Are you being fooled by a narcissist who calls themselves a Christian? There are signs of a Christian narcissist that you need to watch out for. 

When I was younger my mother and my grandmother used to have beautiful bowls of fruit sitting on their dining tables.

The apples were perfectly shaped and the grapes were so shiny they looked like glass. I used to love looking at these gorgeous centerpieces. 

 There was only one problem. They weren’t real.

Imagine my frustration when I’d come home after a long day at track practice, hungry for anything I could get my hands on only to find the fruit that looked so good was completely useless. 

In Matthew 7:16, Jesus tells us that you will know people by their fruit.

In the prior verse he’s telling his disciples to watch out for false prophets, as they come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 

Think about it. If you walked up to an orange tree in season, what would you expect to pluck from its branches? Oranges. If it gave the impression of being an orange tree and put forth something else, you’d be confused and frustrated.

That’s how you feel when you’re in relationship with a narcissist.

  

Narcissists are marked by an inflated sense of their own importance, whether overtly or covertly. They struggle in genuine relationships because they lack authenticity. 

Authenticity is when what’s on the inside matches what’s on the outside, like the orange tree. 

Narcissists are like aliens that come to this planet and have to copy the behaviors that will get them what they want. 

It is true that a narcissist can consider themselves a Christian. Whether they are a true Christ follower is up for debate. 

Remember when we are saved, our spirits are renewed instantly, but our soul takes a lifetime to get sanctified.

Our soul consists of our mind, our will and our emotions. We’re all broken when we come to Christ, but little by little, the Holy Spirit does. His perfecting work in us…IF we let him. 

And that’s the dilemma that we find with narcissists. They could ‘accept’ Jesus. They could go to church. But since they are self absorbed and believe things are all about them, changes in their mind, will and emotions will likely only happen if it suits their need. 

If you’ve ever encountered a narcissist, you know they’re not easy to spot. Especially the covert ones. The overt ones are extremely charming and they will sweep you off your feet. Their goals it to be “Too good to be true.”

 

Bu if you are the rescuing type, watch out, the covert narc will swoop in before you even know what hit you. 

Dealing with narcs is confusing enough but now you add a new layer of confusion when you add the title “Christian.”

It’s as though we excuse any potential yellow flags and we assume the best because they are a “Christian.”

Remember, Jesus said, you will know them by their fruit.  (Matthew 7:16)

So I want to talk to you today about the #1 sign of a Christian narcissist and 7 subsigns to further solidify your sneaking suspicion. Because I don’t want you to live your life suspicious.  You do however want the discernment that God gives freely to all those who ask.

The one sign that you need to be on the look out for when it comes to spotting a “Christian” narcissist is they are fake.

Like that beautiful bowl of fruit sitting on my mother’s dining room table, they put on a good front, but there is little substance behind the façade. 

 

So what does this ‘fakeness’ look like. here’s a list of 7 sub signs of a Christian Narcissist to watch out for.

 

Sign #1. Fake Humility.

 

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.

Philippians 2:3 tells us, “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

Narcissists are by definition self-absorbed, but they know that it’s not Christ like nor socially acceptable to be selfish, so many will mimic fake humility, perhaps even going so far as to put themselves down.

But watch out, this seemingly humble person will not put you first, especially if no one else is watching.

 

Sign #2. Fake Niceness.

 

Who doesn’t like a nice and agreeable person?

Narcissists have learned this one (especially the covert ones). But be careful, they will smile to your face but throw you under the bus if it suits their need. 

With their laid back attitude and seemingly sincere smile, these covert narcissists talk with a really sweet voice and pretend to be interested in you but truth be told, they are only looking for you to return the niceness and feed their fragile ego.

If you disagree or offer constructive criticism, you’ll see an entirely different side to this seemingly ’nice’ person.

 

 Sign #3. Fake Sincerity.

 

Have you ever had someone agree to your face and disregard you behind your back? It can be frustrating. Narcissists, especially the covert ones, will not have the courage to disagree with you or be truthful. Instead, they will tell you what you want to hear and do what they want anyway.

Matthew 5:37 is clear in this command: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.”

Don’t stay stuck trying to hold them accountable for their lies disguised as oversights; they have no intention on being real with you.

 

Sign #4 Fake Giving.

 

Make no mistake, narcissist are not generous people. They have the attitude of, what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine . They will, however, give for two reasons: one, if they want something in return, or two, to make themselves look good.

Matthew 23:5a describes them best when it says: “They do all their deeds to be seen by others.

 

Sign #5 Fake Faith.

 

Christian narcissists are typically in the Christian circles long enough to learn the “faith” terminology.

They know what to say to make themselves sound like faith champions.

But watch what happens when a crisis hits. Their self centered, fragile ego doesn’t rely on God. They turn to people and EXPECT help and if they don’t get it, they play the victim.

Remember faith without works, is dead (James 2:17).

 

Sign #6 Fake Repentance.

 

Narcissists aren’t apologetic.

To do so, would shatter their fragile image. However they do understand that repentance is part of the Christian process, so they fool many people with their half hearted, often side handed apologies, that typically put the blame right back on you.

Be careful of apologies that  shallow and have no personal responsibility.

 

Sign #7 Fake Thankfulness.

 

If you’re given something you were entitled to, would you be truly thankful? Likely not.

Narcissists aren’t thankful, they’re entitled.

They believe everything is owed to them. They pretend to be thankful with their overly exuberant “Thank yous,” but deep down inside they feel entitled to more and are likely resentful that you haven’t given them what they feel they truly deserve.

Don’t be fooled, my friend, these narcissist have learned the words, but they don’t have the music. If you sense something is off, be prayerful and careful before you move forward.

Depending on the type of narcissist you’re dealing with, you could go years without detecting the truth, especially if all is going well for them and you serve their purpose. But when the tide changes, and it always does, remember these 7 signs so you are better prepared.

Are you struggling with a toxic person in your life?  Grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide here.

Want more? My online course “How to Deal with Toxic People” can help you say goodbye to guilt and hello to healthy boundaries in a God honoring way. Click here for more info:

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3 replies
  1. Annie
    Annie says:

    Can someone become a narcissist when they are older? My mother is in her mid eighties and she seems to be a narcissist. Either I never noticed it before or it is something that she has developed over the past few years. I suspect her mental decline is from the enormous amount of prescription medication that she has taken most of her life. Thank you for your time

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