Here are the 3 Sneaky Narcissistic Tactics They’ll Turn To When Losing Control
Trick #1: Intensify Their Tactics
Whatever tactic they’ve used in the past will be amped up – intensified. Let’s start with narcissistic rage; let’s imagine that you do or say something that shatters their image…which then triggers their ego and their shame. Maybe all you did was raise a concern or call them out on their behavior, but to the narcissist that is a major attack on their personhood.
Remember, narcissists live a life of shame. Shame that they are holding on to and don’t want to face. Why? Because facing that shame would mean having to admit they’ve done something wrong. It would mean facing the truth that a healing journey needs to begin, and that’s just not going to happen.
Instead, the narcissist will create a false persona. They’re the great guy or the nice gal. Or maybe they’re the victim, always getting picked on. Whatever it is, it’s an image they want to portray. That’s the mask you’re dealing with. When you challenge someone in a healthy, normal relationship where there’s mutual love, respect, and good communication, you’ll be able to grow through the challenge. Narcissists, on the other hand, cannot handle being challenged. They’re going to be furious, and it’s likely that they’ll start using intimidation, perhaps in the form of threats. Whatever they’ve used, they’re just going to amp it up – bring it up to another level. Intimidation, threats, gaslighting, playing the victim, rage, anger – all of these things will begin to worsen as the narcissist starts losing control over you.
Trick #2: Punishment
Another tricky tactic narcissists use to tighten their grip is that if they have something you want or need, they’ll take it away from you. These can range from material things, like the car he’s been promising you, to intangible things, like love and affection.
Stonewalling, the silent treatment, any form of punishing sarcasm – they’re going to do everything they can think of to punish you and make sure you understand that what you’re doing is causing the problem.
A little forewarning, my friends? Do not bother calling this out. Don’t waste your energy trying to get them to see that they’re stonewalling you, giving you the silent treatment, or punishing you on purpose. They are just going to deny it and they’re going to hit you with a pathetic excuse. If someone has already shown you who they are and how they are, please do not waste your precious energy on trying to get them to understand something they are dead-set against accepting.
Trick #3: Smear Campaign
There’s only a few things that narcissists care about, and one of them is their image. Remember, the narcissist needs to be perceived by people in a certain way. And in the very beginning, it was probably very important that you saw them in that light as well. But now you’ve probably fallen from grace. Well, get ready my friend, because you’ll likely now be taken on a journey through the three phases of idolization, devaluation, and discard. Most of the people I encounter are going through the devaluation phase. You’ll know you’re in this phase because you may be thinking that they were so great in the beginning, but you seem to be experiencing a gradual fall from grace and for no particular reason.
When a narcissist realizes they can’t control you anymore, they will stop at nothing. They will take information and blow it out of proportion, take it out of context, or even make up outright lies. They’ll start spreading rumors and negative information about you to others, to try and damage your reputation, which then isolates you from potential support systems.
I’ve often said it is being with a narcissist is like being arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you. The narcissists need to try and ruin your reputation is insidious and almost compulsive. And when all else fails? The ultimate control tactic is that they will discard you. Reject you. They’ll emotionally withdraw or actually pack their bags and leave the relationship.
My friend, it is so important to stand your ground. Do not play their manipulative games. Keep your cool. If you need help, my online course Master Powerful Tactics to Gain Control When Triggered into a Toxic Argument teaches you how to build Christ-like responses in the heat of the moment.
Need even more support in dealing with narcissistic tactics? Be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide. It’s chock full of education, with scriptures to pray and responses to say when you’re stuck in the middle of a narcissistic relationship.
