Have you ever felt like someone in your life was trying to manipulate you? When you finally stand up to them or call them out, their behavior often becomes even more toxic. Here’s the hard truth: when a narcissist can’t manipulate you, they don’t just walk away. Instead, they double down on some of the most destructive narcissistic manipulation tactics imaginable. They have to be in control, and they’ve mastered that art so well that you might not even realize that it’s happening. In fact, their manipulation can be so subtle, so calculated, that you may even mistake their actions for love. But make no mistake, my friend, their need for control and manipulation is fueled by the chaos that is going on inside of them, and they will do whatever it takes to create order around themselves, even if it means at your expense. Their tactic bag is big, and they know exactly which manipulative maneuver to pull out when needed. 

So, I want you to buckle up, because we’ve got some tactics to unpack. We’re going to dive into the five toxic tactics and the multiple methods within those categories so you can protect yourself. 

5 Narcissistic Tactics Of Manipulation You’ll Encounter When They’re Losing Control Over You

Tactic #1: Manipulation Through Others

Narcissists can’t play their games alone – they need a crew, and the more people they can pull into their game, the better. This serves two purposes: it gives them validation and fuels their justification for making you the problem. Even if a narcissist occasionally feels guilty or self-reflective, having others validate their story keeps them locked in their destructive patterns.

Their key tactics include:

• Smear campaigns: They spread lies, rumors, and exaggerated stories about you to mutual friends, family, and especially colleagues. These campaigns often start long before a relationship falls apart, as they prepare their narrative early.
• Triangulation: They involve third parties to pressure or shame you into compliance, talking about you to others and others to you, but never allowing direct communication.
• Targeting others close to you: They focus manipulative efforts on your family and friends to isolate and alienate you.
• Using children in legal battles: They frequently engage in prolonged legal disputes and use children as manipulative tools through parental alienation.

Tactic #2: Emotional and Psychological Warfare

Yes, you read that right! When manipulation fails, narcissists resort to psychological warfare tactics. Here are some of the sneakiest tactics you’ll need to be on the watch out for:

• Silent treatment/stonewalling: They completely withdraw communication to punish you for non-compliance and make you question your stance.
• Guilt trips: They remind you of past sacrifices and things they’ve done for you, using your empathy against you.
• Emotional outbursts: They suddenly display anger, tears, or frustration to provoke reactions and shift the narrative away from their behavior.
• Gaslighting: They deny past events, twist facts, and make you question your memory or perception, often dismissing your concerns as overreactions.
• Projection: They accuse you of the very behaviors they’re guilty of, either reactively or proactively as a diversion.

Tactic #3: Attempts to Regain Control

Narcissists can’t stand being out of control, even the seemingly passive, covert ones. They will resort to whatever they need to, to try to regain control through:

• Love bombing: They display high levels of affection and make promises to change, attempting to reset their control.
• Hoovering: They send random messages, gifts, or reminders of good times to test if you’ll re-engage.
• Future faking: They make grand promises about plans they’ll finally follow through on.
• Boundary pushing: They test your limits with small violations and ignore boundaries to provoke reactions.

They are going to test your limits by doing those small things that they know bother you, and they’re also going to ignore or they’re just going to flat-out dismiss your boundaries to see if they can get a reaction from you. They love to stomp boundaries. Remember, narcissists are very shallow and hollow people. They don’t have a lot going on internally, except for the chaos, destruction, insecurity, and fear they’ve got going on inside.

Tactic #4: Retaliation and Intimidation

When control tactics fail, narcissists love turning to revenge and retaliation. They’ll take actions to hurt you by sabotaging your reputation, finances, and relationships. In extreme cases, they may resort to stalking and harassment – following you, having you monitored, planting tracking devices, or recruiting others to watch you under false pretenses.

And my friend, I really want to encourage you to be very prayerful over that. Romans, 1219, says “Do not avenge yourself. Leave it to the wrath of God. Vengeance is mine. Revenge. Vengeance is Mine, says the Lord, I will repay.” My friends, it is absolutely crucial that you do not play into their toxic tactics. And I know how easy it is because you’re hurt too, but I want to encourage you to offload your stuff in a healthy, mature, biblical manner, and that is done through prayer, talking with godly counsel, and godly friends who can put you in check if you’re starting to go down a wrong road.

Tactic #5: Emotional Withdrawal and Distancing

Finally, narcissists may demonstrate:

• Sudden indifference: They act as though they never cared about you, causing you to question yourself.
• Splitting: They shift you from “all good” to “all bad” – from the pedestal to the pit – with no middle ground.
• Playing the martyr: They act as though they’ve sacrificed everything for your happiness, framing their actions as selfless to make you feel indebted.

Remember, when a narcissist can’t manipulate you anymore, they often become more destructive rather than less. Their need for control is fueled by their internal chaos, and they’ll do whatever it takes to create order around them, even at your expense. Understanding these tactics is crucial for protecting yourself and maintaining healthy boundaries as you navigate these challenging relationships.

Stay strong, maintain your boundaries, and remember that their escalating narcissistic manipulation tactics often signal that your boundaries are working – even though it may not feel like it in the moment.

Maintaining boundaries can be very difficult when you’re dealing with codependency. Do you find yourself relying excessively on others for approval – even to the detriment of your own well-being? Check out my Conquering Codependency Course to learn how to get unstuck from unhealthy relationships and patterns – once and for all.

If you’re feeling like you could use more support to combat narcissistic manipulation tactics, be sure to grab a copy of my FREE Toxic People Survival Guide. It’s chock full of education, with scriptures to pray and responses to say when you’re stuck in the middle of a narcissistic relationship.