In this post, I’ll reveal the key question you need to ask, the exact reaction to watch for, and what steps to take once you spot it—helping you discover the best way to deal with a narcissist.
First, let’s understand the motive of a narcissist—yes, even the ones who call themselves Christians—and why you’ve been such an easy target for them. You’re likely a caring, empathetic, giving person who values being of service in relationships. By contrast, narcissists are fragile, self-centered, egotistical, envious exploiters. Their focus isn’t on pleasing you or growing the relationship—it’s on self-protection and self-preservation. If it doesn’t serve them, benefit them, or support them, they’re simply not interested.
So, let’s shift the dynamic. Instead of focusing on what to say to get them to change, let’s focus on what to say to reveal them, so you can finally put the confusion to rest.
Ready?
Let’s discuss three scenarios that expose a narcissist every time and the best way to deal with a narcissist if you know what to look for.
Scenario #1 – When You Set a Boundary
Narcissists can’t stand being told “No.” They believe they’re entitled to unrestricted access and control over you, especially if you’ve allowed it before. Boundaries threaten their sense of superiority and need for admiration. It’s like telling a child “No”—they can’t see beyond their self-centered, immature worldview.
Unlike a child, however, narcissists know what is socially acceptable and have learned manipulative ways to get their needs met. Next time you need to set a boundary, avoid over-explaining or justifying. Simply say, “I can’t agree to that” or “I’m not okay with that.”
A healthy person will say, “Oh, okay. No problem,” even if they’re disappointed. But a narcissist will press, pry, and guilt-trip you with manipulative questions designed to wear you down.
When they continue to push, ask this: “It seems you’re only focused on your needs and not mine. Is that intentional?” Then, say nothing and observe their reaction. A narcissist will likely respond with rage, victimhood, or continued insistence, but they won’t care about your feelings. Their goal is to change your perception, not their behavior.
When you see this reaction, you’ll know the best way to deal with a narcissist is to stand firm in your boundaries, without being manipulated.
Scenario #2 – When You Challenge Their Lies
Narcissists are habitual liars. Whether it’s blatant falsehoods or subtle distortions, they rely on deceit to maintain control. If you catch them in a lie, ask, “Can you explain why your version of the story contradicts what actually happened?”
This question will make them flounder because they thrive on creating their own narrative. Expect anger, denial, or gaslighting, where they flip the situation to blame you instead. What’s missing is any desire to clear up the confusion and give you peace of mind. Clear signs you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Scenario #3 – When You Refuse to Enable Their Behavior
Narcissists thrive in environments where their toxic behavior goes unchecked. If they insult or mistreat you, instead of begging them to stop, ask, “Why do you feel it’s acceptable to speak to me this way?”
A healthy person will quickly apologize and make amends. A narcissist, on the other hand, will double down, blame you, or outright justify their bad behavior. Their answer will likely be an insult or an attempt to manipulate you into believing that you deserved their mistreatment.
When faced with these reactions, it’s tempting to defend yourself or get angry. But the best way to deal with a narcissist is to stay firm, stay calm, and don’t let their manipulation pull you into the toxic dance.
Now that you’ve recognized the signs, the next step is protecting your peace and sanity. Want to know what God will do to the narcissist when He’s had enough? Check out the next episode to find out and be sure to grab your FREE Narcissist Survival Guide here.
