You’ve probably wondered:
“Why do I keep attracting manipulators?”
“Why do I always end up being used, guilted, or controlled?”

I’ll tell you why.

It all comes down to one trait. A trait that feels like a virtue… but is actually making you a target. And the worst part? Narcissists can spot it within seconds.

So what is it? And more importantly—how do you drop it so you NEVER get manipulated again? If you’re wondering how to not be a people pleaser, keep reading.

The One Trait Narcissists Exploit Instantly

Imagine you’re holding a puppet on strings. Every time you move your hand, the puppet reacts—dancing exactly the way you want it to.

Now, what if I told you that, to a narcissist, you ARE that puppet… and you don’t even realize it?

The one trait that makes you an easy target for narcissists—the one thing they instinctively seek out in their victims—is people-pleasing.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…
“But isn’t it good to be kind? Isn’t it good to care about others?”

And the answer is yes—but only when it comes from a place of strength, not from a need to keep the peace at all costs.

How to not be a people pleaser starts with understanding that people-pleasing isn’t just about being nice—it’s about:

• Feeling responsible for how others feel.
• Ignoring your own needs to keep others happy.
• Saying yes when you really mean no, just to avoid conflict, rejection, or guilt.

And here’s the problem—narcissists can sense this instantly.

They know that as long as you fear disappointing them, as long as you feel obligated to make them happy, they can control you.

They don’t even have to force you to comply—you’ll do it willingly.
Because the thought of upsetting them feels unbearable.

5 People-Pleasing Traits That Make You a Narcissist’s Target

You might be thinking…
“Hold on, Kris—I mean, yeah, I extend myself a bit too much sometimes, and yes, I get uncomfortable if someone’s upset with me… but I wouldn’t call myself a people-pleaser…’”

I get it. I used to think the same thing.

But people-pleasing doesn’t always look obvious. You don’t have to be the overly sweet, bubbly, never-say-no type.

So let’s put this to the test—do any of these sound familiar?

1️ You Feel Overwhelming Guilt When Saying No

Even when you know you don’t have the time, energy, or desire to do something… you feel like saying ‘no’ is wrong.

• Maybe you feel selfish.
• Maybe you think you’ll disappoint someone.
• So instead of setting a boundary… you cave in and say ‘yes’—again.

Maybe you give up your one free evening to help someone who could learn to function on their own.
Maybe you don’t want sushi again this week, but it’s easier to just go along.

Narcissists thrive on people who struggle to say no.
The more you feel guilty for protecting your time, the more they push your limits.

2️ You Change Your Opinion to Keep the Peace

You’re in a conversation, and deep down, you don’t agree with what’s being said.

But instead of speaking up, you just:

• Smile and nod
• Keep quiet
• Go along with it

You think it’s because you’re being accepting.
But in reality? You just don’t want conflict.

Narcissists love people who are afraid to challenge them.
If they know you’ll bend your beliefs to avoid an argument, they’ll keep manipulating you into submission.

3️ You Take on Problems That Aren’t Yours to Fix

A friend, coworker, or even a toxic partner comes to you in crisis.
And suddenly—you feel responsible for making everything better.

• You drop what you’re doing.
• You start fixing, problem-solving, and coddling their emotions—even though their issue has nothing to do with you.

Narcissists love people who feel responsible for fixing everything.
They want to dump their problems onto you, knowing you’ll carry the burden while they sit back and take advantage.

4️ You Apologize… Even When It’s Not Your Fault

Have you ever caught yourself saying ‘I’m sorry’… for something you didn’t even do?

Someone else gets upset, and somehow, you end up apologizing—just to smooth things over.

• It doesn’t matter if you’re right…
• It doesn’t matter if their anger is irrational…
• You just want everything to go back to normal.

This is a dangerous trap.
Narcissists rarely take accountability—so if you’re always the one apologizing, they’ll gladly let you take the blame for everything.

5️ You Fear Disappointing People More Than Protecting Yourself

You don’t want to be a burden.
You don’t want to be “too much.”

So you:

• Stay quiet when something bothers you.
• Don’t speak up when someone crosses a boundary.
• Shrink yourself down just to make others happy… even when it’s destroying you.

But narcissists are like leeches—they feed on your fear of disappointing them.
The more afraid you are of upsetting them, the more they’ll suck the life out of you and call it love.

How to Not Be a People Pleaser​ & Take Back Your Power

Now that we’ve exposed people-pleasing for what it really is—let’s talk about how to break free from it.

Because the truth is, you don’t have to choose between being a good person and being manipulated.

You can be kind without being controlled.
You can be loving without being a doormat.
And you can be generous without being used.

To do that, you need to make three major shifts:

1️ Shift Your Mindset: Stop Seeing People-Pleasing as a Good Thing

Galatians 1:10 – “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

This verse makes it crystal clear—people-pleasing and serving God cannot coexist.

What to do instead:

• Before making a decision, ask yourself:
  “Am I doing this out of love? Or out of fear?”
• If it’s fear, pause. You don’t owe anyone immediate compliance.

2️ Stop Apologizing for Things That Aren’t Your Fault

Matthew 5:37 – “Let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

Over-apologizing makes your words lose power.

What to say instead:

• Instead of “I’m sorry I can’t,” say “I won’t be able to.”
• Instead of “Sorry for bothering you,” say “Thanks for your time.”

3️ Set Boundaries & Hold the Line (Even When It Feels Uncomfortable)

 Proverbs 29:25 – “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

Boundaries are biblical.

How to set a boundary without guilt:

• Expect pushback. Manipulators always test boundaries.
• Don’t over-explain. A simple “No, that doesn’t work for me” is enough.
• Practice in low-risk situations first.

At first, setting boundaries will feel uncomfortable.
But remember—guilt is NOT from God.

📖 2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.”

🔥 Want to take this further?
Watch THIS: The Prayer That Stops a Narcissist in Their Tracks!

📖 Grab Your Free Narcissist Survival Guide: Download Here.