Have you ever read the NTV Bible?
No I’m not referring to the KJV, NIV, or my all time favorite–the ESV.
I’m talking about the NTV–the narcissist twisted version. The one where they take God’s truth and distort it beyond recognition to suit their narrative. The one that leaves you feeling dazed and confused.
In any version of the bible, you will find the inerrant truth of God’s word. But what happens if you’re being fed a distorted version?
If you’ve been living with a narcissist who loves to quote scripture to you, you’ve like been fed the NTV–the narcissist version of the truth.
So which one do you believe?
My hope is to expose you to the narcissist manipulation techniques so that you can never be manipulated again.
That’s why I’m going to breakdown the four scriptures narcissists just can’t resist twisting, their main motivator when using these scriptures, and the foolproof benchmark to ensure you are never manipulated again by misused scripture.
The narcissist’s misuse of scripture is like a chef twisting a classic pasta recipe into some distorted version for their own gain.
Maybe instead of the regular ingredients, he decides to add a few extra that he’s got lying around, a few that are about to expire, and maybe even an idea that he’d like to try—at your expense. And I’m not talking about complementary ingredients. I’m talking about ingredients that don’t belong and completely distort the dish. Like peanut butter in lasagna.
The foundational elements are there but the finished dish is distorted beyond recognition. It’s no longer appetizing. It’s food, but it’s not what it was intended to be. In fact, it’s repulsive.
The same is true for the narcissist’s use of scripture. They don’t use scripture for it’s intended purpose but rather to serve their own selfish agenda, leaving those who are feeding off of their mess, confused and malnourished.
So why do narcissists twist scripture?
The truth is, they can’t resist. Scripture is a weapon for them to use against you. Satan did it to Jesus in the wilderness when he twisted three scriptures to try and get him to back off from his ultimate mission—the cross.
While the Word of God is a powerful weapon, much like that recipe, the narcissist turns that weapon into a weapon of manipulative destruction.
In fact there are four driving forces behind the narcissists craving for scripture:
- Get you to do something for them
- Get you to stop doing something to them
- Get you to believe their lies
- Get you to assume the blame
It really is that simple.
Their motive has always been and likely will always be self-focus—self-protection and self-preservation.
They actually don’t care if you’re following biblical principles. They don’t care if you’re honoring God in who you are and what you do. They only care how your actions impact them.
Scripture is only used to their benefit NOT yours.
In other words, trusting a narcissist to use scripture properly is likely hiring a wolf to guard the sheep.
So what are the scriptures that they LOVE to manipulate you with?
Here is How Narcissist Manipulation Techniques Work for Twisting Scriptures:
Twisted scripture #1
I know you’ve heard this one before. You’ve likely had it thrown in your face every time you raise an issue. It’s tossed about every single time they don’t want to face the consequences for their actions.
And here’s the interesting part–it’s not even a specific scripture. Rather, it’s a concept. A concept that they embrace hypocritically, of course. Meaning, they can use it against you but you can’t use it against them. And that ‘concept’ is forgiveness.
What forgiveness means to a narcissist is that you have no issues, no complaints, no hurts due to their past “mistakes.” Simply take their hollow apology as golden and move forward in some happy, ignorant, fantasy world where they’re still worthy of your adoration.
It means stop talking about it, let it go, never to be brought up again or YOU are in violation of God’s word.
Here’s where you get caught in their manipulative web. Scripture DOES command us to forgive.
But narcissists conveniently ignore that forgiveness can be given, but trust must be earned.
And they can’t stomach hearing those words, “I don’t trust you,” so they wrap it in package of “unforgiveness.”
They don’t want to earn your trust. They don’t want to EARN anything. They want it handed to them on the silver platter with no questions asked, conveniently forgetting that THEY are the ones called to repent and restore the broken trust.
Twisted scripture #2
Narcissists hate getting called out on their bad behavior. It’s like a cat drenched in water–shocked, angry, and looking for any way of escape.
Their ego is big but fragile. So when you come at them with an accusation or a wrong doing, or simply try to hold them accountable for their actions, Matthew 7:1 will be used as a shield against you. “Judge not that you not be judged.”
They will argue that any attempt to call out their behavior is unjust judgment, thereby deflecting responsibility and guilt-tripping the accuser into silence AND further solidifying themselves into the victim position. They conveniently ignore the broader biblical context of discernment and accountability.
They interpret Matthew 7:1 as permission to judge others “righteously,” of course, and condemn you for bringing unbiblical and false accusations against their superior sense of awesomeness.
They will judge you and anyone else that crosses their path in a nanosecond.
Remember, the rules (or in this case, the scriptures) don’t apply to them. Their aim with this twisted scripture is to get you to back down and back off, letting them go back to their delusion of grandeur.
Twisted scripture #3
This comes from the narcissist’s insatiable need for power and authority–even the covert narcissist.
In their ideal world, everyone would be subservient to them. After all, they’re entitled to it.
But since there are no scriptures that can justify that dream as a reality, they will gladly settle on Ephesians 5:22 to justify control–“Wives submit to your own husbands.”
And while yes, of course, wives are to submit to their husbands, they use this a means to exercise unquestionable authority over her and conveniently ignoring Eph 5:21—“Submit yourselves therefore to one another.”
And of course, they can’t be bothered to read three verses later where it states: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
A narcissist isn’t giving up anything, and their “love” is only self-serving.
They interpret “wives submit to your husbands” as a way to avoid any accountability, partnership, or inclusion in the relationship. It’s my way or the highway and if you don’t follow, you’re in violation.
It’s the ultimate in gaslighting.
Twisted scripture #4
This one has torn apart more families than any other. It’s the one that has caused more pain and confusion than any other twisted scripture.
Countless clients come to me wanting to understand what it means to Honor thy father and mother. After all, it’s the first command that comes with a blessing attached–Exodus 20:12, not that they would know where it’s found in the bible.
But in their desire to do right by God, these poor unsuspecting people are caught in a manipulative, gaslit mess that leaves them feeling like they are completely dishonoring God unless they follow every command and beck and call from mom or dad.
Narcissists abuse this well-known scripture to mean that you have to obey everything I tell you. I’m your mother. I’m your father. Don’t you dare question me. You’re not my equal, you are a child.
No matter how old you get, you are stuck in a perpetual child-like state in their eyes.
I’m not talking about how as parents, we say, you’ll always be my baby. I’m talking about a wickedly, manipulative attempt to control the adult child’s life.
The truth is there are two words that are taken completely out of context—children, and honor.
To the narcissist, children means any age, and honor means ‘anything I say.’
But the biblical command in Exodus 20:12 and Eph 6:1-3 refers to respecting, showing love, gratitude, and care towards one’s parents.
It is NOT your responsibility to meet their twisted version of what love and honor means.
Here’s the thing. Narcissists operate much like their leader, satan, by telling you lies that are founded and grounded in SOME truth.
Scripture does command us to forgive, honor thy father and mother, submit, and do not judge.
So how do you know if the scripture that’s being thrown at you is something you need to yield to or dodge?
Here are three simple benchmarks to follow:
- Is it done in love? Scripture should be a mirror, not a sledgehammer.
- Is the scripture being used IN CONTEXT? Using scripture outside of what God intended it to mean, is a gross misuse of His precious Word. The only way to know this is to be in the Word for yourself.
- Are other passages conveniently being ignored? A man telling his woman, ‘You need to submit’ while he blatantly ignores other scriptures designed to hold him accountable is not someone you can trust.
The truth is, narcissists don’t care about honoring God’s word. They don’t even care if YOU honor God’s word.
All they care about is how your actions affect them, and which ones they can use to support their delusion.
The scary part is, the narcissist goes beyond twisting scripture into downright demonic mind games.
To discover the 11 Demonic Mind Games Narcissists use to Manipulate You, check out this episode.
I hope you found this information on narcissist manipulation techniques for twisting scriptures helpful and it will help you get save from being manipulated.
And sometimes people-pleasing can keep you in the toxic relationships longer than you’d like. To find out what type of people pleaser you are, be sure to take the FREE quiz below.
Am I a People Pleaser Quiz? Discover Your Type.
