God Says You’re Not a Doormat – 10 Scriptures to Prove It
In our Christian culture, where boundaries are shamed as hate, codependency is glorified as love, and entitlement is disguised as faith. It’s no wonder that so many Christians, find themselves in toxic unGodly relationships for fear of disappointing God simply for setting boundaries. But do we have it all wrong?
Our boundaries are actually, something that God not only supports but encourages his people to have, or did God create you to be a doormat?
In today’s video, I’m going to share with you 10 scriptures that clearly show that God wants you to have boundaries and you will never again have an issue saying, no, after you see this why you should pay particular attention to number 10 because it might surprise you.
I have been teaching biblical boundaries for a very long time. And I am encouraged by the countless messages from people that it is been helping. But I frequently get blasted by email or on social media, for teaching, such an unbelievable concept, and people say, how dare you encourage people to hate others, they’ll say that you’re turning children away from their mothers. I still say that doesn’t Jesus tell us to turn the other cheek and a whole host of other culturally acceptable but completely on Biblical teaching about how we are to love others?
And I found that there are two types of people that don’t like teachings on boundaries.
Type #1 – Those who never really needed them and just don’t get it.
They don’t understand why you would have to put limits on certain people remember those who are boundary stompers and they want free reign to wreak havoc in your life and yes, as Christians, we are taught to turn the other cheek, bear one, another’s burdens, forgive, love others. But does this mean that we should allow others to use us as door mats and wet naps? Boundaries also help us to keep our desires in check so they don’t rule our lives.
So if you have someone in your life right now, telling you, that you are a substandard Christian because you are not willing to tolerate toxic behavior.
Today I want to give you 10 scriptures, that clearly show, that God means business when it comes to boundaries,
Scripture #1 – Galatians 6:5, “for each one will have to bear his own load.”
According to some, we are to help everyone with everything and Galatians 6:2 does tell us that we are to bear one another’s burdens. But there’s a difference between a burden and a load. A burden is something that is too heavy for a person to carry themselves. A load does not become a burden, simply because someone else doesn’t want to carry it and feels that it’s your job to do it. Carrying the load of someone else can actually lead to enabling.
Scripture #2 – 2nd Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness or what fellowship, hath light with darkness.”
According to some, you should love everyone equally but God says, to avoid partnerships with these people. Now, I’m not saying that Christians were not allowed to be in friendship or acquaintance with unbelievers. I mean, how else would we get the opportunity to share the gospel? However, this is a clear boundary on who you should and shouldn’t be in a deep relationship with.
Scripture # 3 – 2nd Thessalonians 3:10, “for even when we were with you we would give you this command in anyone is not willing to work let him not eat.”
Well, this one doesn’t go over well in our entitled society where everyone is believed to deserve some form of a handout. We have handouts for people who are perfectly capable of paying, praying, and persevering their way through a tough time, but instead, our government provides handouts and this completely contradicts Scripture. No, not all giving is good, certainly not when it enables dysfunctional behavior, all in the name of help.
Now, I am not talking about helping people truly in need the Bible speaks of helping the widows and orphans, and the lame, but for everyone else, God has a work order not an entitlement program.
Scripture #4 – Matthew 12:48, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?”
This passage of scripture doesn’t give a direct command to sit low. It is a shining example of how Jesus set boundaries and Matthew 12:46-52 tells us that while Jesus was speaking to the crowd, someone told him that his mother and brothers were outside wanting to speak with him and Jesus didn’t respond to their beck-and-call. He didn’t have a family first motto not from an Earthly standpoint anyway, but rather he kept right on teaching. And he honored the purpose for which he was sent and described his mother and brothers as anyone who does the will of his father. And according to some blood is thicker than water and family trumps everything, but there are numerous families in the Bible that do not show that as God’s command.
And I’m not saying that you don’t care for others in your household that are in need. But I am saying that family doesn’t get to trample your boundaries simply because they hold a title.
Scripture #5 – Proverbs 22: 24, “make no friendship with a man given to anger nor go with a wrathful man.”
My friend, these even apply to limitations and friendships. So, here’s a classic example of boundaries in relationships, while some would say that we are to love others and put up with them, so as to be a light for Jesus, this scripture is telling us you are to not even be friends with this type of person.
Scripture #6 – Ephesians 4:26, “in your anger, do not sin.”
And some would have you believe that your anger, is a sense that if you get angry at their toxic, behavior, you’re now the problem. See, look at you, because of your anger, but the truth is the Bible never says, not to be angry. It says don’t sin in your anger, it doesn’t say no to anger. It says no sin in anger and anger is an emotion just like sadness and joy. That would indicate a problem. And without the anger, how would we know that something’s wrong? Even Psalm 103:8, says that “the Lord is merciful and gracious and slow to anger, and abounding and steadfast love.” It says he’s slow to anger, not no to anger.
Scripture #7 – Titus 3:10, “as for a person who stirs up division after warning him once, and then twice have nothing more to do with him.”
This scripture certainly obliterates the misconception that true loving Christians are to endure to the very end.
Scripture #8 – Proverbs 27:5, “better is open rebuke than hidden love.”
Oh, my friend in our world of phony smiles and fake how do you dos, it’s no wonder that we recoil at the first sign of correction and accountability. But how else are we supposed to grow? Scripture is clear that we are not to judge the world, that’s God’s job. But as for our fellow brothers and sisters in the faith, we are to be open to “give and receive biblical correction when needed, speaking the truth in love.” Ephesians 4:15 So that we may all grow in maturity.
Scripture # 9 – Matthew 10:16, “Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so, be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.”
Jesus was sending out his disciples and warning them of the persecution that they would endure from men. He did not encourage them to fight for themselves or take vengeance but he did give them a solemn warning of how some people would be and you may ask well shouldn’t we see the good in others? Well, yes of course, but if you see a wolf and treated them as a sheep, my friend, you’re going to get slaughtered.
Scripture #10 – Mark 3: 7-35
In this passage of scripture, the news spread about Jesus and all of his miracles in the crowd, started pressing in on him and then his disciples. But instead of doing what many think that Jesus should do stick around for every single person who needs him. If he doesn’t do well, then he must not care. The boundary comes in in verse 9 where he commanded his disciples to have the boat ready so that he could leave. When the crowd started to ask too much of him, it was a far cry from what others would expect Jesus to do, or I should say, what others believe Jesus should do. Yes, we are to love one another, we are to bear one another’s, burdens forgive, and help those in need, but that does not mean that we need to encourage others to continue to tolerate toxic evil behavior, all in the name of Christianity. And throughout the entire Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, you see, countless examples of God setting limits with us, or teaching, his people how to set limits with others think about it, technically every command not to sin is a boundary and God is not some passive parent. He set boundaries and he expects us to as well.
Boundaries are Biblical. So the question is, “Will you live your life according to some who have distorted and dysfunctional views of boundaries, or are you going to follow God?”
Let me know in the comments below if you want to learn how to set biblical boundaries with toxic family. Go ahead and check out my new online course called Biblical Boundaries with Toxic Family.