After years of dealing with a toxic person, you’re finally free–free from the mental and emotional bondage of trying to live up to their narcissistic relationship expectations.
Yet you may be wondering why you don’t feel as blissful as you thought you would.
That’s why today, I want to walk you through the three steps that God will bring you through after a narcissistic relationship. It doesn’t matter if it was a parent, partner, pastor, or friend, these three detox steps will help you recognize when God is at work in your life or when the enemy is still looking to keep you down.
Before you consider heading back to Egypt, stick with me, my friend. After our time together you’ll be better equipped to take back your life.
Here’s what you can expect God to do in the next 12 months and beyond:
Step #1: He will REVEAL
In the months following the relationship detox, God will begin to pull back the veil and you’ll start to see where you went wrong—things you tolerated, actions you mistook as love, immature or ungodly ways you dealt with matters, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. In other words, God’s going to start showing you YOUR part.
Luke 12:2 tells us: “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.”
This doesn’t mean you’re to blame or the other person wasn’t a problem. But IF you will allow him, God will begin to do a transforming work within YOU, breaking you free of old mindsets and habits.
That work is going to begin with revealing your weaknesses and blind spots. He may highlight your codependency, your insatiable need for approval, or your fear of confrontation. While the other person doesn’t get a pass, it’s imperative that you recognize your part in this dynamic.
You were drawn to this person for a reason. Let God reveal that.
They were drawn to you for a reason. Let God reveal that.
You struggled with boundaries for a reason. Let God reveal that.
You have hurts you need to address before bringing them into another relationship. Let God reveal that.
Here’s the great news. In this phase, He will also begin to show you who He created you to be.
No longer are you living under the shadow of someone else’s expectations and opinions. Now you can just be yourself. But you may not know who you are. Let God reveal that.
(If you need a little jump start, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE What’s My Temperament Guide HERE.)
But it doesn’t end there. Once these areas of identity and triggers are revealed, God will move you into step 2
Step #2: He will DEAL
In this next phase, God will help you to deal with your past pains and problems. He is faithful to walk with you through the process of dealing with the collateral damage of whatever He is revealing.
Maybe your husband left you with a fractured identity, or your parent infected you with a disease to please. Whatever it is, this is not the time to shift blame. It is time to allow our Lord to do His transforming work within you.
Allow Him to teach you the things you need to learn.
Allow Him to renew your mind to his truth.
Allow Him to walk with you as you pull up the root of bitterness and break free from the demonic influence designed to keep you in bondage.
I love to meditate on Psalm 23:4; Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
I realize it’s tempting to just want God to take it all away. But the truth is, if He took all the problems away without a renewing your mind, it would just be a matter of time before you were right back in the same relational issues with someone else.
Maybe this is the time you get with a good Christian counselor to unpack the problems of the past, so you don’t repeat the same patterns and hit the same blind spots.
If you need a counselor, we’ve connected with Faithful Counseling to get you the help you need. Simply click the link below this video and they will pair you with a counselor who is right for you, and give you 10 percent off your first month’s counseling.
Allowing God to reveal your issues and deal with the damage isn’t a walk in the park, but it does bring us to the most exciting part:
Step #3: He will HEAL
The scars of physical abuse can be evident on your body, but the signs of emotional abuse run deep.
Bitterness, fear of abandonment, control, broken trust, chronic health issues, or just an overall sense of helplessness are just a few of the symptoms of time spent in a toxic relationship.
Getting out is just the beginning. If you want to have healthy relationships moving forward, you will want to invite our Lord into those hurting places to bring healing.
There is no quick and easy path to emotional and mental healing but with the Lord by your side, you can rest assured that you WILL be whole again.
My hope is that you will embrace the wonderful words in Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
How to stay out of narcissistic relationships
Following God is the first step to emotional healing. He is the One who will restore your soul.
Remember that healing is a process. It involves moment-by-moment choices to trust and obey the Lord. Don’t believe the lie that getting rid of a narcissist is going to solve everything. There’s much work to be done.
Some of that work includes learning how to set healthy, biblical boundaries, so you don’t find yourself in this situation again. To do that, be sure to check out this post.
And if you want to be a pro at identifying and dealing with all sorts of difficult people and avoiding narcissistic relationships, be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide HERE.