Narcissists are drawn to people they can control and manipulate like pirates to a treasure map. They’re not in it for the journey; they’re in it for the loot they can claim for themselves. How to scare a narcissist? It’s simpler than you might think: become someone they fear.
You do not want to be a narcissist magnet.
That’s why I want to break down for you the 7 types of people the narcissist simply can’t stand. I also want to share with you the one type of person they are always drawn to. By the end of our time today, you will be fully equipped to become less of a magnet and more of a repellant to the parasitic freeloaders.
How to Scare a Narcissist!
Type #1: Whistleblowers
Whistleblowers can best be described by their uncontrollable need to expose lies, illuminate facts, and report those who are doing wrong—regardless of the consequences. They don’t care if it makes them unpopular. These truth tellers can’t let a lie go unreported.
And we need these people, because narcissists are always scamming. Whether it’s at a high level in the corporate board room or in the privacy of your living room, narcissists are always looking for an angle to get what they want. Even if they are caught in their transgressions, it’s not unusual for them to bribe, gaslight, or threaten their way out of consequences. Narcissists can’t tolerate whistleblowers because they don’t care about what the narcissist says or does to them, they just want them exposed.
Type #2: Identity Mavericks
Identity mavericks know who they are and the value they bring to a relationship. They are solid in their identity and even more grounded in their authenticity (meaning, what’s happening on the inside matches what’s going on on the outside). They know their strengths, weaknesses, and needs, and consider themselves every bit as valuable as others.
Narcissists, on the other hand, are anything but authentic with their false facades and phony exteriors. They work hard to portray an image to others (and themselves). And although they come across as arrogant and smug, they actually carry intense shame and a severely fractured identity. They can’t handle genuine, authentic people, because inside they’re wondering if you can see right through them.
That’s why they often accuse people of wrong intentions because they can’t wrap their head around someone actually being who they say they are.
When you are secure in your identity, it makes you near-impossible to manipulate.
Type #3: Compassionate Commanders
Jaime was a client of mine years ago who landed her dream job. But that joy quickly shifted when she recognized that her boss’ charm and charisma was actually narcissism in disguise. This hit her during her second meeting when her boss unveiled a project that was exciting and ground-breaking, but it blurred ethical lines.
Jaime was not comfortable with this. So she calmly spoke up during the meeting and challenged her boss’ ethics, explaining how going down a more honorable road would be advantageous for all involved. Her boss was clearly not happy and her coworkers sat frozen, wondering what to do. Gradually, one by one, the others spoke up and raised their concerns.
Jaime is a classic compassionate commander: she’s highly empathetic but assertive. She’s not the type to bottle things up until she explodes. Rather, she raises issues in a calm, respectful manner.
You may be wondering… did Jaime’s boss change course? No, but he did excuse Jaime from the project and admitted to having respect for her.
People who are strong in their convictions, not afraid to speak up, but still respectful are a puzzle to the narcissists. They don’t know what to do with them, because they count on your bad behavior to justify theirs. Since narcissists don’t like to look bad, they will frequently concede.
The compassionate commander has a unique way of calling out the narcissist while leaving his fragile ego intact.
Type #4: Wisdom Warriors
The Wisdom Warrior has very strong discernment. They recognize when they’re being manipulated and don’t fall for sweet talk and fake platitudes. This wisdom can come from both personal experience and supernatural impartation.
Have you ever met someone who was able to see through the facade of others and expose their true motives long before others could? These people have a gift of discernment. I’m not talking about simply being able to read people or even having a spirit of criticism. I’m talking about people with wisdom beyond their years.
The Wisdom Warrior never gets caught in gaslighting and they certainly don’t gaslight themselves. They know the truth and they are virtually impossible to manipulate.
If you feel like you’re the type of person who once had wisdom and now it’s slipped away and you find yourself more confused, it’s likely that you started to ignore the wisdom you were given. When we aren’t good stewards of the gifts given to us, they can be taken away.
If you knew the truth but justified another possibility in your mind, or you ignored the red flags that were sent to protect you, you didn’t grow in wisdom as we’re instructed—instead you rejected it.
I get it, I’ve been there. There is a way back. First, repent of rejecting God’s wisdom and ask for it to be given to you. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
But James 1:6 says, don’t you dare doubt.
My friend, wisdom and discernment are the gifts that can repel narcissists. They don’t like being around people who can see right through them.
Type #5: Emotional Eagles
Emotional eagles are in a class by themselves. These self-assured people don’t need validation from others. They have their own thoughts and are in control of their feelings.
Narcissists thrive off of others who ‘need’ them. That’s how they maintain control. If they temporarily lose control of the situation or relationship, they will employ any number of tactics, from stonewalling to gaslighting to name calling to downright bullying, to regain their dominance.
Emotional Eagles are fiercely independent. That’s not to say that they don’t have a healthy interdependence on others, but they are far from codependent. They don’t need the narcissist to validate them. They don’t need the narcissist to like them, love them, or need them.
While they have a lot to offer to a relationship, they would rather fly solo than cluck with aggressive chickens.
That’s why, my friend it is crucial to heal from codependency. I want you to feel OK even when others aren’t OK with you.
If you’re struggling with codependency, be sure to check out my online course Conquering Codependence Biblically.
No codependency, my friend, no control.
Type #6: The Boundary Boss
People who assert strong boundaries and maintain a high level of autonomy are often intolerable to narcissists.
Remember, narcissists thrive on control and influence over others. They will always surround themselves with ‘yes’ men and women who don’t push back.
The ironic thing is that’s the very quality that makes them not respect you. Talk about a double hit—you don’t say no to keep them happy with you, and your unwillingness to say no is the very thing that makes them think less of you.
Your ability to say no (even if you feel guilty) can make you repellent to a narcissist, and they’ll move on to an easier target.
Type #7: The Skeptic
Skepticism doesn’t seem like a godly quality but 1 John 4:1 reminds us: “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”
Narcissists just want you to buy into their line of bull without question. They want you to believe misinformation and manipulated perceptions unchallenged.
So when they encounter the skeptic, they are taken aback because now they have to explain their bold statements and outlandish accusations.
The skeptic is a critical thinker who asks questions—lots of questions—because they truly want to have an engaging conversation and understand. They will not, repeat, WILL NOT, just accept a narcissist’s word salad as truth.
They will not just nod their head in agreement. And they certainly WILL NOT put the narcissist on a pedestal. THAT a narcissist can’t tolerate, because they don’t want anyone to question them—they want everyone to take what they say as the gospel truth. Not the skeptic.
Did you know that there is one person that the narcissist is frequently drawn to? These people are the easiest to control and the most effortless to manipulate.
Narcissists love the Confused Christian.
The Confused Christian is the one who wants to follow God, but they aren’t solid in their understanding of biblical truth. They know the concepts but not the whole truth.
These unsuspecting Christians are easy to lead astray. Narcissists love the challenge of pulling you away from your faith and frequently focus on using scripture against the Confused Christian.
And since the Confused Christian longs to follow biblical principles and be seen in a favorable, loving light, they often don’t challenge the narcissist’s distorted version of biblical principles.
But the truth is, the narcissist’s use of scripture is only ever used to their advantage.
How to scare a narcissist? Become wise, assertive, independent, discerning, and steadfast in your convictions. Narcissists cannot tolerate those who stand strong in their identity, values, and boundaries.
In fact, there are four scriptures that narcissists can’t resist twisting. To expose their lies and discover the truth, click here.
Be sure to grab a copy of your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide to learn how to identify and deal with all the difficult people in your life. Click here for your FREE guide.
