Maybe you’ve found yourself asking, Why do they act this way? Is this narcissism? Or is it something else entirely?

If you’ve been wrestling with these questions, you’re not alone. Emotional immaturity can look a lot like narcissism, leaving you confused and questioning what you’re dealing with. But here’s the good news: God is revealing their emotional immaturity to help you understand how to respond in a way that preserves your peace, your faith, and even the relationship.

Today, we’ll uncover the 8 signs of emotional immaturity, how they differ from narcissism, and what you can do to navigate these Christian relationships with grace and wisdom.

Emotional Immaturity: A Child in an Adult Body

Dealing with emotionally immature people in Christian relationships is like trying to reason with a child who hasn’t learned how to manage life’s challenges. Children cry, lash out, or shut down when things don’t go their way because they haven’t developed the emotional tools to handle their feelings.

Emotionally immature adults aren’t much different. Many of them experienced trauma, neglect, or a lack of guidance growing up, leaving them ill-equipped to deal with adult responsibilities and Christian relationships.

The result? You’re left tiptoeing around their reactions, trying to avoid triggering their outbursts, defensiveness, or sulking. It’s exhausting—and it can feel a lot like narcissism.

But here’s the thing: while narcissists are often intentionally manipulative, emotionally immature people are usually just trying to survive with the limited tools they have. And God may be revealing this immaturity in them to help you respond with clarity, wisdom, and grace.

8 Signs of Emotional Immaturity and Christian Relationships

1. Blaming Others

Emotionally immature people treat responsibility like a game of hot potato—constantly passing it off to someone else. Instead of owning their mistakes, they’ll say things like, “If you hadn’t nagged me, I wouldn’t have forgotten,” or “You’re the reason I’m so stressed!”

Blaming stems from their inability to handle the discomfort of accountability. But Galatians 6:5 reminds us:
“For each one should carry their own load.”

How to Respond: Gently hold them accountable without taking on their blame. Use clear, calm communication to express expectations and boundaries.

2. Emotional Rollercoasters

Being in a relationship with an emotionally immature person can feel like riding a rollercoaster you didn’t sign up for. Their mood swings are unpredictable—small issues turn into major crises, and you’re left bracing for the next high or low.

Proverbs 29:11 says:
“A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.”

How to Respond: Stay grounded in your own emotions and avoid getting swept up in their highs and lows.

3. Defensiveness

Imagine every conversation feeling like you’re walking through a minefield. Even the simplest critique or suggestion triggers an explosion of excuses, counterattacks, or outright denial.

Proverbs 10:17 reminds us:
“Whoever heeds instruction is on the life path, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray.”

How to Respond: Approach conversations with care and focus on solutions rather than pointing out faults.

4. Victim Mentality

Victim mentality is like wearing glasses that distort every situation—they see themselves as the perpetual victim, blaming others for their problems and refusing to take responsibility.

Matthew 7:3 challenges this mindset:
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”

How to Respond: Avoid getting pulled into their narrative. Encourage them to reflect on their choices and consequences.

5. Silent Treatment (Stonewalling)

The silent treatment is like shutting a door mid-conversation, cutting off the connection, and leaving unresolved tension. While narcissists use this as a control tactic, emotionally immature people do it to avoid conflict.

How to Respond: Don’t chase or overreact. Instead, calmly address the issue when they’re ready to talk.

6. Impulsivity

Impulsivity is like driving a car without brakes—reckless decisions and emotional outbursts leave you both dealing with the aftermath.

Proverbs 13:16 says:
“The prudent act with knowledge, but fools expose their folly.”

How to Respond: Encourage thoughtful decision-making by asking questions that help them pause and consider long-term consequences.

7. Selfishness

Selfishness feels like living in someone else’s shadow. Every moment revolves around their needs, leaving little room for mutual care.

Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us:
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”

How to Respond: Balance the relationship by setting boundaries and addressing their behavior calmly but firmly.

8. Manipulation

Manipulation often stems from insecurity or fear, but it still leaves you feeling controlled and pressured. Whether it’s guilt trips or playing the victim, their goal is to offload their emotions onto you.

Proverbs 11:3 says:
“The integrity of the upright guides them, but the crookedness of the treacherous destroys them.”

How to Respond: Recognize the manipulation for what it is and refuse to take on guilt that isn’t yours.

Emotional Immaturity vs. Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference

The key difference between emotional immaturity and narcissism lies in intent and self-awareness. Emotional immaturity is rooted in insecurity and a lack of emotional tools. These individuals may feel regret or show a willingness to change when approached with patience.

Narcissism, on the other hand, is characterized by entitlement, manipulation, and a lack of empathy. Narcissists rarely take accountability and are resistant to change, often using others to maintain control and superiority.

Not all emotionally immature people are narcissists, but all narcissists are emotionally immature.

Understanding this distinction can help you navigate Christian relationships with wisdom and discernment.

How to Respond to Emotional Immaturity

Dealing with emotionally immature people requires patience, boundaries, and grace:

• Stay calm: Don’t react emotionally to their outbursts or defensiveness.
• Set clear boundaries: Protect your emotional well-being by being firm and consistent.
• Pray for them: God can do a transformative work in their lives, but they must be open to it.

Can They Change?

Yes, but only if they’re willing to. Emotional maturity requires self-reflection, humility, and a desire to grow—qualities God can cultivate when they surrender to Him.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Want to dive deeper into these behaviors and learn how to navigate them biblically?

• Watch “5 Clues to Spot a Christian Narcissist” here.
• Take the Conquering Codependency Biblically Online Course to equip yourself with practical and spiritual tools for healthier relationships: Enroll now.