In today’s blog, we will be discussing ways that you may get tripped up while speaking the truth.
There are typically two types of truth-tellers, the avoided, and the blurter. If you are the avoider, you typically do everything you can to avoid the topic at all costs. That is, however, until your internal pressure cooker blows and you spew out everything that you’ve pushed down. If you are the blurter, you have no problem telling it like it is, but, you usually leave people feeling 2 inches tall and you wonder why they want to avoid you as Christians.
As Christians, you will likely want to be like Jesus, bold in your expression of Truth, yet gentle in your delivery, all in the name of love. Ephesians 4:15 instructs us, but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head. That is Christ. Speaking the truth in love is not just a matter of having a gentle and meek demeanor or a sweet-sounding voice.
So, let’s talk today about how to speak the truth in love and the four ways that you’re going to get tripped up trying to do it that way.
Number #1 – Check your heart.
Luke 6:45 tells us the good person out of the good treasure of his heart, produces good and the evil person out of the evil treasure produces evil. For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks. What comes out of your mouth comes from within you, no amount of sugar coating is going to change what’s in your heart.
In Ephesians 4:1, Paul tells us “Therefore, I, a prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling which you have been called; with all humility and gentleness, with patience bearing with one another, in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.”
We see that speaking the truth in love is not a matter of having just the right words with the right tone of voice so that you come across as gentle, humble, and patient. Rather, it’s about having the right heart where you are patient, humble, and gentle. If you are the type who can only be these things for only so long, I submit to you that you are merely trying to make behavioral changes and not true heart changes because whatever is in you, eventually will come out of you. If your heart isn’t in the right place, you will likely have a self-centered motive when you’re communicating. The best way to avoid this is to ask God to examine your heart before you communicate the truth.
Number #2 – Put honesty in the front seat!
You’ve heard it said, “honesty is the best policy” and it is true my friend. 1st Corinthians 13:6 reminds us that love rejoices with the truth. So be honest, not only in what you say but also in what’s going on inside of you. If you don’t recognize and acknowledge the fears; the apprehensions that are all going on inside of you, they will quietly continue to drive you and your moods. Despite how hard you try to speak the truth in love, we often think that honesty is rude and cruel, especially when delivering something difficult or something that others don’t want to hear. The truth is the only ones who don’t want to hear the truth are those who are living a lie. Sometimes, your desire to do the right thing to help someone can cause you to stay in an abusive situation.
Matthew 7:6 tells us this, “do not give to dogs what is Holy and do not throw your pearls before pigs lest they trample them underfoot and turn and attack you.”
Number #3 – Prep the environment.
Timing is everything! Difficult messages are best delivered when defenses are down. When preparing to communicate difficult truths to someone in love, first, you must be prayerful and ask God for His love and His words to flow through you. Then, try to plan for the best time when this person will be more likely to be open to what you have to say. Then, speak your truth with love, gentleness, and humility. The rest, my friend, is in God’s hands. Here’s where you may get tripped up; you may get tripped up by thinking that you’re responsible for saying the right thing at the right time.
My friend, this simply isn’t true, we are all responsible for how we handle information that is given to us, regardless of how it’s delivered. So, if you have someone who is rejecting your truth because you said it at a bad time or you said it in this negative way, I really want to caution you that they are taking this way too far. Consider that this person may be deflecting the truth and then blaming it on you.
Number #4 – Adjust your expectations.
If you are walking into this encounter with unrealistic or unhealthy expectations, you could be setting yourself up for failure. A healthy expectation is one that you are in control of. For example, you are in control of how you speak, what you say, and how you react to their response. The truth is, you are responsible for obedience, not the outcome. Put your hope and expectation in God, not the specifics of the outcome of that situation. Psalm 62:5 reminds us “for God alone, oh my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him.”
You may get tripped up believing that you or the other person failed if it didn’t go your way. If you believe that because you shared the truth, that this person should automatically change and change right now, then my friend, you have an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation. some people will take what you say and thank you. Some people need to process it, some people will get defensive but later think about it and some will reject it altogether. Only those living a lie, look to avoid the truth.
If you are struggling with codependency; the need to be needed and not really feeling okay unless others are okay with you; I want to invite you to check out my new course. It is called, Conquering Codependency Biblically.
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