Do you feel like the magical connection you once had with the narcissist now feels more like a death grip? 

You, my friend, have likely fallen prey to the narcissistic manipulation tactics of a new-age belief that is making Christians everywhere vulnerable to manipulative people— that there is a pre-destined soulmate out there who will complete you.

I want to share with you why these narcissistic manipulation tactics of a new-age belief that you once thought was romantic and biblical are actually leading you down a path you may never recover from.

I also want to share with you the shocking reasons why the narcissist NEEDS you to believe this, plus how to recover if you’ve already fallen into this trap.

To do that, I want to tell you about Eli.

Eli was a talented potter who lived in a quaint village nestled at the edge of a lush forest. Eli was known all over the world for his exquisite pottery, each piece more beautiful than the last. However, Eli had a secret: he claimed a mystical clay from the forest was the source of his pottery’s beauty.

He spoke of a legend, a tale of “The Perfect Clay,” a material so pure and adaptable that only the most deserving artisans, destined by the stars, could find and use it.

Intrigued by the promise of creating pottery as beautiful as Eli’s, many villagers ventured into the forest, hoping to be the chosen ones to find “The Perfect Clay.” Eli encouraged them, saying that only those with a true potter’s soul, bound by destiny to the craft, would succeed. Yet, the forest was vast and the search endless. Many villagers became so obsessed with finding the mythical clay that they neglected their own craft, waiting for a destiny that never materialized.

Meanwhile, back in the village, Eli continued to produce his pottery, not from mystical clay, but from the same earth as everyone else.

His true talent lay in his skill and dedication, honed over years of practice—NOT in a magical ingredient. The villagers lost in the pursuit of illusory perfection, failed to realize that the beauty of pottery—and indeed, life—lies in passion and effort, not some magical formula.

Your narcissist is likely just like Eli, but instead of the perfect pottery, they’re in search of the perfect partner.

In fact, this new-age belief that there is a perfect, predestined partner is likely what wooed you in the beginning but is now leaving you feeling inadequate and constantly striving for their approval.

Yes, narcissists believe in soulmates. And I’m going to share why. But I also want to share why you shouldn’t. 

Soulmates are based on the belief that you are ‘complete’ once you find that ONE perfect person created just for you.

Believing that there’s that one ideal individual that was created to complete you may sound romantic in movies, but it flies in the face of Colossians 2:10 that says, “You are complete in Christ.”

So, my friend, if there is no cosmic connection in the universe that is pulling you toward another person, and if the work of the cross is already finished for you, why do narcissists need to believe in soulmates?

Let’s break down three primary reasons.

Reason #1: It guarantees lasting admiration

Narcissists are addicted to admiration, much like a plant basking in the sun’s rays. It’s a need.

This insatiable hunger for external validation fuels their self-esteem and self-worth. Without a steady stream of praise and recognition, they feel diminished, often leading to manipulative behaviors to secure their much-needed admiration.

To a narcissist, the world is a stage and they are the perennial star, constantly seeking the spotlight to affirm their sense of superiority and importance.

And the concept of soulmates secures that for them. Because the feeling they get from the initial encounter is intoxicating to them. Once the truth of who they are is revealed and your admiration fades, or you just fall into normal life stuff, you’ll no longer see a ‘soulmate.’ Instead, you’ll see a fragile, angry, wounded flower searching for the sun.

Reason #2: It dodges personal accountability

Despite the scriptural command to do a healthy self-examination and the biblical cry from God to search our hearts, narcissists artfully use the concept of soulmates as a (sort of) shield to sidestep personal accountability.

In other words, they don’t have to change their behavior—YOU just need to have more patience with them because, after all, you’re soulmates.

By romanticizing the idea that they are destined for their partners, they create an illusion of perfection that excuses their flaws and wrongdoings.

This manipulative tactic implies that any issues within the relationship are not a result of their actions, but rather tests of the soulmate bond.

It doesn’t get more manipulative than this.

Instead of taking responsibility for their behavior, they frame challenges as obstacles meant to be overcome by true love–on your part, of course–rather than opportunities for personal growth and change.

How convenient!

Reason #3: It creates exit excuses

Narcissists cleverly manipulate the concept of soul ties to craft convenient exit excuses, presenting their departure as some cosmic necessity rather than a choice.

When you finally call them out for the shysters they are, they jump to the assumption that you weren’t their ‘soulmate’ after all, therefore absolving themselves of blame, suggesting that the end of the relationship is not a failure on their part but a fulfillment of a greater plan.

And yes, they will even speak for God as long as it suits their narrative.

This strategy allows them to leave without accountability, framing their quest for someone new as a pursuit of true alignment with “God’s” will, rather than the selfish decision that it really is.

Piggy-backing off of this is also the notion that it chains you to them. 

If the narcissist hasn’t found someone else and they need you for whatever reason–reputation, finances, laziness, or they simply don’t want to be alone, narcissists will use the idea of a soulmate to keep you tied to them. 

They will masterfully exploit the concept of soul ties to anchor you to them by presenting this spiritual bond as an unbreakable link that predestines the two of you to be together. 

This manipulative tactic is designed to instill doubt, guilt, and fear in you, making you feel as though breaking free would be not just a personal loss on your part, but a betrayal of God’s commands, thus keeping you stuck in their cycle of dependence and dominance.

That’s why they LOVE the concept of soulmates. It forever ties you to them with no personal accountability.

It’s the ultimate manipulative control tactic wrapped up in some romantic ribbon.

Now, if a narcissist has not found their ‘soulmate’ or if it turns out that you aren’t it after all, then they can continue to remain the victim of life’s circumstances.

The danger of soulmates is that they focus more on FINDING the right person rather than BEING the right person.

If you’ve fallen for these narcissistic manipulation tactics and new-age beliefs, follow the steps below.

Step #1: Break the belief

As romantic as the idea is and as convincing as the narcissist is, the Bible does not refer to soulmates. It does not make mention of that one person you are cosmically tied to. If you’ve made a marital covenant with them, then yes, you are bound by the vow, but you must break the belief that whom you love is predestined fate rather than a choice.

By ignoring the narcissistic manipulation tactics and letting go of this new-age belief, you can now confidently rely on the Lord for wisdom and guidance on your next steps.

Step #2: Embrace what God does say

We often hear of those beautiful stories where God orchestrated two people meeting and they just knew that God brought them together. 

And while, yes, God is our divine orchestrator and if we are submitted to His will, He will arrange our lives for His glory, the idea that you just need to sit back and wait for God to bring you The One is not biblical.

God calls us to be good stewards. He calls us to control ourselves and operate in godly wisdom. 

That means the choice of who we’re with is ours. If we want to marry someone based upon a false facade and fuzzy feelings, it’s our choice to make and our consequences to take. 

But embracing biblical truth also frees you to form relationships grounded in true Biblical principles.

Step #3: Set your limits

There’s one thing that you can’t live without in a toxic relationship, and that is boundaries. When you have a confident understanding of what God truly says about love and how to operate in it, you then know what to allow and what not to allow, what to tolerate and what not to tolerate.

Narcissists are banking on your ignorance. Seek the truth and set your limits. Don’t allow them to manipulate you with false truths.

In fact, there are four scriptures that narcissists can’t resist twisting. To make sure you don’t fall victim to these, click here.

Be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life. Grab your guide here.