It’s like arguing with a snail or playing a game of chess with a chicken, my friends. A narcissist will take the script, flip it, and totally twist what you’re saying. They also twist what THEY are saying. I want you to really understand what arguing with a narcissist is like in real life, and what God says about narcissists.

Here are 3 Tactics Narcissists Use To Pull You Anto A Toxic Argument And What God Says About Narcissists

Tactic # 1: Accusations 

First, I need you to understand that arguing with a narcissist is like playing a game of chess with a chicken – no matter how well you play, they are just going to knock the pieces all over the place and strut around like they’ve won. And they’ll leave the mess behind…for you to clean up. 

That’s what it’s like to argue with a narcissist. Narcissists love to accuse. Sound like anybody you know? Well, primarily, it sounds like Satan. He’s the accuser of the Brethren, and his ambassadors are no different. They will throw out accusations to try to derail you. A lot of times when we argue with somebody, it’s because we have a passionate stance about something or maybe you’re simply sticking up for yourself. I need you to understand that things can get heated and can get a little intense sometimes. 

My friends, you’re not talking or arguing with somebody who really wants to understand you, your side of things, or who wants to come to a healthy resolution. This is one of the biggest reasons why you want to avoid arguing with a narcissist at all costs. But, does this mean that you shouldn’t tell them what our feelings are or where we stand with something that we won’t tolerate? Not necessarily – boundaries are very important, but once you’ve recognized what you’re dealing with, and that this person has zero interest in aligning with you as a fellow human being, you need to understand that arguing with a narcissist is never going to be beneficial. 

Remember, the number one thing a narcissist loves, is to accuse.

Never get involved in an argument, because you’re actually fighting a fight that doesn’t even exist. What do I mean by that? Well, you’re not arguing over anything real, because now they’re accusing you of things that you didn’t even do. This is a classic narcissistic maneuver and it can send you into a complete mind mess.

Don’t get caught in circular reasoning or take the narcissistic bait. It’s beyond frustrating, aggravating, and upsetting. It can be hard to avoid, especially depending on how you grew up, and what you learned  to do in terms of how you respond. It’s normal to become very defensive, but I want you to stand back and ask yourself what the Lord wants you to do. 

Remember what Jesus did before Pontius Pilate? It’s almost unfathomable, but when he was being accused – he did not even open his mouth. 

You need to know when you’re in the playground of a narcissist. This is where the narcissist is most comfortable. Don’t play at their game. You will lose, my friend. 

Tactic #2: Provocations

A narcissist will continue to bait you with name-calling, insults, using your past against you, and your vulnerabilities. They will use anything and everything to provoke you towards their playground. They’ll stop at nothing to try to get you away from your peaceful place. They want you on their playground because it’s where they know how to fight. A narcissist does not know how to speak the truth in love. They do not know how to have a healthy dialogue or how to bring their own hurts and vulnerabilities to the table. All they know is how to fight unfair and that’s why they’re going to continue to pull you onto their turf. 

Tactic #3: Misinterpretations

In normal relationships you have misinterpretations and misunderstandings. And how do we resolve this? Well, we clarify. We say things like “Hey, what did you mean by that?” or “Hold on, this is how I heard what you just said. Is that what you meant?”

But with narcissists, there’s constant misunderstandings. They twist everything and it’s intentional, whereas a standard misunderstanding just needs a little bit of clarity in order to find a resolution. After a normal misunderstanding you can move forward and maybe even grow. 

You’ll know when you’re caught in a misunderstanding or misinterpretation with a narcissist when it seems like they’re intentionally twisting what you’re saying. They’ll say one thing one minute and then something else the next. They’ll get you all twisted up. Why? Because, now you can’t argue. You’ll end up so confused that you can’t even remember what the original argument was even about.

My friends, I want you to be able to speak the truth in love, even if it gets a little heated. But, if it feels like you’re arguing with a snail you need to know that you’re not on a fair playing field.

A narcissist is not looking for the betterment of the relationship. They care only about their own self-preservation.

Coming out a winner is all a narcissist cares about. They will never be the loser. They will twist, and accuse, and provoke. They will do whatever they have to do to make sure they come out as the winner.

What’s your way out? 

First, you need to recognize that what you’re dealing with is a narcissist. You have to develop extreme acceptance, and I don’t mean tolerance. I don’t mean accepting that you have to accept and tolerate this person. No, my friends. What I’m talking about is accepting the fact that this person isn’t who you thought they were.

Start with forgiveness. When I say forgiveness I mean following the biblical command to release them into the hands of the Lord. 

Know your triggers. Understanding what triggers are can help immensely in the healing process. Only then can you begin to rewrite the script. 

Always respond in a calm and loving, Christlike-manner. Keep it simple. You don’t need a rehearsed script. A conversation might look something like this: “Well, we actually we just talked about it and if keep yelling I’m going to leave the room.” Keep it simple. Let them rail against you. Let them accuse. Let them provoke. Let them try to confuse you with intentional misunderstandings. Don’t play the game.

Identifying the boundaries, and then implement the boundaries. Your boundaries require nothing of the other person. They are for you, and you only. 

Having trouble distinguishing between regular relationship issues versus toxic patterns? Be sure to check out this episode next and don’t forget to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide.

This is what God says about narcissists and please know that you are under God’s divine protection, and with God’s guidance you will be led in the right direction.