When a narcissist realizes that they no longer have control over you, they will resort to various desperate tactics. They may attempt to make you feel guilty or manipulate you back into their cycle, but it’s important to understand their behaviors and protect yourself.

When a Narcissist Loses Control, Expect This

When a narcissist loses control, they do not simply walk away. Instead, they panic because for them, the relationship has always been about control, not love or respect. Imagine a gambler who has been winning every hand but suddenly runs out of chips. Instead of accepting defeat, they escalate, make reckless decisions, and sometimes even cheat to regain their losses. When a narcissist loses control, they will escalate their tactics and use every trick in the book to regain power, not because of genuine affection, but because of their need for dominance.

Here are three common tactics narcissists use when a narcissist loses control, and how you can protect yourself from falling back into their trap.

1. They Play the Victim

When a narcissist loses control over you, they often resort to playing the victim. They will shift the narrative, portraying themselves as the one who has been hurt, traumatized, or devastated by your actions. This shift may be subtle at first, but it can quickly escalate as they spread a sob story to anyone who will listen, framing you as the one who has caused them pain. This is part of their strategy to regain control.

They may say things such as:

• “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?”
• “I guess I was never good enough for you.”
• “You’re cold. You’ve changed. I don’t even recognize you anymore.”

In some cases, they may make even more extreme claims, such as threatening self-harm or accusing you of causing panic attacks. These manipulative tactics are designed to make you feel guilty and question your decision to set boundaries.

The Bible addresses the behavior of manipulative individuals who play the victim. Proverbs 26:24-26 states: “People may cover their hatred with pleasant words, but they’re deceiving you. They pretend to be kind, but don’t believe them. Their hearts are full of many evils. While their hatred may be concealed by trickery, their wrongdoing will be exposed in public.”

How to Protect Yourself:

• Do not fall for the guilt trip. Recognize this for what it is—a manipulation tactic.
• Stick to your boundaries and remind yourself why they were set in the first place.
• Resist the urge to explain yourself. Narcissists do not seek understanding; they seek control.

2. They Smear Your Name

Another tactic narcissists employ when a narcissist loses control is a smear campaign. They will attack your character to undermine your credibility and turn others against you. They twist the truth to make themselves appear innocent and make you seem unreasonable or cruel.

Narcissists often:

• Spread lies to mutual friends, family, and acquaintances.
• Amplify their victim status to gain sympathy and make you appear heartless.

This can be particularly destabilizing, as the people you once trusted may begin treating you differently, questioning your actions, or even avoiding you. This is the narcissist’s way of isolating you and cutting off your support network, further manipulating you into returning to them.

How to Protect Yourself:

• Do not feel the need to defend yourself to everyone. In time, the truth will become apparent.
• Let silence work in your favor. The more you explain yourself, the more they can distort your words.
• Let your actions speak for themselves. Those who truly know you will not be easily swayed by gossip.

3. They Try to Provoke You Into Reacting

When a narcissist can no longer control you, they may resort to provoking you into a reaction. They will push your emotional buttons, resurrecting old accusations or creating new ones to incite a dramatic response. Once they have successfully provoked you, they will use that reaction against you, portraying you as the one with the problem.

For example, they might show up unexpectedly, send guilt-tripping messages, or create a situation where you feel compelled to engage. These tactics are designed to create an “in” for them to begin manipulating you again.

As Proverbs 26:4 says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.”

How to Protect Yourself:

• Do not react. This is exactly what they want—do not give them the satisfaction.
• Work on managing your emotions and maintaining control. If needed, seek resources or courses on how to stay calm and composed in toxic situations.

These three tactics are just a glimpse into the many ways narcissists manipulate and control others. When a narcissist loses control, their methods of deception, such as fake apologies and relentless gaslighting, are all designed to draw you back under their influence. The best way to handle these tactics is to remain firm in your boundaries and not allow yourself to be drawn back into their web of manipulation.

And if you want to handle the narcissists exactly the way Jesus did, check out this episode next…

🔥 Next Steps:

📺 Watch This: If Jesus Handled Narcissists Like This – So Should You

📖 Download Your Free Narcissist Survival Guide: Get It Here