You ask God to show you the truth, and lately, things that once felt normal are starting to feel off. That charming tone you used to fall for — it suddenly feels rehearsed. That sweet apology — something in your spirit knows it’s strategic. And you can’t shake the feeling that God has been trying to warn you all along. 

That’s why in this episode, I’m bringing together three powerful teachings to pull back the curtain on what’s really happening behind the narcissistic behavior, because sometimes what you’ve been calling personality might actually be spiritual influence. 

👉 We are going to uncover: 

• How the enemy uses the nice narcissist to lower your defenses.
• The seven demonic attitudes every narcissist carries into every relationship.
• Six normal narcissistic habits that quietly open the door to demonic influence.

By the end of our time together, you’re going to see exactly how God reveals, unmasks and exposes their game.

How the Devil Creates a Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

PART 1 — 4 Signs God is Exposing the ‘Nice’ Narcissist

This brings me to the ‘nice’ narcissist. 

The one who’s so agreeable, so charming, so consistently kind, that it feels almost impossible to imagine that they’d have such toxic traits. 

And it doesn’t matter if it’s a dating relationship (like mine was), a parent, partner, Pastor, coworker, sibling, friend, or child, sometimes nice isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. 

Just like that beautiful mirage in the desert — what looks like refreshment at first glance can actually leave you thirsty and disillusioned. 

Have you ever felt like someone’s kindness left you feeling more confused than comforted? 

Like they were offering a hand, not to help, but to subtly keep you tethered to them. 

Well, that’s the signature move of the nice narcissist, and it’s one of their most deceptive tactics. 

Sign #1 of a ‘Nice’ Narcissist – Selective Helpfulness

The first sign of a ‘nice’ narcissist is their selective helpfulness. 

You see, they’re not generous out of genuine care. Instead, their acts of kindness are carefully calculated, like a mirage in the desert. Their help looks refreshing and sincere from a distance, but as you draw closer, you realize it’s an illusion. Their support is shallow, conditional, and always tied to their own need for validation. 

When someone truly helps you, you feel stronger, more secure, and refreshed, like a true oasis. 

But with the nice narcissist, you’re left feeling indebted, unsure, and emotionally parched. They offer just enough support to keep you reliant on them — ensuring that you’re always reaching for that relief that never truly satisfies — because the truth is, they only care about feeling good about themselves. 

And don’t be fooled into thinking that this is easy to spot. Unlike overt or even covert narcissists who show their cards over time, the ‘nice’ narcissist plays the long game. 

Their selective kindness is so subtle and consistent that it can take months, even years, to see it for what it really is — manipulation wrapped in charm. And what makes this even harder to identify is how selective they are about where, when, and to whom they show this nice side. 

In public, they’re often the picture of kindness… 

• agreeable
• polite
• seemingly generous

But when behind closed doors or when things don’t go their way, a completely different side comes out. 

And this isn’t the occasional ‘off’ day that we all have.

I’m referring to patterns, and around certain people or in certain situations, they carefully maintain their nice persona, but to those closest to them — those who see them when the mask slips — those are the ones that are often left to deal with their hidden anger, their passive aggressiveness, or their outright neglect. 

It is a self serving kind of nice.

They’re nice when it makes them look good, when it feeds their ego, or when it ensures your loyalty or your need for them. And their kindness isn’t a gift, it’s a tool, and you’re the one paying the price. 

So, how do they keep this charade going for so long? 

Well, it’s not just about selective helpfulness. The next layer of their deception is perhaps their most convincing trick, one that makes you feel seen, understood and cared for, but like that Mirage, it vanishes the moment you try to rely on it.

Sign #2 of a ‘Nice’ Narcissist – The Illusion of Empathy

The second hallmark of a ‘nice’ narcissist is what we call Performative Empathy. It’s their ability to make you believe that they care deeply, but beneath that surface, it’s all for show. They’re masters at mimicking empathy without actually feeling it. 

You see, while true empathy flows from a genuine concern for others, the ‘nice’ narcissist learns empathy kind of like an actor learns their lines. And they may have been told that they lack compassion, so they’ve perfected the script, knowing what to say, how to tilt their head, or when to offer a comforting word, but their care is only skin deep, and it’s only self serving. 

And in those rare moments when the ‘nice’ narcissist has everything going their way — they’re well rested, validated, well fed, and feel in control of everything — they actually might show glimpses of what looks like true empathy. And you think, “finally they see me, they finally care,” but here’s the problem — it’s fleeting.

The consistency just isn’t there. Over time, you’ll notice moments when their supposed empathy disappears entirely, leaving you feeling dismissed, even invalidated, and this inconsistency is what makes it so hard to walk away.

Like a carrot dangled in front of you, those brief, seemingly genuine moments of empathy keep you holding on, hoping that they’ll come back. 

It’s a cycle that can create a trauma bond, chaining you to the possibility of who they could be rather than who they really are.

And here’s the twist, many nice narcissists don’t even realize they’re doing this.

They genuinely believe that they are loving, caring, kind people. But true care isn’t about what you say, it’s about how you show up consistently, sacrificially, and without strings. 

But their tactics don’t stop at performative empathy. The next trait is even trickier to identify, because it looks so much like genuine encouragement, but when you pull back the curtain, you see it for what it really is — manipulation disguised as support — and they use this tactic to keep you hooked.

Sign #3 of a ‘Nice’ Narcissist – Strategic Support

The next trait of the ‘nice’ narcissist is what I call strategic support.

On the surface, it feels like they’re cheering you on, rooting for your success, and celebrating your wins, but in reality, their support is calculated and conditional — and it’s only given when it serves their agenda. 

At first, it’s easy to believe that they’re genuinely invested in your growth. They might say all the right things…

👉 “You’re so amazing.” 

👉 “You can do this.” 

👉 “I’m so proud of you.”

And at times they may even step in to help you achieve your goals. But here’s the catch… their support comes with strings.

If your success reflects well on them, they’ll encourage you. If it makes you more dependent on them, they’ll cheer you on. But the moment your growth threatens their control, their enthusiasm will fade, or worse, turn into subtle sabotage. 

And this kind of support is incredibly disorienting, because it feels good in the moment, and you think… 

👉 “Yeah, these people are here for me.” 

👉 “They get me.” 

👉 “They love me.” 

👉 “They believe in me.” 

But over time, you start to notice a pattern.

They only offer help when it reinforces their image as the nice and supportive person, or when it keeps you tethered to them. And if you dare outgrow them, that’s when you’ll see the passive aggressive comments start. 

“Don’t forget who helped you get there.” 

“Oh, must be nice to have time for that while I’m over here doing everything else.”

It’s a cycle that leaves you questioning yourself, wondering if you really are ungrateful or if you’ve done something wrong.

But the truth is, their support was never about you. It was always about them.

Strategic support is so effective because it taps into your natural desire for affirmation, validation, and encouragement, and it feels like they’re building you up, but in reality, they’re just keeping you in their orbit. 

And because their support is inconsistent, you find yourself working harder and harder to earn their approval, not even realizing that you’re playing right into their hands. And because they can’t be honest and direct with you, they’ll hit you with indirect, passive aggressive comments disguised as care.

But perhaps the most dangerous trait of all is their ability to create a false sense of connection, one that leaves you questioning your reality and doubting your own worth. So the next tactic is the ultimate weapon in their arsenal — by now you’ve seen the ‘nice’ narcissist…

• the carefully crafted persona
• selectively helpful
• performatively empathetic
• strategically supportive

But their most insidious tactic is the hardest to detect and it’s the illusion of a deep connection.

Sign #4 of a ‘Nice’ Narcissist – False Sense of Connection

You think you found someone who truly sees you, but beneath that surface is nothing but a shallow, superficial connection.

It feels like they are completely invested in you…

• they ask thoughtful questions
• remember small details
• give just enough emotional energy to make you believe that you found someone who truly cares

But over time, you start to notice that their connection never goes beyond surface level. 

And it’s easy to mistake their initial charm and attentiveness for genuine intimacy. They’ll listen when it serves them, mirror your emotions to build rapport, and even share just enough about themselves to make it seem reciprocal.

But here’s the catch — their connection is always transactional — it’s never transformational.

And you may find yourself pouring your heart out, feeling like you finally found someone who understands you only to realize that they’ve never really opened up in the same way. And when you try to dig deeper, they deflect, withdraw, change the subject, leaving you feeling unheard and unseen. 

This tactic is incredibly powerful because it plays on your natural desire for connection, and it keeps you chasing this level of intimacy that they’re just completely incapable of providing. But you don’t realize that until you’re fully invested, and because they’re so nice, you second guess yourself, thinking… 

👉 “Maybe I’m expecting too much.” 

👉 “Maybe this is just how relationships are.” 

👉 “Maybe it’s me. After all, everyone else thinks they’re so nice.” 

Shallow connection keeps you in a constant state of longing.

You remember those fleeting moments when they seemed fully engaged, and you wonder, “why can’t it always be like that?”

Or maybe you make excuses for them. Maybe you start to believe that if you just try harder, if you just meet their needs, they’ll finally open up and give you the connection that you crave. But the truth is, they never will, because they can’t. 

And when you put together…

• selective helpfulness
• performative empathy
• strategic support
• and shallow connection

…you can see how the ‘nice’ narcissist weaves this intricate web of deception and they don’t even realize they’re doing it.  

But here’s the good news — once you recognize those patterns, you can break free. You can stop chasing the mirage and start building relationships that are truly life giving.

Part 2 – 7 Demonic Attitudes Narcissists Carry Into Every Relationship

A demonic attitude is not your run of the mill, bad mood.

We all have ‘off’ days where frustration, impatience, or even arrogance can creep in, but these are fleeting passing moments, not defining characteristics of who we actually are.

However, when someone is more influenced by darkness than by truth, their attitudes don’t just become problematic, they become downright demonic. 

I want you to think of it like this — imagine walking into a house where the foundation is rotting from the inside out.

At first glance, everything looks normal, maybe even inviting — especially if it’s decorated nicely — but step too hard on the wrong spot, and the floor caves beneath you.

That’s what it’s like dealing with someone whose mindset is ruled by demonic influence. They look stable, maybe even pretty, but beneath the surface, everything is built on deception, manipulation, and destruction. 

Demonic Attitude #1 – Deception & Manipulation

The first demonic attitude on the list is the very thing that makes everything about them feel off, yet so convincing at the same time — deception and manipulation. 

The most dangerous thing about narcissists is their ability to twist reality, gaslight you, and make you question your own judgment. You could have proof right in your hands, but somehow they’ll convince you that you’re the one who’s in the wrong. 

It’s not just lying, my friend, it’s warping the truth to keep control, and the enemy has been using this tactic since the beginning.

Genesis 3:1 – “Did God really say that?” And just like that, deception took root in humanity.

And when a narcissist operates under this demonic influence, they don’t just deceive, they make you start to doubt yourself.

They twist truth, distort facts, and reframe reality, not just to win, but to weaken you.

Jesus Himself exposed this type of deception when He said, 

“You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” – John 8:44

When deception is at work, it’s not just a bad habit, it’s evidence of who they’re truly influenced by. 

Demonic Attitude #2 – Control & Domination

Have you ever felt like you’re losing yourself in a relationship? Like every decision, every thought, every action, is no longer yours? 

You see it starts small, so small that you don’t even notice it, but before long, you find yourself second guessing everything because someone else has taken the wheel.

This isn’t love. This is control, and that is what number two is — control and domination — and it is one of the most insidious tactics that narcissists use to dominate their victims. 

Once they hook you, narcissists use a dangerous mix of emotional blackmail, guilt, fear, and gaslighting to wear you down.

At first, they present themselves as your protector, your guide, or even your savior, but in reality, they’re laying the groundwork to make sure that you submit to their authority. 

Perhaps they have something you want, perhaps something you need. But what happens when you do something they don’t like — that mask slips — suddenly, that caring partner or that friend or family member turns rather cold, punishing, and ruthless.

They treat your independence like a betrayal, because they don’t want a relationship, they want control. 

And here’s the kicker, their control doesn’t always look like rage or aggression. Sometimes it’s a sweet, soft spoken manipulation disguised as concern. 

👉 “I just want what’s best for you.” 

👉 “You’re making a big mistake, but I’ll support you anyway.” 

This is deception at its highest level, and Scripture warns about it when it says,

“No wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise that his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness.” – 2 Corinthians 11:14-15

They don’t want a healthy, equal relationship, they want to own you. They’ll never admit it, but the moment you step out of line, the punishment will begin. 

Demonic Attitude #3 – Blame Shifting & Accusations

Demonic trait #3 can best be described as a rigged courtroom where the verdict is always against you.

No matter what happens, no matter how much evidence you have, the narcissist always walks away innocent and you’re left carrying the guilt, the shame, and the blame for their actions. 

Narcissists are masters at blame shifting and accusations. They are infamous for rewriting reality, not just to protect themselves, but to place the burden of responsibility onto you.

And their goal isn’t just to avoid accountability, it’s to make you believe you’re the problem, like, somehow everything they do wrong is your fault.

👉 They lash out… well, you must have provoked them.

👉 They betray you… you weren’t meeting their needs.

👉 They manipulate and deceive… you’re paranoid and overreacting. 

This is more than just manipulation — this is a demonic attack on your identity — and the enemy has been using this tactic since the beginning.

Satan is called the accuser for a reason. He works day and night, falsely condemning you to keep you trapped in guilt and to distort the truth. In fact, Revelation 12:10, reveals his very strategy, and it says,

“For the accuser of our brothers has been thrown down, who accuses them day and night before our God.” 

And just like Satan, the narcissist thrives on false accusations, twisting truth, and keeping you in a constant state of self doubt. And the more you internalize their blame, the more power they hold over you.

The blame is not yours to carry, but the boundary is yours to set. 

Demonic Attitude #4 – Hypocrisy

The fourth demonic trait can best be described as a perfectly polished mask covering a Heart of Darkness.

On the outside they present themselves as kind, compassionate, even godly, but behind closed doors, their behavior tells a completely different story.

That’s the damaging effect of the demonic attitude of hypocrisy. 

It is one of the most infuriating and confusing tactics that narcissists use, especially in Christian circles.

They weaponize faith, morality, and righteousness, to control and manipulate others while living in direct contradiction to the very values they claim to uphold, only to turn around and use the sin you struggle with against you as a justification for their deliberate iniquity. 

👉 They demand respect, but show none.

👉 They preach about forgiveness, but hold on to bitterness.

👉 They judge others harshly while excusing their own sins.

👉 They claim to be victims when confronted, but mercilessly tear others down.

And the worst part, if you ever call them out on their hypocrisy, they rage with self-righteous indignation or cower in the corner and play the victim. 

Narcissists LOVE the appearance of goodness, because it keeps everyone deceived. They want admiration, not transformation.

Jesus exposed this exact behavior when He rebuked the Pharisees, the religious narcissists of His day, and here’s what He said, 

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.” – Matthew 23:27 

They act like good people, they say all the right things, but behind the scenes, they manipulate, lie, and deceive without a shred of conviction. It’s nothing more than a cover for their corruption.

If you’ve ever been made to feel less than by a self-righteous narcissist, remember this — God sees behind the mask.

Demonic Attitude #5 – Entitlement

Have you ever noticed how some people walk into a room and just act like they own it, even when they have no right to? It’s not confidence, it’s not leadership, it’s actually something much darker. 

You see demonic attitude #5 is a lot like a dictator ruling over a stolen kingdom.

They act as if they hold ultimate authority, demanding submission from everyone around them, yet they have no real right to the power they claim.

Every decision, every interaction, is about reinforcing their dominance, making sure that you recognize them as superior, even if they have to manipulate, intimidate, or bulldoze their way over you. And that is the damaging effect of entitlement. 

Narcissists truly believe that…

• they deserve special treatment
• that rules don’t apply to them
• and that others exist to serve their needs

And they’ll demand it all without earning it.

You see, the overt narcissist will make this entitled attitude known, but beware of the vulnerable narcissist who knows well enough not to say it, but you better believe that they think it and they act on it in a very manipulative way. 

And this is more than arrogance.

It is the same attitude that led Satan to rebel against God. They trample over your boundaries, make manipulative comments, disregard your needs, and react with rage or tears when you don’t cater to their needs.

In their minds, they can’t fathom why they’re not getting what they want, and this is exactly what we see in Isaiah 14:13, where Satan declares, 

“I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God… I will make myself like the Most High.” 

Just like Satan, narcissists believe that they are above others, deserving absolute power, when in reality, their authority is nothing more than an illusion, and they know it, and that’s why they’re so demanding and manipulative.

They’re counting on your fear as their fuel. 

Demonic Attitude #6 – Vindictiveness & Unforgiveness

The sixth demonic attitude can best be described as a fire that refuses to burn out, smoldering beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to ignite again. 

You see, to a narcissist, a perceived offense is never just a moment of hurt, it’s a lifelong grudge.

They don’t just hold on to resentment, they nurture it, feed it, take it to lunch, and wait for the opportunity to strike back. And their version of justice isn’t about fairness, it’s about destruction — and that is the attitude of vindictiveness and unforgiveness. 

Narcissists never forgive and never forget.

Even when you’ve moved on, even when you’ve apologized for something maybe you didn’t even do, they are still keeping score. They don’t just want to be right, they want leverage. And here’s where you’ll see the smear campaigns, the slander, the passive aggressive comments, and the relentless attacks kick into high gear — because they can’t just hate you — they have to make sure that others hate you too. 

And it’s not enough for them to walk away. They need to take everything and everyone with them — your reputation, your support system — the more they can take, the more powerful they feel. And this level of unforgiveness is more than bitterness, it is demonic vengeance. 

But I have good news, my friend — Romans 12:19,

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine. I will repay,’ says the Lord.”  

Narcissists refuse to let go. Their words may say they’ve moved on, but that vindictive fire burns within.

Demonic Attitude #7 – Playing the Victim While Being the Oppressor

Number 7 can best be described as a wolf draped in sheep’s wool. Soft and innocent on the outside, but underneath nothing but fangs and a hunger for control. 

Narcissists don’t just play the victim, they weaponize it.

They will abuse, manipulate, and destroy without remorse, and then turn around and convince everyone that they are the ones who have been wronged. 

Yes, narcissists love playing the victim while being the oppressor.

They…

• lie
• cheat
• manipulate
• betray

But the moment you hold them accountable, suddenly you’re the bad guy and they are the wounded, helpless victim. 

And this is why narcissists are so dangerous in Christian circles.

They will twist scripture, cry false persecution, and pretend to be humble, while secretly tearing others down. And their ability to play both the victim and the oppressor keeps their true nature well hidden from those who just don’t know any better. And believe me, my friend, there are plenty of people out there who fall for their facade.

 And if you fight back, that just proves their point.

They push you to the brink, then when you finally snap, they act horrified and claim that they always knew that you were unstable, abusive, or ungodly.

They recruit flying monkeys, spin false narratives, and rewrite history to cast themselves as the innocent, traumatized party. And Jesus warned us about these types of people when He said, 

“Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” – Matthew 7:15

They may cry the loudest, act the most wounded, and make others feel sorry for them. But make no mistake, the true victim in the story is the one they’ve been tearing apart behind the scenes.

Part 3 – 6 ‘Normal’ Habits That Invite Demonic Influence

Trap #1 – Religious Manipulation

The first spiritually dangerous trap is religious manipulation — aka false light. 

You expect manipulation to look dark, obvious, maybe even aggressive, but what if it comes wrapped in a Bible verse with a soft voice, all in the name of God? 

2 Corinthians 11:14, reminds us that,

“Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light.” 

Religious manipulation is one of the most spiritually dangerous tactics a narcissist or toxic person can use, because it doesn’t just attack your confidence, it attacks your connection with God. And this shows up when someone uses scripture or spiritual language or their position of spiritual authority to…

• control you
• guilt you
• shut you down 

You hear things like, “Well, God told me…” but it always happens to benefit them. 

You may hear, 

👉 “Oh, a godly woman would never question her husband.” 

👉 “You’re not submitting to God, and that’s why it’s all falling apart.” 

They twist the truth in a way that makes you wonder, “Is this God correcting me, or is it them manipulating me?”

And that’s the danger. You begin to confuse their voice with God’s voice.

This, my friend, is spiritual gaslighting, and it is a direct assault on your discernment and your identity in Christ. 

It makes you question whether you’re grieving the Holy Spirit, when in reality, you’re just challenging their control.

And if the enemy can distort your view of God, he can trap you in a toxic dynamic far longer than logic or emotion ever could. 

So how do you come against this? 

Well, the first thing I want you to do is to call it for what it is — this isn’t conviction — it’s manipulation dressed in Scripture.

Say that to yourself. Write it down. Do what you need to do — this isn’t conviction — this is manipulation.

My friend, you are going to need to anchor yourself in the truth that God doesn’t guilt, corner, or confuse His children. 

The second thing that I want you to do is to pray boldly…

God, expose anything in my life that is masquerading as your voice. Break the power of guilt, break the power of fear or false authority, trying to speak for you. I want to follow you, not someone who uses your name to control me. 

Trap #2 – Emotional Divination

The second behavior that seems normal in toxic relationships but is spiritually dangerous is emotional divination — aka walking on eggshells. 

Now most people wouldn’t think of walking on eggshells as spiritual. But when you’re constantly scanning someone’s mood, bracing for their reaction, and adjusting yourself to avoid setting them off, you’re not just managing emotions, you’re living in emotional divination. 

God commands us, in Leviticus 19:26 not to seek omens or practice divination. And yet this is exactly what happens when someone forces you into a space where you have to read their signals, decode their silence, and anticipate their emotional fallout, all before it happens.

You become hyper attuned to their energy, their tone, their vibe, and you stop listening to God’s peace, and you start chasing emotional survival. 

It might not feel demonic, but it is soul binding, and over time, it wears down your ability to think clearly, trust your instincts, and stay anchored in truth.

The enemy loves this kind of confusion because it feels like love on the surface — you’re just trying not to upset them, you’re just trying to keep things calm — but in reality, you’ve become so focused on managing them, that you’ve lost your ability to stand on your own spiritual authority. 

This is not discernment, it’s fear dressed up as wisdom. 

So how do you come against it? 

Well, for starters, I need you to break agreement with emotional control. I need you to pray…

Lord, I break every agreement that I have made with emotional fear, the belief that I have to manage someone’s reactions to stay safe and Lord, I give you permission to restore my peace and authority. 

The second thing that I want you to do is to set emotional boundaries.

You are not responsible for someone else’s emotional volatility. If their reactions are unpredictable or manipulative, you are allowed and even called to guard your heart and protect your emotional peace. That means stepping backwards when their presence pulls you into fear or hyper vigilance. 

Trap #3 – Emotional Manipulation

The third behavior that seems kind of normal in toxic relationships but is spiritually dangerous is emotional manipulation — aka control disguised as love. 

This is one of the most deceptive and spiritually suffocating forms of manipulation, because it looks like…

• love
• affection
• concern
• even sacrifice

But underneath it all, it’s control. 

1 Samuel 15:23 reminds us that,

“Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft…”

Emotional manipulation shows up in patterns like guilt tripping, playing the victim, or love bombing — overwhelming you with love and affection, promises, or pressure in order to get their way. They may say things like, 

👉 “Oh, after everything I’ve done for you.” 

👉 “I guess I’m just the problem again.” 

👉 “No one is ever going to love you the way I do.” 

It’s subtle, it’s slippery, and before you know it, you’re bending over backwards, not because of healthy love, but because you’re afraid of…

• disappointing them
• upsetting them
• losing what little connection you still have 

This isn’t love, it’s leverage.

Scripture says, “rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft,” and that is exactly what emotional manipulation is. It is a rebellion against a healthy mutual connection, and it replaces truth with tactics, surrender with control, all while claiming it’s about the relationship.

It’s witchcraft wrapped in emotional dependency. 

So how do you come against it? 

Well, for starters, pray for clarity and release.

Lord, show me every place that I’ve confused love with control. Expose emotional manipulation and break its hold over my heart and over my life. Teach me what real Christ-like love looks like, and help me stop calling pressure peace. 

The second thing that I want you to do is to rebuild your internal filter. Begin asking, 

👉 “Is this coming from love or fear?” 

👉 “Am I giving freely or because I have to?” 

👉 “Is this mutual or one sided?” 

God’s love is never manipulative, and it never demands that you lose yourself to keep someone else. 

Trap #4 – Triangulation

Number four is triangulation — aka dividing relationships. 

Now you thought the problem was between you and that other person, but somehow the narcissist or the manipulator is always in the middle, stirring the pot.

That’s not just drama, it’s triangulation. 

Proverbs 16:28 says, 

“A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.” 

Triangulation is a tactic where someone pits people against each other, especially you, against someone else they want to control. So instead of addressing conflict directly, they drop hints, they twist words, or they play both sides behind the scenes. And you might hear things like, 

👉 “Well, they’re worried about how you handled that.” 

👉 “I didn’t want to say anything, but they’ve been talking about you.” 

👉 “I’m just trying to help the two of you get along.” 

But somehow, the more they “help,” the worse things get. 

This tactic is meant to isolate you and damage your credibility, while keeping the manipulator at the center of all the power.

You’re left questioning who’s really for you and who’s against you, who said what, and whether you’re being too sensitive, all the while you’re watching the chaos they quietly created. 

Scripture doesn’t call this conflict resolution — it’s called perversion. Proverbs 16:28 is clear,

“A perverse person stirs up conflict.” 

When someone uses relationship as chess pieces to keep control, that’s not wisdom, that’s spiritual sabotage, and it is a direct assault on…

• unity
• trust
• God’s design for peace 

So how do you come against this? 

Well, #1, stop playing the third side. Don’t take the bait.

If someone brings you information about someone else, shut it down. Tell them, “I’d rather talk to them directly.” Refuse to let the manipulator sit in the middle and control the narrative. 

The second thing I want you to do is to create safe, direct communication channels. If someone tries to speak for another person, ask for a group conversation.

Bring this into the light. Manipulation thrives in the shadows, but truth brings alignment, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Trap #5 – Word Curses

The fifth behavior that kind of seems normal in toxic relationships but is very spiritually dangerous, is word curses — aka identity attacks. 

Some of the deepest wounds don’t come from fists or silence, they come from words. 

Proverbs 18:21 reminds us,

“The tongue has the power of life and death…” 

Not just hurtful words in the heat of the moment, but the kind of phrases that are repeated, targeted, and aimed straight at your identity. This is what the Bible calls the power of the tongue, and when it’s misused, it becomes a form of word cursing. 

And you’ve probably heard things like, 

👉 “Well, no one’s ever going to put up with you, like I do.” 

👉 “You’re just like your father.” 

👉 “You’re always overreacting.” 

👉 “You’ll never change.”

My friend, these aren’t just insults, they are identity attacks.

Spoken over and over again, they begin to sink in. You stop defending yourself, and then you start believing them.

And that’s what makes them so dangerous. They don’t just bruise your feelings, they shape your self image, your confidence, and your sense of who you are in God. 

And over time, they plant fear, self-doubt, and shame all in the guise of someone telling the truth. But these are not God’s words, and this is not God’s truth.

And when false words get spoken with emotional or spiritual weight, they function like curses, not just wounds. They leave marks on the soul that feel spiritual, because many times they are. 

So how do you come against this? 

Well, the first thing I need you to do is to counter that lie with God’s truth. For every curse that’s been spoken, I want you to find a truth in Scripture to replace it. 

👉 For that lie that says, “You’re too much.” Psalm 139:14 is going to override that, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” 

👉 That lie that says, “You’ll never change.” Philippians 1:6 will override that, “He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion. 

👉 And that lie that no one will love you. Romans 8:39, “Nothing can separate me from the love of God,” is going to take care of that. 

And the second thing that I want you to do is to pray to break the spiritual impact of those words. Say this with me…

Father, I renounce every word spoken over me that didn’t come from your heart. I break agreement with fear, shame, and false identity. Lord, speak your truth over me again and restore what those curses tried to steal. 

Trap #6 – Silent Treatment

The sixth behavior that seems normal in toxic relationships but is spiritually dangerous is the silent treatment, otherwise known as withholding. 

Not all abuse yells, some of it goes quiet. And for many who have been in toxic or narcissistic abuse cycles, it’s not the shouting that haunts them. It’s the silence. 

Withholding is a form of covert control, whether it’s…

• affection
• communication
• emotional support
• even spiritual intimacy.

And the message is very clear —  until you fall back in line with what I want you to do, I’m going to withhold myself from you. 

But 1 Timothy 5:8 says, 

“If anyone does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, they have denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever.” 

This is the silent treatment. It’s not a momentary boundary, it’s a punishment. It creates fear, anxiety, and depression in the one that’s being shut out. You start asking, 

👉 “What did I do wrong?” 

👉 “How do I fix this?” 

👉 “Why won’t they talk to me?” 

But the goal isn’t resolution. By going silent, the manipulator gets to maintain power while avoiding responsibility.

And Scripture speaks directly to this in 1 Timothy 5:8.

You see, provision isn’t just financial, it’s emotional, spiritual, and relational and withholding love and presence as a tool of control — it is a denial of Christ like love. It violates God’s design for relationship, and it drives the other person into emotional captivity. 

And when it’s spiritualized… 

👉 “Oh, I’m just protecting us.” 

👉 “Oh, I don’t want to say something I am going to later regret.” 

👉 “Oh, God told me to be silent.”

…it now becomes a twisted justification for relational neglect. That’s not wisdom, it’s emotional abandonment disguised as righteousness. 

So how do you come against this? 

Well, the first thing I want you to do is call it for what it is. It’s punishment. It’s not peace.

This silence is not a healthy space, it is control through emotional starvation. My friend, you need to validate your experience before you can stand against it.

The second thing that I want you to do is refuse to chase false reconciliation.

You are not responsible to earn your way back into someone’s affection. If love disappears the moment you disagree, it was never love, it was leverage. 

And the third thing I want you to do is to rebuild your peace around God’s presence, not their patterns.

The only silence that heals is the kind that draws you closer to God. If someone uses silence to control you, it’s time to build boundaries that guard your heart.

Part 4 – When a Narcissist Tries to Destroy You – Here’s What God Does

There are three phases that you can count on every time, when dealing with a narcissist.

They follow a pattern, and once you see it, you’ll never unsee it. And these phases aren’t just predictable, they’re inevitable, but just as sure as the narcissist’s destruction comes, so does God’s intervention and ultimately His justice. 

You see, narcissists are master manipulators and deceivers. They are agents of chaos who thrive on sowing confusion and destruction.

So it’s no surprise that their main targets are often Christians.

Because they are loving, compassionate, and forgiving, a Christian makes an easy target for a narcissist to exploit. But it goes much deeper than that — they are actually being used by Satan to distract, derail, and discourage you from stepping into the fullness of what God has for your life.

So stop being surprised when you’re a target, but don’t be afraid, because your weapons are far greater than theirs, if you know how to use them. 

I want you to understand that the narcissist’s plan always follows the same pattern. 

Phase 1 – They Zero in on Their Target

Whether their goal is your destruction or simply their personal gain, the strategy is identical.

They present themselves as everything you’ve ever wanted…

• the ideal parent
• the perfect partner
• the answer to your prayers

…and this is all designed to weaken your defenses. And it works.

You let your guard down, and you let them in. Sure you see some red flags, but you convince yourself it’s just a mistake or something you two can just work through together, and they will certainly give you that impression. 

But soon enough, that mask begins to slip, they can’t keep up the facade, and the inconsistencies start to show. You start questioning their behaviors, their motives, and that is when things start to shift.

Suddenly, you’re either hit with an overwhelming dose of love bombing, or they play the victim and gaslight you. Both tactics are meant to cloud your vision, to distract you from the real issues. And isn’t that exactly how Satan operates? 

Everything is a carefully crafted illusion — beautiful at first — but dark and destructive beneath the surface. And by the time you see the truth, you are entangled in a web of confusion, manipulation, gaslighting, and invalidation.

And here is where you begin questioning your own sanity, doubting your worth, and starting to feel guilty for how you reacted to their emotional abuse, ashamed of the behaviors that you’re not proud of, and now left wondering, “Am I the problem?” 

This is all part of how Satan uses the narcissist for destruction. It’s like a tornado — at first, it seems calm, but the closer you get, the more you realize you’re standing in the middle of a raging storm, and the destruction they cause isn’t just external, it’s internal. They’re going to twist your mind, your emotions, and your sense of self worth. 

But here’s the truth, they can’t maintain that illusion forever, and eventually that storm takes its toll.

The love bombing fades, the manipulation grows stronger, the gaslighting becomes unbearable, and you’re left questioning everything. You see, they don’t want to just break your heart, they want to break your spirit. 

But don’t fret, this is where phase two comes in.

Phase 2 – God’s intervention. 

Imagine you’re in a burning building, frantically trying to put out the flames with a water spritzer. You’re doing everything you can, but the fire only grows stronger, and just when it seems like all hope is lost, the fire brigade barges in with their powerful hoses and all their equipment.

But here’s the thing, you have to step back and let them do their job. If you keep trying to control the situation all on your own, you’ll actually be standing in the way of your own rescue. And that is exactly how it is when God steps in. He is ready to step in and extinguish that chaos. 

One of my favorite stories in the Bible about God’s surprising intervention is the story of Joseph and his brothers found in Genesis chapters 37 through 50. I encourage you to read it when we’re done here.

In essence, Joseph’s brothers were jealous of him, and instead of just letting him be, they sold him into slavery and faked his death. As a result, Joseph endured false accusations, imprisonment, and hardship.

But even though Joseph’s life had taken what seemed like a terrible turn for the worse, all because of somebody’s jealous vengeance, God was with Joseph every step of the way. God gave Joseph favor in Potiphar’s house, in prison, and eventually as the second in command in Egypt.

And through Joseph, God saved so many lives, including his own family during a famine. 

Which brings us to that famous scripture that I love so dearly in Genesis 50:20, 

“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” 

God will step in.

The narcissist may think they have the upper hand, but this is where God’s intervention begins, and the Bible is clear, 

“God fights for His children.” – Exodus 14:14

And while the narcissist wages war against your mind and your spirit, God is already at work behind the scenes protecting you. Your job is to put on the full armor of God and get out of His way.

This isn’t the time for retaliation, trying to get them back, passive aggressive digs, or forming hatred in your heart to protect yourself from the hurt.

Your tactics to win them over, get them back, or prove your point, can and will delay God’s intervention, because now He’s got to go undo what you’ve done, or worse, deal with you, because now you’ve gone down a wrong road. 

I know, you want to fight. It’s not a bad thing, but stop doing it in the natural and take that battle in the spirit realm. This is where your victory is going to be won. 

Now you may be saying to me, “Kris, how do I do that?” 

Well, first I want you to arm yourself with the heavy artillery found in Ephesians 6.

The narcissist wants you to feel powerless, but God wants you to back off, suit up, and stand still. He will fight this battle. God’s intervention is like that fire brigade, but you have to stop fighting the flames your way and trust His power to bring peace and restoration. 

And what the narcissist doesn’t realize is that they’re not just fighting you, they’re fighting God himself, and that’s a battle they’ll never win. 

Phase 3 – God’s Justice

Here’s the question, when God steps in to intervene, are you prepared for what happens when that fire gets put out? 

Think of it like a wildfire that has been raging out of control. The flames consume everything in their path, and when God steps in to douse those flames, the fire doesn’t just stop, it actually reveals everything left behind. And this is where justice comes in. 

You see, once that fire is out, everything that was hidden in that chaos is now exposed — the lies, the manipulation, the damage — all of it comes to light.

Phase three is where God’s justice ignites. But just like any other fire, we can delay it, or we can get burned trying to control the blaze ourselves. 

So what does it look like when God brings justice after the storm? And how can we make sure that we’re not the ones holding it back. 

Well, let’s dive into what His perfect justice means for you. 

They Will Reap What They Sow

Galatians 6:7 reminds us, 

“Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that he will also reap.”

The narcissist may have unleashed destruction, but they cannot escape God’s justice. Say that with me — they cannot escape God’s justice. 

And I realize that it may seem slow in coming, but their lies, their manipulation, their spiritual sabotage, will come back to bite them. And while they think they’ve won, God is a God of justice, and Romans 12:19, reminds us that no injustice goes unpunished. 

This will lead to the narcissist’s downfall, because as they continue to manipulate and control, their web of deceit begins to unravel, whether that’s through…

• legal consequences
• financial ruin
• crumbling relationships
• mental disturbances
• you name it

…the narcissist will face the fallout of their behavior if they don’t repent. And their attempts to destroy your will will inevitably lead to their own self-destruction. 

So what does this mean for you? 

Well, it means you’re victorious — whether you feel it or not — believe that you have emerged from this spiritual battle stronger, wiser, and more rooted in Christ than when you went in.

And when you doubt, I want you to jump right back to Genesis 37 through 50, because while the narcissist’s fate is sealed, your walk is… 

• victorious
• healed
• protected
• and even stronger than before. 

👉 While they scramble to pick up the pieces of a broken life, you walk away with more compassion and better communication.

👉 While they find another victim to target, you head into healthier, more Godly relationships that actually refine your character.

👉 What they meant for evil, God will use for your good.

The narcissist may have set the trap, but they will be the one to fall into it. 

But to ensure that God’s justice is served in a timely manner, there are three critical steps that you can take. 

#1 – Give up the notion of what God’s timing should be 

Look, I get it, you want justice quickly, we all do, but Isaiah 55:8 reminds us,

“For your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord, as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” 

Make sure that your prayers not only align with His will but also with His timing. 

We often think we know what’s best. We see them getting away with something. We see what they’re doing, and we think, “God strike now, God now.”

But, God’s timing is perfect, even when it doesn’t align with ours, and trusting in His higher plan will free you from that frustration. 

#2 – Allow God to do His work within you 

Narcissistic abuse cycles leave deep wounds that require healing. And Psalm 147:3 reminds us,

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

Before justice comes, let God restore your heart and mind, and His healing will prepare you for the justice that He will bring in His time. 

#3 – Trust Him and surrender

It’s not your job to force justice — God will fight for you. Remember Exodus 14:14, 

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Surrendering your will for control and trusting God fully is key.

He is more than capable of bringing justice, and your peace comes from knowing that He is the one in control.

By releasing your timeline, allowing him to heal you, and trusting in His plan, you create that space for God’s justice to unfold in just the right way, at just the right time. 

But here is where it can all go terribly wrong.

You see the enemy is going to tempt you to step in with your water spritzer, he’s going to cause you to question God’s sovereignty, he’s going to fill your heart with so much hurt and hate that you feel justified holding on to that unforgiveness.

Your job is to resist his tactics and not become another casualty in this destruction. Let God do what only God can do.

And if you have ever wondered What God Will Do to the Narcissist When He’s Had Enough, go ahead and check out this episode next.

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