In this course, you’ll learn the four types of toxic people and how to deal with them. You’ll learn how to say goodbye to guilt, and hello to healthy boundaries and you’ll learn the qualities that leads you to attract toxic people and so much more. My friend, don’t let these toxic people steal, one more moment of joy in your life check out How to Deal with Toxic People today.
Okay, now back to the episode being in a relationship with others requires, patience and perseverance. That’s on a good day but what do you do? When the person you’re trying to get along with is self-centered, passive-aggressive, and downright toxic everything in you wants to run, ignore, or explode. What do you do when that’s not an option?
What do you do when this toxic relationship actually, holds some value for you? Perhaps it’s your narcissistic husband, your manipulative mother, or maybe even your obnoxious boss and if you’re like most, you try to get along. But that doesn’t last very long and if this is you, you’ll likely battling with fear or frustration on a regular basis and your fear drives you to walk on eggshells so as not to poke the bear or your frustration leads you to keep it in as long as you possibly can until you explode, like a pressure cooker, making an even bigger mess than they did.
Before we dive in, I want to preface our time by saying this. If you are looking to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist, my friend, you might be barking up the wrong tree. It is near impossible to have a healthy relationship, defined by a genuine and loving connection with someone who makes everything all about them, too. But let’s say you have to get along with this person for the sake of your children or because you still want this person in your life or because you’re not ready to just cut them out yet and it may feel like you have to pretend to be something or someone you’re not just to be in relationship with this person and fall.
That’s not entirely untrue. It’s more likely that you have to limit your exposure to certain parts of you to this person. But the good news is this. You don’t have to sell your soul just to get along with a narcissist.
So let’s talk about eight ways that you can get along with a narcissist without selling your soul:
#1 – Find Common Ground.
Romans 12:18 reminds us, “if possible so far as it depends on you live peaceably with all.” Narcissists are shallow, self-centered individuals. Yes. Even the covert ones who pretend to care about others. Life is all about them and this can make for some super shallow and boring conversation after a while. But if you want to try to get along with this person, find the areas that you know you have in common and don’t deviate from it. In some cases, it could be a hobby or politics, or even just the weather.
Look, I get it you want more depth out of a relationship that’s good. Go find that depth elsewhere just not with the narcissist and a word of warning be careful not to stumble on narcissistic ground as it can often be very centered around ungodly behavior like gossip and criticism so don’t make that your common ground.
#2 – Love anyway.
Being with a narcissist is like having a piece of sandpaper stuck up your skivvies. It’s irritating at best and painful at worst and it’s likely. The last thing that you feel towards this person is love but just remember we tend to equate love with fuzzy feelings that say oh I love how you make me feel when I’m around you but that’s not mature love. That’s actually selfish narcissistic love the kind of love that narcissists actually thrive off of but you as a child of God, have a new Commandment found in John 13:34. It says this, “a new commandment I give to you that you love one another just as I have loved you you also are to love one another.”
#3 – Forgive quickly.
I frequently go hiking in the woods to be prepared for the numerous wild animals. I may encounter I am equipped with strong yet. Gentle devices to defend myself if needed. I would never think to walk in the woods unprepared and the same is true for your interactions with a narcissist. You always have to have forgiveness at the ready, otherwise now you become susceptible to bitterness and I don’t know about you, but I have no interest in blocking my blessings because of someone else’s toxic dysfunctional behavior.
And I love the way Proverbs 17:14 puts it, “the beginning of strife is like letting out water so quit before the quarrel breaks out.”
Okay. I get it. It feels like you’re letting them get away with murder. Don’t worry. God’s got it. Let it go. It’s better than carrying around your bag of bitterness.
#4 – Be holy.
Your job is not to control the behavior of the narcissist. Your goal is to keep your relationship with the Holy Spirit at the forefront of the interaction. In other words, let Holiness let the Holiness of Christ shine through you. Follow Hebrews 12:14 and it says “strive for peace with everyone and for the Holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”
#5 – Deal with the anxious feelings.
Interacting with narcissists don’t just take energy during your time together but they can suck the life out of you before and after the interaction, if you let them, it can be nerve-racking trying to plan and prepare for your upcoming time and even more exhausting running the conversation over and over again in your head. But instead of letting anxiety have her wicked way in you, apply Psalm 129:223. And it says this, “Search me, God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts.”
My friend, It is during these interactions that you can actually use the narcissist to your advantage, allow them to reveal, what’s going on inside of you. And then you take that to the Lord for healing.
#6 – Set limits.
Narcissists are draining. So regardless of who the narcissist is in your life, husband, mother, sisters, father, or friend, there needs to be limits in place. Set limits on what you’re willing to talk about. Set limits on what you’re willing to give. And most importantly my friend set time limit. Getting along and being Christ-like, does not mean that you have to be available whenever they require. Keep Proverbs 25:17 in mind, “Let your foot. Be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he has his fill of you and hate you.”
# 7 – Don’t take it personally.
But don’t tolerate bad behavior, either. If something offensive has been said speak the truth in love and determine if a limit needs to be put in place.
#8 – Get support.
My friend, You can’t go this alone. When interacting with these people, you need to be constantly armed with prayer, faith, and wisdom, all to deal, rightly with these people. You have to be able to recognize your blind spots. Proverbs 11:14, says it best when it says, “where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety.”
So whether you hire a professional counselor, lean on your small group or have a Godly friend, you can count on be sure to have your support system, ready before you head, into your interaction, with them, or after if needed. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is not ideal. And it’s certainly not going to be that loving in-depth relationship that you so long for regardless of the image that they gave you at the very beginning. But my friend, it is possible to salvage what little there is left and prayerfully God will change their hearts at the very least. You did the best you could to honor Christ. Don’t take it personally my friend. Even Jesus had a Judas.