I recently had to cut someone out of my life and just before I hit that send button, I realized, THIS IS SO CONFUSING!

I vacillated between thinking, Maybe it’s me and No, I’m positive I’ve done all I could.

And between, Maybe I didn’t give them enough chances and I can’t keep doing this.

Days turned into weeks until five months later, I was no closer to setting boundaries and more confused than ever.

The stress of keeping this person in my life was hitting me big time but the thought of setting boundaries made me feel like a terrible person. It was driving me mad.

And then it hit me—I wasn’t taking my own advice.

I confess, I thought maybe my situation was different. I battled with feeling like I had to live up to a higher ‘grace’ standard. 

I kept trying to find alternate solutions that always ended in disaster because I was ignoring the 3 signs that God wants this person OUT of my life.

It reminded me of April 1988. I had worked so hard to grow my hair long and it was finally grazing my mid-back. I was so happy. But there was a problem—my hair was fried. It was so dry and brittle from all of the perms and bleaching (don’t judge me) that even though it was long, it didn’t look good.

But my thought was, “It’s better than nothing, right?” Wrong!

Maybe you didn’t rock the ridiculous hair styles of the 80s, but I know you’re battling with the same confusion regarding the toxic person in your life, so I’m going to show you those three signs, as well as the one thing that will get in your way if you don’t address it.

So let’s dive into the three signs that God is trying to remove someone from your life. But before we do, I want you to understand that in order to gain the clarity and confidence to walk away from a toxic relationship and stay away from dangerous pitfalls, you’re going to need wisdom and trust. 

Yes, trust that healthy shorter hair will look much better than long stringy hair, but also trust that God is with you and wants to guide you.

There is one thing that can hold you back from hearing the voice of God. And that is clutter.

Not the kind of clutter that falls on you when you open your closet. I’m talking about the clutter in your mind. 

All those shoulds and shouldn’ts will keep you trapped.

Saying things like, “Oh, I really shouldn’t be feeling this way,” or, “She’s my mother, she should be treating me with respect,” or, “He’s my friend, he shouldn’t be talking behind my back.”

Getting caught in the toxic thought pattern of what someone else should or shouldn’t be doing puts you on an emotional rollercoaster with the other person in control.

So let’s dive into the three signs God is trying to remove someone from your life.

Sign #1: They’re poisoning your garden.

I’m not much of a gardener. In fact, I have two black thumbs.

The other day I pointed out to my husband that we have this plant growing out of nowhere in our backyard. After all, it was green, it had leaves. It looked like a plant to me. But when I touched it, it didn’t feel like any plant I’d want to be around.

In fact, it wasn’t a plant, it was a weed. A giant, prickly weed. The problem with leaving this plant to proliferate is that they will eventually choke out everything good in my garden. And you’ll be tempted to blame the weeds, but it’s your job to pull them up.

The same is true with toxic people in your life. When someone in your life looks and acts healthy and normal one minute but you’re constantly getting pricked by them, it’s likely a sign that God is trying to show you that this person isn’t who you want them to be.

Letting them grow in your garden, isn’t going to make them into a beautiful plant, it will just infect the good.

Remember 1 Corinthians 15:33: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

Sign #2: A shift in feelings.

Maybe you’re getting along just fine in the relationship and suddenly, there’s a shift in how you feel. It could be a shift in your feelings toward them or their feelings toward you.

While feelings are fickle and should never be followed arbitrarily, they can certainly be an indicator of the happenings in the relationship.

After all, remember in Exodus 7 where God hardened the pharaoh’s heart?

Romans 9:17-18 declares, “For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: ‘I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.’

If God will harden Pharaoh’s heart to fulfill His purpose, what makes you think He won’t do it to fulfill His purpose in YOUR life?

Sign #3: God removed them before, but YOU let them back in.

Just because you conceded to letting this person back into your life, doesn’t mean God wanted it.

Maybe you’ve been down this road already and you mustered up the courage to kick this toxic influence to the curb. But then, you started vacillating in your mind:

Maybe it wasn’t that bad.

I really miss him.

It’s better than nothing.

And the next thing you know, you’re opening a door that God previously shut.

Can people change? Yes, of course. But many don’t. And that’s why scripture is clear when it says, “You’ll know them by their fruit.” 

My friend, fruit takes time to grow.

So if you once had a rotten apple tree that now claims to be a healthy orange tree, you’d be wise to give it time to see if the fruit is real and not rotten.

Remember, God removed them for a reason and perhaps it’s just for a season, but you’re treading on dangerous territory when YOU become the decider. Because chances are, you’re not using godly wisdom, but rather making decisions out of emotional distress.

The truth is, leaving bad relationships is hard—even the ones that are terribly toxic for you. 

Pain from your past and old wounds can keep you trapped in something far beneath God’s best for you.

When you are faced with difficult decisions about removing people from your life, it can be easy to feel lost and unsure of what to do. However, it’s important to remember that there may be signs God is trying to remove someone from your life. If you have a pattern of picking poor partners or allowing others to influence your otherwise good judgment, you will need to train yourself to trust God for guidance and not your own understanding (or emotional distress). 

Want to learn how to set boundaries with people before they infect your life? Check out this episode here.