Did you know that there’s a reason why you feel spiritually exhausted, lost, and like a villain in your own story? Today, I’m going to deal with a topic that most churches try to avoid – sometimes the devil will hand-pick a narcissist just for you, and then he’s going to disguise it as a test of faith. So, I’m going to show you the 6 signs that the enemy is working behind the scenes in that relationship.
Before we dive into the 6 clear signs, I want you to picture your life as as precious hand-carved heirloom. It is a priceless piece of art that was crafted by God for a very unique purpose. Now imagine what happens when an expert counterfeiter sneaks in, slowly swapping out the genuine parts for cheap imitations. At first glance, you may not notice what’s been replaced, but over time, you’re going to start to feel hollow and out of place, like the masterpiece you once were is fading, and then you reach a point where you barely recognize yourself.
Some of us have spent years polishing the surface, hoping that no one sees what’s missing on the inside. We tell ourselves it’s faithfulness to protect this relationship at all costs, but deep down, we’re afraid to look too closely. We’re terrified to admit that something precious may have been stolen.
So, before I reveal these things, I want you to pause and gently ask yourself this: Am I guarding a treasure that God gave me, or have I let someone else rewrite my story?
It is time to let go and learn how to spot these forgeries so that you can reclaim the true, original work that God crafted you to be.
Are you ready to dive in? We’re going to reveal the 6 signs that the enemy may have hand-picked this narcissist just for you.
Sign #1 – You Were Destined for Purpose
The 1st sign is you were destined for purpose – so here’s what the enemy did – he sent a counterfeit connection.
When you’re reaching a point where you’re stepping into your calling, the enemy is going to send someone who looks like answered prayers. They quote scripture, say all the right things, maybe even pray with you, but their “light” isn’t real, and before you know it, you are emotionally entangled, you’re confused, and drained, and that’s because the enemy loves imitation. He can only operate in the counterfeit. He is not a creator like our Heavenly Father, he can counterfeit.
In fact, it reminds me of something similar I’m going through right now. I’ve just announced that my new book is out, and what actually blows my mind is the number of people who have flat-out copied the book. There are people on Amazon and YouTube who are actually producing the same exact title, they’re even using my name! The number of claims that I have had to file with YouTube and Amazon for Trademark and Copyright infringement is mind-blowing.
And this is what I’m talking about, because they’re not out there genuinely creating a product that is going to be beneficial for someone, they’re creating a counterfeit. They’re stealing what is already someone else’s and making it their own. And that is what the enemy loves to do, and he does this best through people – narcissists – who struggle in their own identity, because they’re easy pawns. Sometimes you look at yourself and think, “Wow, maybe I’m an easy target” – no, the narcissist is that pawn. They don’t even realize that the enemy is using them as a puppet, but what they do realize is that there is something disingenuous within them, so they need to counterfeit.
I want you to remember what 2 Corinthians 11:14 says – “And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.”
So, what’s the goal? Well, it’s to get you to mistake a counterfeit connection for a divine calling. The whole purpose is to derail your purpose before it ever takes root. So, my friend, if you find that you are pressing in for purpose and reaching out to God to discover what you were created to do and to be, there is a good chance that the enemy is going, “uh-oh, we’ve got work to do,” and he sends in the counterfeit.
Sign #2 – You Were Pressing in for Healing
The 2nd sign that the devil has sent this narcissist into your life on purpose is that you were pressing in for healing, so he sent someone to reopen the wound.
The enemy rarely attacks where you are strong. Now, don’t get me wrong, yes, he’s going to attack those areas where you’re struggling in pride – where you think you’ve got it all together – but he’s rarely going to attack the strength areas in the sense that those are the areas that are already submitted to God. Meaning that “I have enough humility to know not only what my gift is, but where my gift came from.” So, he will attack you in your area of strength if it’s an area of pride, however, what he loves to do is send someone who touches those places that you are trying to heal.
Now, at first, it’s going to feel like they’re so understanding, they’re so compassionate, until that compassion becomes control, and they use your vulnerability to silence your voice. They do this through guilt, through fear, and through “Christian” manipulation. So, what happens is, you start to second-guess your instincts, and you may even start to second-guess biblical truth, and you confuse submission with silence.
My friend, when discernment feels dimmed, that’s not humility, it is spiritual warfare trying to shut down your healing process. The enemy loves to get in just when you are on the cusp of a breakthrough.
Now, we talk about breakthrough a lot – I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of churches and a lot of places refer to ‘breakthrough,’ “your breakthrough is coming,” “here’s your breakthrough,” but what we don’t recognize is that to get to the breakthrough, there needs to be a breaking. So when we’re going through that breaking process, it doesn’t feel like breakthrough, it doesn’t feel like something worth celebrating, it feels like something is breaking, and that is when the enemy is going to come in through the side door, through a window, through the basement – wherever he can so that it doesn’t look like he’s deceptively trying to fool you, but what he’s looking to do is to trick you.
So, you’re on the cusp of healing, you’re pressing in, and he’s going to send someone who is going to reopen that wound, and he’s going to make you question yourself all over again. So your healing gets put on hold, and you have to address the wound that is created.
Sign #3 – You Were on the Edge of Blessing
The 3rd sign that the devil sent a narcissist into your life on purpose is that you were on the edge of a blessing, so he sent a distraction that looked like devotion.
Right before the breakthrough, chaos enters the chat. Suddenly, you’re spending all of your emotional energy managing them instead of moving forward. You start tolerating what once broke your heart, and then covert narcissist manipulation tactics start to get rebranded as misunderstanding. But here’s what I want you to remember – Isaiah 5:20 – and here’s what it says,
“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!”
The enemy is going to distract you with drama, so you’re going to miss the door that God is about to open.
I want to focus on this one for just a minute because I sense that there are so many who are on the verge of a blessing breakthrough. Now, I don’t mean to sound like some prosperity preacher, because that’s not what I mean, but we serve the God of blessings, we serve the Ephesians 3:20 God –
“Now unto him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above what we can ask, hope, or even think.”
So if you’re not even imagining it, it is small potatoes for your God. He wants to bless you. “How much more will He give to you?” If we, as mere humans, are so willing to bless our children, how much more does our Heavenly Father want to bless us?
And don’t think for a second, “Oh, I don’t need those blessings,” or “That’s prosperity preaching as far as blessings are concerned.” God is a blessing God, and especially if you have been praying for a breakthrough – it could be coming in the way of blessings. But the enemy is not having it! He wants to cut you off right at the pass – before you enter into that breakthrough – before you enter into that season of blessing. So here they come – from stage left – more toxic people. Maybe it’s the same narcissist, maybe it’s somebody different, but what he’s looking to do is to get you to fall back into those old patterns. Those things that once broke your heart, now you’re like, “Maybe now I’m in a better place,” “Maybe God is bringing this person in,” “Maybe this is part of my assignment,” and you’re sent down this toxic mental trail, and your focus is taken off of your Heavenly Father.
Do not call evil good, and do not call good evil.
I want to encourage you – if you have the sense that you are on the verge of breakthrough, that you know that your God is the God of blessings and you know that He loves you, but you’ve got these people coming out of the woodwork – I’m not saying that everyone has to be rejected, but I am saying that I want you to be very careful as to who gets your time, your talent, your treasure, and your attention. Be careful! And be very prayerful. Don’t just make the assumption that God brought this person into your life because “He’s going to restore this” – not necessarily. Be prayerful. Be careful.
Sign #4 – You Were Growing Spiritually
Sign #4 that the devil sent a narcissist into your life on purpose is, you were growing spiritually, so he sent someone to drain you dry.
The enemy knows at this point that he can’t steal your salvation. You are locked in, you are His, you are a child of the Most High God. He knows he cannot steal that, but what he can do is drain you spiritually. Whereas before, maybe you were feeling really close to God, but now you’re starting to feel that fog again. In the narcissistic world, we refer to FOG as Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. Maybe you’re starting to feel fatigued and more distant after every encounter. That is not normal exhaustion, it is spiritual depletion.
Here’s what I want you to remember – and I know that you have heard this probably countless times, but I want you to look at it with fresh eyes, because this is how the enemy operates, this is what the enemy does on both a high-scale level and then right down into our personal lives – it is Ephesians 6:12,
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
The narcissists’ chaos is designed to weaken your spirit, so that you surrender your peace before the real battle even begins. And, my friend, you are in a battle.
Here’s what I want to stop seeing – I want to stop seeing you begging God to renew your mind; I want to see you stop begging God to take thoughts away, to take people away, to do this, and to do that. He will orchestrate. He will rearrange the chessboard of your life the way He sees fit. Don’t worry, He’s already going to do that, but there are certain responsibilities that we have – James 4:7,
“Submit yourselves to God, resist the devil, and he will flee.” This is our job.
Romans 12:2, “Be transformed by the renewing of our minds.” Mind renewal is an inside job.
My friends, I want to encourage you to stop being so passive about this. If you’re pressing in and you’re trying to grow spiritually, and then something comes out of left field and you just curl up in the corner in a fetal position and give up, you’ve allowed the enemy to succeed over you. You’ve allowed his chaos to weaken your spirit, so you begin to surrender, and the battle hasn’t even begun. Because I promise you, daughter of the King, son of the Most High God, He is raising you to be a warrior for His kingdom, and the enemy hates that. He sees that coming down the line, so if he can cut you off at your weakest point, when you’re still struggling, when you’re still vulnerable, he will succeed.
I want you to have a Holy Fire determination to rise up and say, “Devil, no more! You will not use these people against me.” Stop fighting the narcissist. This is a spiritual battle, and it is a war for your soul, your mind, your will, your emotions – please do not take that battle lying down.
I am tired of seeing the body of Christ give in more to their feelings, more to their flesh, than they do the word of God. I am so tired of us giving in to our triggers rather than being true to our purpose. If we just apply James 4:7,
“Submit yourselves to God, resist the devil and he will flee.”
Your God is the God of promise – when the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him – your job is just to resist him.
My hope is that you will keep pressing in for that wisdom to know – “Is this person for me, or against me?” “Is this person here as a test of my faith or a destruction of my faith?” You have to keep pressing in. For some, we seem to think that we know what God’s purpose is when these people come in, or we think that this is just a fleshly battle, like it’s us against them. No! This is light against darkness, this is good against evil – the good operating in you and the evil operating in them.
So, I really want to encourage you – do not exchange evil for evil – because if you do, now you’ve taken the enemy’s bait, now you’ve become just like them – a pawn in his plan.
Sign #5 – You Were Discovering Your Identity in Christ
The 5th sign that the devil sent a narcissist into your life on purpose is that you were discovering your identity in Christ, so he sent someone to confuse it.
When you start walking in confidence, the enemy is going to send someone who is going to chip away at it. When you start walking in clarity, the enemy is going to send someone to cause confusion – one day this person is praising you, the next they’re criticizing you; one day they’re all over you, the next they’re withdrawing from you. And now, you start performing for their approval instead of resting in God.
This isn’t love, it’s identity left, and Satan knows that if he can make you forget who you are, you will keep seeking validation from people who can’t and won’t give it. Your worth needs to be anchored in Christ, not in their attention. And I know that there’s a lot going on now about validation, and the word ‘validation’ keeps getting thrown around – “They’re not validating me” – and, of course, we want to feel validated. We don’t want to be gaslit or have our feelings hurt and then be told that we’re wrong, but at the same time, we have to be so firm in our conviction of who we are and what’s going on within us that we can not be rattled when somebody gaslights us or doesn’t validate us.
My friends, validation is a nicety, not a necessity. I don’t need to be validated by you – my Heavenly Father is going to validate me… or… He’s going to correct me. I don’t know if this is you, but it’s often me, when I’m looking for validation, oftentimes God is looking to correct something. And that’s where the enemy wants to get us so grounded in the, “Oh, if I could just get them to see my side,” “If I could just get them to see how I feel,” “If they could just agree with me, I would feel all warm and fuzzy,” but the problem is that once I’m ‘fuzzy’ about that, 20 minutes later I’ll need validation in something else.
I don’t ever want my validation to be hinged on someone else. I don’t want my approval to be hinged on someone else’s validation. I don’t want my identity to be hung on someone else’s validation of me. We want to get to a place where we go to our Heavenly Father and whatever He says goes, and what He means we internalize. So we’re no longer internalizing the negative messages, the gaslighting, or even the validation, because let’s face it – a lot of times when we’re looking for validation, what we need is a kick in the pants. We need to be corrected and pulled out of the ‘I want to be coddled’ state of mind. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that’s always the case, but what I am saying is that validation is a nicety, it’s not a necessity.
We need to be so anchored in who we are in Christ, and we need to be anchored in whose we are. I have a unique identity, you have a unique identity – we have different personalities, we have different experiences, we have different goals, desires, and purposes – but we all share the same identity in Christ. My sister – we’re sisters in Christ. My brother – we’re brothers in Christ. So we have 2 sides to this – you have to know whose you are; I am a son of the Most High God, I am a daughter of the King – but then the other side, which takes just as much work and understanding is who you I; “who did He create me to be, what does He want me to do?” And I want to encourage you to discover the ‘be’ before the ‘do,’ because the ‘do’ is really just a performance issue, and if we do the ‘do’ before the ‘be,’ then we again struggle with the lack of identity and the lack of purpose.
Who did God create you to be? When we start trying to discover that – and it’s a bit of a journey – the enemy loves to send someone who’s going to confuse that identity – what you’re called to do, who you’re called to be. Maybe you’re an introvert and now you’ve got a couple of people in your life criticizing you for being so introverted, as if extroversion is somehow superior – or vice versa. Or maybe they’re criticizing you because you’re too loud, you’re too sensitive, you’re too this, you’re too that, you’re too… fill in the blank. And what we start doing, without even realizing it because we want to love these people, is performing for their approval instead of resting in our identity in Christ.
Sign #6 – You Were Starting to Set Boundaries
Sign #6 that the devil sent a narcissist into your life on purpose is, you were starting to set boundaries, and the enemy cannot have that.
So, when you finally start saying no, he’s going to send people into your life that say things like, “Oh, I thought you were a Christian,” or “Doesn’t God tell you to forgive?” And they’re going to twist your empathy into obligation. They’re going to use guilt to keep you chained to chaos. The enemy thrives in chaos, and so does the narcissist, but here’s what I want you to remember – when you are tempted to feel like you have to help carry someone else’s burden, when you feel like this is showing the love of Christ, remember Galatians 6:5,
“For each will have to bear his own load.”
Yes, you are called to love people, but love does not mean that you have to carry what only Christ can heal. When guilt replaces grace, the enemy has hijacked the relationship.
If any of this sounds familiar, I want you to take heart, it is not a sign that you’re weak, it is a sign that you are on a path to something greater. Something purposeful, something anointed, something useful for His Kingdom. The enemy is not all-powerful, he is not all-knowing, he is not all-present like our Heavenly Father is, so he has to be very selective in terms of who he sends and who he tries to derail. He’s not going to waste his demons on people who are going nowhere. If you’re just sitting around living a lukewarm life, he is going to bypass you, which, maybe you think is good news, but should be terrible news to you.
Remember, the enemy’s workforce is limited, so he’s going to send counterfeits to those carrying Kingdom purpose. But the good news… what the enemy means for your destruction, God will use for your good and His glory, IF you let him. IF you stop allowing yourself to get tangled in these toxic affairs, IF you resist the devil and his ambassadors, no matter how real the counterfeit works – IF you let him.
God has a far greater purpose for you, and yes, it involves blessings and healing, but your focus and your attention have been in all the wrong places. You keep trying to focus on fixing them – and yes, it’s great to understand what covert narcissist manipulation tactics and gaslighting look like, and it’s even helpful to be able to put a label on it – but that’s not where your attention is supposed to stay focused.
Your attention is also not supposed to stay focused on your pain, on what they’ve done, on the hurt, or on the victim mentality. You may have been victimized, but you don’t have to stay in a victim mentality, because if you enjoy that spot, if you enjoy the attention that it gives you, if you enjoy that being your identity, there’s not going to be a breakthrough because you’re placing a barrier there. If that is you, if you’re struggling with that victim mentality, if you like to complain to people and always talk about how you’ve been victimized, I say this with all the love I have – I need you to repent for that.
The enemy wants you to stay stuck in that mindset, he wants you to adopt that as your mentality. I don’t doubt for a second that you were wronged, that you were hurt, and that in some cases you were even harmed, but do not underestimate the power of our God. And please understand that a true follower of Christ is going to try to help you out of that place if you want it, but they’re not going to validate you in it.
Yes, you were hurt, and I am so sorry. That grieves God’s heart more than you can possibly imagine, but don’t continue to grieve His heart by staying stuck in that mindset. That is not what He has for you, and that is not your lot in this life. If you will allow him, He will transform your life in ways that you could not possibly imagine, but He is not going to override your will. If you want to stay stuck in that victim mentality, He’s going to wait, and He’s going to gently nudge.
It’s time to break free!
The enemy wants you curled up in the fetal position, serving a less-than-lukewarm Christian life so you do not overcome. Scripture tells us that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony, but what kind of testimony is a victim’s life? And again, I’m not saying that you haven’t been victimized, but my hope is that you will say, “No more.” So, let’s pray:
“God, I am not a victim, I am a victor. I am not a victim, I am your child, and what the enemy meant for my harm I’m going to trust that you’ll use for my good. So I surrender myself before your righteous throne, and I ask for your forgiveness. Forgive me for focusing all of my attention on the enemy, forgive me for focusing all of my attention on these toxic people. God, please forgive me. Forgive me for not following your spiritual command to submit myself to you.
Father, I have been in such a self-protective mode for so long that I confess to you that I don’t trust that you can protect me. It grieves me to even say those words, Lord, and I have hidden them in the deep recesses of my heart. I’ve put on a Christian face. I’ve said things in phoniness. But deep within my heart, Lord, I’m stuck. Father, I ask that you would come through the way of the Holy Spirit and do a breaking. Lord, I know that you’re the God of breakthrough, but I need the God of breaking right now. Break down my defenses, break down my walls, break down my excuses.
Lord, from this moment forward, I’m going to trust that you are the God who lifts up a standard against the enemy, and I’m asking for your discernment. Guide me, Father, in the way to go, the way to deal with these people – the ones that are so obviously toxic and the ones who come in with a sweet smile, but have a self-serving agenda. Lord, teach me the difference between guarding my heart and being so walled-off and closed-minded that I am of no good use to you.
Father, help me to lay down the hurt, the pain, and all of the brokenness – I need you to fix this – you are the only one who can. I give up. I’ve tried. I’ve held on to this, but it’s not working. I come before you right now and declare that I surrender all. Have your way.
Amen.”
My friend, the enemy is not going to waste any of his workforce on someone going nowhere, so I want you to take it as a sign when you are being attacked, when you are being tempted, that there is something on the horizon. Maybe it’s your healing, maybe it’s your anointment, maybe it’s your blessing, maybe it’s the true people that God is trying to send into your life, but whatever it is, please stop allowing yourself to get tangled up in civilian affairs.
Cut the Covert Narcissist Manipulation Tactics
Were you once confident, clear, even joyful, but after years in that toxic relationship, you now second-guess everything and wonder what happened to the person you used to be? Then this is for you.
Maybe you’ve begged God to heal the relationship, maybe you questioned yourself, tried harder, forgiven over and over, only to be met with blame, silence, or twisted words. My friend, that’s not love, that’s emotional captivity disguised as commitment, and it’s keeping you from the freedom that God intended for you.
That’s why I wrote Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip. This book isn’t about diagnosing them, it’s about delivering you. You’ll learn how to recognize covert narcissist manipulation tactics, respond without guilt, and stop being triggered by the person who keeps wounding you. So if you are ready to cut the strings of manipulation, set boundaries that actually stick, and reclaim your life from takers, order your copy today.
