Who grows more in life–the person who never has anything go wrong and has the loveliest of relationships or the person who had to overcome adversity and challenges?
If you said the overcomer, you’re right.
Understanding why God may have you in a narcissistic relationship can be challenging. But it can potentially bring more growth and strength than you could imagine.
We’ll explore the four reasons why God may have you in a narcissistic relationship. By the end of our time together, you will no longer think God has forgotten you.
Just as a caveat, remember, that every situation is unique. This video aims to provide insight, not to justify unhealthy relationships.
Why are you in a narcissistic relationship?
Reason #1: To grow you
There are a lot of life skills many adults lack through no fault of their own. Many of our parents did the best they could, but too many of us are never taught the critical skills that help us advance in life. I’m not talking about balancing a checkbook. (Does anybody do that anymore?) Or fixing a leaky pipe. I’m talking about more soft skills, such as how to deal with rejection, what to say when someone insults you, how to discern good from evil, how to emotionally regulate ourselves, and the list goes on.
Just because you didn’t learn those skills then, doesn’t mean you can’t learn them now.
You likely developed survival skills out of fear-based self-protection. That is NOT how God wants you to live your life. It’s likely that God is saying, “Stop pretending you’re emotionally and spiritually grown up, and let me grow you.”
More important is learning how to lean on and trust in the Lord with all your heart.
I love to hang on to the precious words found in Phil 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
He will never stop growing you, and narcissistic relationships can be a fertile ground for growth
Reason #2: To discipline you
You may be thinking, Wait, I’m the victim here. Why does God need to discipline ME?
I have spoken to very few people who did not see signs that this person they were entering into a relationship with was troubled.
You may not have known exactly what you were dealing with, but you didn’t need a label to know that you shouldn’t have moved forward, whether it was a romantic relationship, a friend, or a pastor.
Often times we find ourselves in a toxic relationship because of a dysfunctional need within ourselves that we don’t want to admit—unless of course we’re talking about a parental relationship. While you certainly did not choose your parents, you may still be the type to keep a toxic door open because you want or need something. For example—staying in a toxic relationship with a parent even after you’re an adult for financial support.
While God’s correction is never comfortable, it’s helpful to remember Hebrews 12:7: “It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?”
Reason #3: To humble you
The enemy’s plan in narcissistic relationships is to get you focused on the hurts and offenses so much that you unknowingly develop narcissistic traits of your own. God will use them to humble you.
Deuteronomy 8:2 reminds us of the Israelites journey when it says: “And you shall remember the whole way that the Lord your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.”
The narcissist is a master at detecting your flaws, but instead of instinctively getting defensive and rejecting what they say because of who they are, God may be trying to show you some things about yourself that only a humble heart would receive.
It’s hard enough to hear of your shortcomings, but to hear it from a narcissist…..ugh. Being in a relationship with a narcissist gives you an opportunity to work on yourself if you’re willing.
Reason #4: To use you
Think about the kind of person you need right now as you go through this difficult journey.
Do you want someone who’s never experienced conflict? Never had to learn how to endure? Never had their faith tested?
Of course, you don’t want to look to someone who’s so embittered by their experience that they project their regrets onto you and only offer advice that’s steeped in suspicion and unforgiveness.
But boy, what God could do with the person who has experienced this pain and learned to rely on Him. What as blessing he or she could be to the body of Christ.
My friend, that could be you.
When I was in the muck of narcissistic relationships, I found strange comfort in Psalm 119:71:
“It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.”
If you really want to be encouraged, check out Psalm 119:65-72. You will never doubt God again.
God does everything in season and for a reason. If you want to learn the three signs God is telling you it’s time to give up on someone, check out this post here.
To learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide. Here
