everything. Now, this is not the case for all narcissists. So just because someone admits to not knowing something doesn’t mean that they don’t struggle with narcissistic traits. In fact, actually, the covert narcissist will often play that sweet innocent victim who just doesn’t know anything. But even if they’re outright rejecting, your wisdom or saying, yes, to your face, and then discarding you later.
The truth is that narcissists are not teachable. Proverbs 15:32 says, “If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding.” Humility precedes honor. Look, it’s not that you were their teacher, but in relationships were always teaching and learning from each other not so with a narcissist control and power are their main focus.
And the next thing that we discover about narcissists is they are divisive. A narcissist’s goal is to divide and conquer. They will seek to sabotage relationships by slander on you or causing you to slander others. Often under the guise of carrying and praying for someone, as “I heard you brothers and sisters to watch out for those who cause division, and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to teaching, you have learned to keep away from them for such people are not serving our Lord, Jesus Christ, but their own appetites by smooth talk and flattery. They deceived the minds of naive people.” Romans 16:17. So what is the Bible saying? Watch out!
The next trait of a narcissist is they are fake. Overt or covert narcissists pretend to be something that they’re not they have a very fragile self-image and they will work desperately to protect it. Scripture tells us “Let no one deceive you with empty words for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore, do not be partners with them for you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of the light for the fruit of the light consists of all goodness, righteousness, and truth, and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do is secret, but everything exposed by the light becomes visible and everything that is illuminated becomes light.”
So what does the Bible say? Expose them. My friend, Jesus, never tolerated toxic narcissistic behavior. He was well aware of their various tactics to distract him from his mission. And in many cases, Jesus had little to no contact with these toxic individuals. In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, “Let them the Pharisees alone. They are blind guides of the blind and if a blind man, guides a blind man, both will fall into a pit.”
Another way of saying this has nothing to do with them. So, you can find yourself constantly, turning the other cheek, only to realize that both cheeks are rather bloody for no reason.
Because here’s what the Bible says about how to handle narcissists.
#1 Avoid them. 2 Timothy 3:1-5
#2 Expose them. Ephesians 5:6-14
#3 Watch out for them. Romans 16:17-18
#4 Have nothing to do with them. Matthew 15:14
#5 Beware. 2 Timothy 3:6
These people are acting in their nature and it is a nature that they have chosen to follow. It is likely my friend that God has reached his hand out again and again, and again to give the narcissist an opportunity to turn from their ways. And I want to assure you that if God hasn’t been able to change them. What makes you think you can? So trying to love a narcissist into changing is like hugging a crocodile and expecting it to love you in return.
If you are struggling with hurt from a toxic mother you are invited to check out my online course called How to Heal from a Toxic Mother.