Easily offended people often find themselves looking for validation from others and have a hard time brushing off little things and that’s based on their insecurity.

Oh, yes, they’ll say things like “I’m confident in who I am and “I don’t care what others think” but this simply isn’t true.  It’s actually a mask to hide tremendous insecurity.

In fact, as an aside, always be cautious of people who are trying to convince you that they are one thing without seeing the evidence.

Insecure people struggle with self-worth and as a result, they are constantly scanning their surroundings for validation to feel good. And that’s where you come in.

In their mind, you’re there to validate them and prop them up and when that doesn’t happen, either intentionally or unintentionally, there’s a problem. When someone comes along and says something that disrupts their narrative, there’s a problem.

Being offended makes insecure people feel empowered and it allows them to make others feel guilty.

they love that position of power since their self-worth is so low, that power makes them feel more secure.

Insecure people typically experienced an insecure attachment early in their life.

They never learned how to interact with the world in a safe manner.

But instead of learning how to develop secure attachments, offended people find it easier to play the victim and blame others.

#2 – Self-centered (maybe even narcissistic)

All narcissists are easily offended but not all who are easily offended are narcissists. but one thing is true, it’s all about them –

People who are easily offended are self-centered and self-focused.  They are on high alert for anything that threatens their fragile self-image.

Everything in an offended person’s world is interpreted through their own lens (regardless of how far from reality it is). Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion

Once again, this is a protective mechanism that guards them against facing reality.

This is also why you may be confused by the relationship because when it’s good, it’s good, but when you’ve offended them, they seem to step into a position of power and have no interest in reasoning with you and they shut down any conducive conversation.

#3 – Impatient and angry

Have you ever noticed how easily triggered offended people can be?

At any given moment, something you say could set them off.

They’re like delicate time bombs that explode with the slightest contact.

They may be sweet sounding one minute and nasty and defensive the next.

They have short fuses and are triggered easily, but never assume responsibility for their behavior.

Outward anger and impatience from the overtly offended person are easy to spot, but be careful of the seething anger beneath the surface of the covertly offended person.

They get triggered quickly but because they don’t want to see seen as “angry”, they will hide it, repress it and otherwise pretend all is well. but whatever is in a person will come out of a person.

I believe this is even more dangerous than the overtly offended person.

I’d rather see the fire than have it smoldering beneath the surface without even knowing it. Proverbs 22:24 tells us, “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man.”

Romans 12:17 tells us, “Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.”

But that’s exactly what easily offended people do.

They take a real or perceived offense, they let it fester in their mind, running it over and over again until the offense has grown into a full-blown grudge where they are thinking ill of you.

This not only puts them in a place of power, but it’s also evil because it’s a version of vengeance (even if only in their mind) holding grudges and offenses are also a way of avoiding vulnerability and the real problems at the root of their pain.

Low self-awareness may sound like a contradiction to self-centeredness, but it’s not.

It’s actually because of their low self-esteem and self-centeredness that they work extra hard to hide their flaws and weaknesses so as to appear better than they are.

This often comes in the form of blame or denial.

But Romans 12:3 says, “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”

Here’s how their low self-awareness plays out:

The easily offended person creates an “image”  (typically an inaccurate image) that they wish to portray.

So when someone comes along and challenges that image, said person is made to be the problem NOT the truth that was revealed. For ex: you said x and as a result, I feel y- so therefore YOU’RE the problem.

You said, “Wow, what made you decide to do that?”

They feel incompetent and stupid, so therefore you and your question were the problem.

This is not only unbiblical, it’s no way to have a healthy relationship with someone.

Easily offended people don’t want healing, they want conformity. And unfortunately, God won’t bring healing to areas we’d rather hide.

So, should I just write them off?

Each case will vary. If there’s value in the relationship, then it may be your turn to overlook the offense and enjoy the other fruits of your relationship, but if you’re dealing with someone who harbors grudges against you and is always putting you in a position where you have to continually prove yourself to them while they don’t do much to contribute to the growth of the relationship, then you are likely looking at someone who is only in it for benefits it brings to them.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours.  Leaving a toxic relationship doesn’t make you a bad person any more than staying in one makes you a better Christian. Just remember this: Just because someone was offended by you doesn’t automatically mean that you were offensive.

Yes, examine your heart and motives but also remember that sometimes the problem lies within them, not you.