Are you tired of feeling trapped by the lies, manipulation, and control of a narcissist? Do you ever wonder if God will actually free you from this toxic cycle?
Well, today I want to show you the 3 unmistakable signs that God is showing you your very own divine exit from that painful bond. You’ll discover; the signs that God is breaking the trauma bond and helping you finally see reality clearly, the number one unmistakable signal that God is preparing to remove that toxic person from your life, and the prayers that are actually keeping you stuck. By the end of this episode, you’ll not only see the signs of freedom clearly, but you’ll also understand how to stop carrying their chaos and finally let go of the guilt.
Part 1 – The #1 Sign God Is Preparing to Remove That Toxic Person
Imagine walking across a bridge believing it will carry you to the other side. At first, it looks solid, maybe even strong, but the more you step forward, the more cracks you see. The Wood begins to splinter, the ropes start to fray, and before you know it, that bridge is collapsing beneath you. You keep trying to patch it up, tying loose ropes, nailing broken planks, but no matter what you do, it keeps falling apart.
You see, that bridge was never meant to carry you forward, and some relationships are just like that. No matter how much you try to repair them, they continue to break. But what if I told you that’s not an accident and it’s not anything you’re doing wrong. What if the very thing you’re fighting so hard to fix is something God is trying to remove?
Have you ever noticed how, when things start falling apart in a toxic relationship, it’s like a mask is being ripped off, a switch is being flipped. What was once in the dark, like a seedy nightclub or dingy bar, now starts to come to light, and you start seeing things you never noticed before. Their words don’t match their actions, their kindness feels more like manipulation. And no matter how hard you try to communicate, no matter how much you try to show them, it only makes things worse.
This isn’t just a coincidence. One of the clearest biblical signs that God is removing someone from your life is when their true nature starts to come to light. When their true character is revealed – the lies, the manipulation, the hidden motives that were once easy to excuse, suddenly now become undeniable. Luke 8:17 says,
“For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.”
When God is preparing to remove someone, he starts by exposing who they really are. Yes, their true character – not the person they portrayed themselves to be – the real them. He needs you to see this because he’s going to do what you otherwise wouldn’t have done. Their mask is going to start to slip, and suddenly, the person that you thought you knew looks completely different. They’re not as sweet as you once thought, they’re not as loyal as you once hoped, and they’re certainly not someone you feel comfortable giving valuable information to. It’s like the blinders have been removed.
You would think that this would bring you tremendous clarity and peace, but instead, it often brings pain and even more confusion. That’s because what you once thought you had with this person now has the potential to have actually been built on lies. So instead of acting on that clarity, you start questioning their every motive and your every move.
I want to help you gain even more clarity on this confirmation. And to do that, let’s talk about what this looks like in real life. So let’s dive into the five signs that God is showing you their true character – number four is the reaction they’ll never recover from.
#1 – You Start Seeing Patterns of Manipulation More Clearly
Things that you used to justify now stand out as toxic, and you realize that their kindness was conditional, and their love came with strings. And the healthier you try to be, the more manipulated you feel. Well, that’s because they’re losing control, and, likely, this person has never learned how to relate to you, or anyone, in a healthy and Godly manner. It’s even more likely that they’ve always been driven by manipulation to meet their motives. You’re just seeing it now.
#2 – They Can’t Hide it Anymore
When toxic people start slipping up, it’s like an avalanche. You catch them in contradictions and straight-up lies. They say one thing today and something different tomorrow. Their excuses no longer add up. The things that they once got away with are suddenly coming to the surface, and people around you start noticing it too.
#3 – Their Mistreatment of You Escalates
At first, it was subtle, maybe even passive-aggressive – little comments, small guilt trips – but now it’s blatant. They don’t even try to hide their disrespect anymore. They’ve gotten away with their abusive and vile behavior for so long that they actually feel entitled to it, which is why they defend themselves so strongly when you try to call them out or stand up for yourself.
#4 – They Turn On You For Little to No Reason
When you stop tolerating their toxicity, when you call out their nonsense, when you challenge their lies, and then stand your ground, their reaction goes next level. Their default tactics are no longer working – the lies, the manipulation, the sweet smile, hiding a deceptive heart – all of it is exposed, and now they’re panicked. And that’s when they turn on you.
They don’t just get distant, they attack. They start blaming you, smearing your name, or trying to guilt-trip you directly or through others. It is the ultimate proof that this person was not for you. In fact, they’re proving that they’ve been against you.
#5 – God Removes the Rose Colored Glasses
There was likely a time when you cherished this person deeply, which is why you gave them chance after chance, grace after grace. Now I’m not saying that we don’t apply grace, and certainly not second chances when somebody repents – we certainly received more than we deserved. And I’m not saying that people can’t change, but where you once made excuses for them, now you can’t ignore the red flags. You can’t unsee what God is showing you.
There’s actually a story in the Bible that shows all of these signs. In 1 Samuel 18:10, we see that God exposed Saul’s true nature to David, and here’s what it says,
“The next day, a harmful spirit from God rushed upon Saul, and he raved within his house… And Saul hurled the spear, for he thought, ‘I will pin David to the wall,’ but David evaded him twice.”
David once served Saul with loyalty, but as God’s favor lifted from Saul, his true character started to show – the jealousy, the manipulation, the hatred – it all became impossible to ignore, and eventually God removed David from Saul’s presence entirely.
And maybe you’ve been feeling guilty for seeing the truth about someone. You’ve asked yourself, “Am I overreacting? Should I be more forgiving?” But when God is exposing someone, it’s not to punish them, it’s to protect you. If their true character is being exposed, don’t ignore it. God is showing you what you need to see so you can stop living in deception.
So what do you do next?
#1 – Stop Explaining Away Their Behavior
If you keep seeing the same toxic patterns, you don’t need more proof, you need to yield to what God is showing you. No, this doesn’t mean that you exchange toxic for toxic or justify more dysfunctional behavior; it means you pray.
#2 – Pray For Them And Pray For Confirmation
Ask God to make it even clearer if this person is meant to be in your life, or if he’s the one exposing them for a reason.
#3 – Prepare For Separation
When God exposes someone, it’s often the final step before he removes them from your life. Don’t fight to hold on to what he’s trying to take away. And here’s something that I need you to know – this removal may be permanent, or it may be for a season. Sometimes God separates us from someone so that they can come to repentance. However long the season, and for whatever reason, your job is still the same – keep your heart free from bitterness and stay open to God’s restoration if he leads you to true change. Romans 12:19 says,
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
Now, keep in mind this does not mean that you should just discard a marital covenant lightly, nor does it mean dishonoring your parents, but it does mean recognizing when God is pulling you away from toxicity for your protection, sometimes for a season, but always for a reason.
Part 2 – God Says Quit Praying This About the Narcissist
This is not for the faint of heart, it is not for the weak, but it is for the willing. If you are willing, there are some supernatural things that God can do through a difficult relationship.
I want you to think of it like a blacksmith forging a blade. The fire burns hot, the hammer strikes hard, and the process is painful, but in the end, the blade becomes something sharp, strong, and purposeful. And in this same way, God will use the fire of difficult relationships to refine and shape you into who he’s calling you to be.
You see, the enemy loves to wreak havoc in relationships. He knows that they are the purest reflection of God’s nature. In fact, in Genesis 2:18, we see God declare,
“It is not good for man to be alone.”
We are created for relationships – with Him and with one another. Relationships are where we get refined, stretched, and strengthened, but they are also where the enemy can do the most damage, and it often starts with a small offense that grows into some big bitterness.
You see, the enemy loves to take areas where you feel wronged, neglected, or unloved, and hammer them into your mind so deeply that the person you once loved now becomes the source of your greatest pain. And if he can get you to act on those thoughts, whether through anger, revenge, or despair, he’s going to count that as a victory. And before you know it, you or your spouse might be disengaging, stepping outside of the marriage, or giving up entirely. Or maybe it’s a parent who dismisses you or disrespects you, and instead of seeking peace, you withdraw entirely. Or it’s a sibling, instead of talking to her, you’re now talking about her.
The enemy is all about destruction. Now I’m not saying that there aren’t truly difficult people in this life. Some relationships are just downright toxic. But even in those situations – especially in those situations – God can do some of his greatest work. So if you’re wondering why God isn’t changing that person or removing them from your life, you’re going to want to hear this story.
There was a young man named Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers because of their hatred and jealousy. Now that, my friend, is toxic, but here’s the one key that takes this otherwise tragic story and starts to bring hope – God was with Joseph. Now you may ask why? Well, it’s because Joseph stayed with God.
Now, I don’t want us to have some false rose colored view of Joseph that he was always cheerful and carefree despite his circumstances. The truth is, he was human, and he no doubt was struggling with sadness, hurt, anger and even betrayal. And he likely felt abandoned, forgotten, and hopeless at times. But here’s the difference, he didn’t give in to those feelings, and he certainly didn’t make them his identity. Joseph walked with God, and God was with him.
And as you may know, the story continues with Joseph’s brothers coming to him during a famine, begging for food, fulfilling the dream Joseph had that actually got him sold into slavery in the first place. And then comes the famous line,
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” – Genesis 50:20
That, my friend, is the work that God did through Joseph. And that’s where most people stop for encouragement, and they should. It’s powerful to know that God will take what others meant for evil and use it for your good.
But what if it’s more than that? What if it goes deeper, much, much deeper? A depth that very few will experience, especially in difficult and toxic relationships. You see, it’s like a diamond being formed under pressure. The process is intense, it’s painful, and it takes time, but the result is something extraordinary, something precious and unbreakable. So let’s talk about the work that God did in Joseph during those years of struggle, the very transformation that prepared him for the work that God would do through him.
During those years of hurt and confusion in a toxic relationship, we often focus on what’s going on behind the scenes, the things we can’t see, the outcomes that we beg God for. “God, restore this relationship.” “God, get me out of this relationship.” “God, change this person.” – You get the idea. Our focus is so much on what the other person has done or is doing to us.
Now you might be saying, “Kris, you don’t get it – it’s them, they’re the problem – and you’re saying to focus on me like it’s all my fault.” But that’s not what I’m saying. Difficult relationships create distress in a person like nothing else – but I want to challenge you – if Joseph took that posture, that blaming victim-like posture – “Look at what my brothers did to me. God, aren’t you going to get them?” – There are key transformational truths that he would have missed that would have prevented God from working through him.
And I’m guessing you might be missing these powerful elements as well. I know I have. In my difficult relationships, my focus was all on the other person’s fault, and the hurts that they brought, and the sins that they committed. And the longer I stayed focused on those elements, the longer I stayed stuck. But the minute I allowed God to reveal what he was trying to do in me was the very moment everything changed – hope broke through and change shifted. And interestingly enough, the same things that God worked on in me, he worked in Joseph, and they’re the same transforming truths He wants to work in you.
Transforming Truth #1 – Forgiveness
The first transforming truth is like laying down a heavy backpack after a really long hike. At first, you don’t realize just how much weight you’ve been carrying until it’s gone. Holding on to resentment and unforgiveness feels justified when someone has hurt you deeply, especially if the hurt is ongoing, but that weight is going to pull you down. It’s going to keep you stuck in justification, rationalization, inventing, and if it hasn’t already, it’s going to suck the life and the joy right out of you.
Joseph had every reason to hate his brothers – they sold him into slavery – but he chose to forgive, and through the forgiveness in him, God was able to work miracles through him. He told them, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good,” and that act of forgiveness freed him from the bitterness and opened the door to reconciliation and a greater purpose later.
Please remember, forgiveness isn’t about excusing the other person. It’s about freeing yourself so that God can restore you and deal with them Himself.
Transforming Truth #2 – Patience
The next transforming truth is something that we all wish we could just skip, especially in the middle of a storm. And to be completely honest, it’s the one I struggled with the most. It’s the space where nothing seems to change, where the silence feels unbearable, where every fiber of your being wants to take matters into your own hands. But it’s in this uncomfortable space that God does some of his deepest work. It’s the one that takes your hands off the wheel and puts them in God’s hands, and that is patience.
You see, patience is like planting a seed in dry ground. You water it, you nurture it, and you wait, and you wait, and you wait. It feels like nothing’s happening – the soil looks the same, the seed is hidden, and you start to wonder if anything will ever grow – but beneath the surface, transformation is happening.
God is always working behind the scenes. And I know that’s the last thing you want to hear regarding your difficult relationship, especially when you’re praying for a breakthrough, but all you’re seeing are barriers. Patience is one of the hardest truths to embrace in a toxic dynamic. It feels like waiting in the dark, hoping for light, but not knowing when or even if it will come. “Is God going to change this person?” “Is God going to deliver me?” “Does God want me to act?” The silence can be deafening, but waiting on God’s timing can test every ounce of faith that you have, especially when the hurt continues or the other person refuses to change.
And Joseph knew this kind of waiting all too well. After being sold into slavery and unjustly imprisoned, he waited years for God’s promise to unfold. But in that waiting, God was working. Every day Joseph spent in the pit, in Potiphar’s house, and in the prison was preparing him for the palace. Joseph just needed patience.
Patience isn’t passive. It’s trusting that God is doing his work even when you can’t see it. It’s believing that the seed will sprout, the soil will shift, and God’s purpose will soon come to pass in his perfect timing.
And like I said, this one was a tough one for me, and sometimes it helped me to remember Lamentations 3:25,
“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, the soul who seeks Him.”
My friend, your waiting is never wasted.
Transforming Truth #3 – Humility
Now, the next transformational truth is one that victims of toxic relationships often miss. It’s like standing in front of a mirror that’s been fogged up after a hot shower, you can’t see clearly at first, and everything feels distorted, but when the fog begins to clear, you finally see the truth about yourself, and that’s when real transformation begins.
Humility is one of the most overlooked transformational truths in difficult relationships, and we tend to point the plank outward at their faults, sins, and need for repentance, but the truth is, even in toxic relationships, it’s never one-sided. Now, I’m not saying that you’re at fault, but I am saying that if you’re not willing to own your part, you will see stagnation in your prayers.
It’s not about making yourself small or accepting abuse. It’s about recognizing where pride, poor reactions, and other sins may have crept in, and allowing God to strip it away so he can shape you for His purpose. It’s saying, “Lord, show me what I need to change even if it feels like I’ve done nothing wrong.”
Joseph’s journey began with pride. He was a young man who shared his dreams of greatness with his brothers – remember they were to bow down to him – and his confidence, though rooted in God’s vision, lacked the humility that was needed to carry out that vision. His pride created division, fueled resentment, and ultimately led his brothers to sell him into slavery. Again, not that that was his fault, but God used the pit, Potiphar’s house, and the prison, to humble Joseph, to prepare him for the palace. And it was only through his humility that he was able to handle the authority that God later gave him, not only for his position, but also to reconcile with the very brothers who had betrayed him.
Humility isn’t a punishment, it’s preparation, and if you don’t do it, God will. Don’t believe me, just read 1 Peter 5:6. It says,
“Humble yourselves, therefore under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”
Transforming Truth #4 – Trust in God
The next transformational truth is probably one of the hardest to hold on to in the middle of chaos. It’s like stepping out onto a tightrope over a canyon where every instinct screams at you to turn back and grab onto something solid, but the only way across is to let go and trust in something greater to guide you.
Trusting in God feels easy when life’s going smoothly, but when your world’s falling apart – when your husband’s gaslighting you for the fourth time today, when your mother’s laying on the thickest guilt trip – it’s a completely different story.
Toxic relationships have a unique way of making you feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster while you’re stuck in a storm of never-ending chaos. And it’s during those times that your mind knows that you need to trust God, but you desperately cling to anything tangible to bring clarity and control. And let’s be honest, trusting God feels like you’re losing all control. So you bargain, you beg, and you say, “Okay, God, I’ll trust you for this, but not that.” “Okay, you can have this, but don’t touch that.” And little by little, he pries away our pathetic little fingers from each area of our lives that are gripping so tightly to the uncertainty.
And if anyone could have a reason to question God’s plan, it would have been Joseph. You see, after all, Joseph knew the dreams that God had given him, but everything in his life that was happening seemed to contradict the very promises he was told. And yet, through every trial and every doubt, Joseph grew in his surrender and trust to the Lord.
You see, trust isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about believing that God answers all of your prayers, and his answers are better than yours, even when you can’t see them yet. And like Joseph, when you trust God fully, he will lead you through the valleys and into the purpose that he’s preparing for you.
My friend, this is a test. God is not preventing, punishing, or pushing you away. He is preparing you, and some of the greatest preparations happen in the pressure cooker of life’s toughest times. And if God isn’t changing or removing this person, it could be because God wants to do a transformational shift within you. Start changing your prayers from “God, change them,” to “God, change me,” and watch the transformation that will take place, not only in you, but through you.
And yes, God will deal with them. I promise.
Part 3 – 3 Signs God is Breaking the Trauma Bond with the Narcissist
So what is a trauma bond? Well, a trauma bond is a deep emotional attachment that is formed between a person and an abuser. It’s due to cycles of abuse, manipulation, and intermittent reinforcement, and it happens when the victim experiences periods of intense highs – love bombing, apologies, and temporary affection – but it’s followed by intense lows – neglect, cruelty, confusion, and emotional withdrawal. And this cycle actually creates a powerful psychological addiction where the victim becomes emotionally dependent upon the abuser, often mistaking that addiction in that toxic relationship for love or loyalty.
Trauma bonds are common in narcissistic and abusive relationships, making it incredibly difficult for the victim to leave, even when they recognize the harm. At its core, a trauma bond actually tricks your mind into craving the very person who’s hurting you and is keeping you stuck in that unhealthy dynamic. So if you find yourself ignoring red flags, finding the best in the person, justifying behavior because of small amounts of affection or kindness, you, my friend, might be in a trauma bond. If you’re in a relationship with someone who lies and manipulates and undermines you, yet you cling to the fact that maybe they take you to your favorite restaurant, compliment you once in a while, or occasionally make you feel special, without integrating the reality of their consistent mistreatment, you could be trapped in a trauma bond.
A sweet gesture doesn’t erase consistent manipulation. A fleeting moment of kindness doesn’t override gaslighting. The good doesn’t cancel out the bad, it keeps you hooked. Trauma bonds thrive on intermittent reinforcement, where brief moments of warmth make you override the reality of the persistent toxicity, and this creates what is called cognitive dissonance, making it much harder to leave because your brain is wired to focus on the rare positives instead of the overwhelming negatives.
And as Christians, this can get tricky – we are called to love unconditionally, forgive endlessly, and extend grace upon grace, but when does that cross the line into enabling toxic behavior? You see, many believers mistake a trauma bond for Christ-like love because they’ve been taught to be patient, sacrificial, and long-suffering, and they assume that enduring manipulation, emotional abuse, and betrayal is all part of just carrying the cross. But Jesus never called us to be doormats for dysfunction. A trauma bond keeps you hooked on the highs and the lows, convincing you that suffering is a proof of love, but true Christ-like love is not built on fear, control, or inconsistency. It is built on mutual respect, truth, and righteousness. And if this love consistently leaves you feeling confused, drained, or devalued, it’s not Christ-like, it’s a counterfeit love designed to keep you trapped.
Christ came to set the captives free. He didn’t bind them to toxicity. So the question isn’t, “Am I loving enough?” It’s, “Is this love leading to truth and freedom?”
And trauma bonds aren’t just limited to romantic relationships. They can exist with a parent, a friend, a sibling, or even your own adult child. Any relationship that thrives on manipulation, guilt, and emotional chaos, where love feels like a constant cycle of highs and crushing lows, isn’t built on Christ-like love, it’s built on control. And when the connection is fueled by a fear of abandonment, obligation, or the hopes that things will finally change, it is not love, it’s bondage. And the last time I checked, God did not call us to live in chains.
So I want to talk about the 3 signs that God is getting ready to break this trauma bond. You see, breaking free from a trauma bond isn’t just about leaving the toxic relationship. It’s about God opening your eyes, strengthening your spirit, and calling you into true freedom. It is a process of spiritual clarity, emotional healing, and identity restoration. And if you have felt trapped in a cycle of manipulation, confusion, and emotional highs and lows, but things are beginning to shift, you may be experiencing God’s hand breaking this trauma bond in your life.
Sign #1 – Your Discernment is Growing
You see, when your discernment grows, you actually start seeing these people for who they really are. At first, maybe you were blinded by charm, a sweet smile, manipulation, or maybe it was even your deep longing for love, but now that veil is lifting. God is revealing their true nature. And you may not catch every deception immediately, but over time, you begin to recognize that their words are not matching their actions, their apologies are empty – in fact, they’re just a way to reel you back in – they twist scripture, or they use guilt to keep you under control. You begin to recognize that they’re not the person you once believed them to be.
My friend, God is sharpening your discernment so that you no longer excuse their behavior or override these warning signs. What once felt confusing is now becoming crystal clear. Hebrews 5:14 reminds us,
“But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by the constant practice to distinguish good from evil.”
God will begin to open your eyes, and discernment is going to start to grow. And a lot of times it begins to cause a little bit of confusion, because now you actually start to beat yourself up – “Maybe I shouldn’t be feeling this way,” “Maybe I should just find the best in this person,” “I just need to have a little bit more patience,” “I shouldn’t be thinking this way.” – but I want you to take a step back and ask God if he is revealing these things to you for a reason.
Sign #2 – You See Through Manipulation
The manipulation no longer works because you are seeing right through it. A trauma bond keeps you hooked because you believe their version of reality over your own, but when God starts to break that hold, their tactics actually stop working on you. Now, they’re going to be very surprised by it, and you actually may be very surprised by it, too. It’s going to cause you to kind of step back and maybe even judge yourself, maybe even criticize yourself. But when God starts breaking that hold that they have over you, their tactics will no longer work. You will no longer rush to fix things when they give you the silent treatment, their guilt trips won’t make you second-guess yourself anymore, and you won’t feel that same emotional pull when they love bomb you. You’re going to start to see right through it. You’re going to see through the gaslighting and no longer feel the need to defend yourself.
God is exposing their patterns so you stop responding to their bait, and the moment their words and their actions lose grip on you, that bond is already breaking. 2 Corinthians 2:11 says,
“We are not ignorant of Satan’s schemes.”
If you are in Christ, you have been given the mind of Christ, and there is no way that God wants to leave you trapped in this trauma bond. There is no way that God wants you feeling emotionally tethered to this person in a very unhealthy way. Yes, we are to have bonds with people, but true, healthy bonds are formed out of fire. They’re not just formed in the good times; they’re also formed in the fires of affliction – when you go through things together. That’s why some of the strongest marriages have been to the proverbial “hell and back,” because they endured this stuff together.
What you notice with a lot of toxic people, especially narcissists, is that they don’t want to put anything into a relationship. They just want what they want from it. So when you’re no longer serving their needs, that’s when you’re going to start to notice a little bit of that shift. Yes, they likely will try to love bomb you and reel you back in, but again, if God is breaking this trauma bond and he’s giving you the discernment, he’s causing you to see through this manipulation.
My friend, this is going to be a very shaky time for you, because you’re going to be severely confused. That old pattern of relating to these people, while you didn’t like it, at least, you kind of knew the dance that was taking place, but now, it’s being broken. And praise God! We want these chains broken. We want these bonds broken. We only want relationships that are formed in healthy bonds. We only want relationships that are formed through godly bonds, not trauma and not addiction.
And that’s basically what a trauma bond is – it’s an addiction to this person. You are craving so much of a little bit of what they have that you’re willing to tolerate all the garbage and the nonsense that comes with it, almost completely bypassing it. Think of somebody who’s addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or sugar, or shopping. There are all of these horrible, horrible side effects – debt, bad credit, diabetes – but they pursue that addiction for the short-term high, that short-term dopamine hit. And that’s what a lot of these traumatic relationships do? They keep you hanging on and hanging on for that one small dopamine hit.
And, if you think that these people, these narcissistic, toxic people, are ignorant of their devices, I want you to think again, because they know what they’re doing. They know they are manipulating you, they know they are using you, and they know that they only care about what they can get from you. They will push the envelope only so far, and once they start to notice they may have taken it a little bit too far, they’ll dangle the carrot again. They’ll give you a hug, they’ll take you out to your favorite restaurant, they’ll buy you something that you love, they’ll shower you with a little bit of praise, and then you’re hooked again. You’re like that gambler at the slot machine who just got that dopamine hit, and now it starts to fade again. You stay in because you know that hit is coming again.
This trauma bond needs to be broken, and this is not a time to start making justifications for their behaviors or thinking that maybe you’ve got some love connection that is so rare and outside of anything that anybody ever understood. My friend, it is not love. True love does not create bondage.
Sign #3 – Freedom is Calling
When God is getting ready to break this trauma bond, you’re going to find yourself desiring God more than their approval. And one of the biggest signs that God is breaking this trauma bond is that you crave freedom over keeping the peace. You’re no longer living in fear of their reactions, and their approval no longer controls you.
Does this mean that you are fully confident and you don’t care what they think? Don’t you care what they say? Absolutely not, please don’t be deceived by that. You’re still likely going to struggle with it, but now the difference is, there is a struggle, whereas before you were completely drawn to this person, completely addicted to this person, and you weren’t questioning whether this relationship was healthy or unhealthy. The struggle is indicating that there is a breakthrough on the horizon, so I want to encourage you to keep pressing forward.
At this point, when freedom starts to call, you are likely hearing God’s voice louder than theirs. Again, that doesn’t mean you’re not hearing theirs, it doesn’t mean you’re not struggling, but you are leaning into God more, and you’re recognizing that this relationship is actually hindering your growth, not helping it. You’re no longer feeling obligated to fix them, tolerate them, or conform to their expectations. Don’t get me wrong, you may still feel tempted, you may still feel guilted, but you’re starting to recognize that you’re willing to step away, even if it hurts, because you’re trusting in God’s plan.
As God loosens the chains, you’re going to begin to trust Him more than the false hope of change in this person. The trauma bond kept you enslaved to their cycles, but when freedom is calling, God is calling you into true peace. Do you want it?
Now I realize that that may be a, “Duh, Kris, of course I want true peace.” But I really want you to think about this for a second, because in your pursuit of this relationship, you have been chasing a false peace. The codependency has kept you hooked. If they’re having a good day, you feel at peace. That’s not true peace. If they say something nice to you, you feel good about yourself. You feel at peace. That’s not true peace. True peace is knowing that God has you, despite who you are and how they are. Galatians 5:1 reminds us,
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourself be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
That is what traumatic relationships do. They bind you by a yoke of slavery.
If you recognize any of these signs, my friend, God is already at work in your life. You’re not alone. You are not powerless. The trauma bond may have once felt like love, but God’s love is not confusing, conditional, or controlling. I believe that God is leading you into truth, healing, and wholeness in Him. Will you trust Him?
I want to pray for you. I want to pray that God is going to begin to break this fear, give you the strength to endure, and the peace to know that you’ve got such a brighter future ahead.
Father, we come before you in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus, Christ, our Savior, the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the one who came to set the captives free. Father, I pray that you would break the fear over that one reading right now, the fear that if they don’t hold on to this relationship, there will be no love. The fear that if they don’t at least accept the scraps that they’ve received, they’re not going to receive anything. Father, I pray that you would break that fear off of them right now. Set them free, Father, to worship you in spirit and in truth. Set them free, Father, to receive the healthy relationships that you are bringing into their lives. And Father, for those who have been stuck in a trauma bond, we know that it develops toxic behaviors in ourselves as well. And Lord, I ask that you would begin to break those behaviors. Lord, I pray that you would give them the strength to move forward, the strength to overcome, as they can only overcome through you. Father, give them the strength to start pushing through these withdrawal symptoms. These relationships, Lord, are so addictive – we miss their phone calls, we miss the small activities that they give us, we miss some of the feelings that they provide – but Father, you’re revealing that they weren’t built on true agape love. So Father, I pray that You would give that one reading the strength to endure and persevere past these withdrawal symptoms and bring them to the other side of victory. Father, I pray that you would watch over each and every one reading right now with your divine peace, the peace that says, “I am with you. I hold your yesterday, today, and your tomorrow, your future is bright with me.” Lord, we thank you that what the enemy means for our harm you will use for our good and your glory, and we rest in that mighty King, Jesus. We rest in your promises, we rest in your love, and we rest in knowing that Lord, you work all things together for the good of those who love you and who are called according to your purpose. So may that one reading right now drop those chains of bondage and begin to move forward in the divine purpose that you have destined for them. We pray this in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.
If you’ve spent years trying to love someone who blames you, twists the truth, and never assumes responsibility for their behavior, then this is for you. Maybe you’ve begged God to heal the relationship. Maybe you questioned yourself, tried harder, forgiven over and over, only to be met with blame, silence, or twisted words. My friend, that’s not love, that’s emotional captivity disguised as commitment, and it’s keeping you from the freedom that God intended for you. That’s why I wrote, Breaking the Narcissist Grip – A Christian’s Guide to Cutting the Strings of Manipulation. This book isn’t about diagnosing them, it’s about delivering you. You’ll learn how to recognize covert manipulation, respond without guilt, and stop being triggered by the person who keeps wounding you. So if you are ready to cut the strings of manipulation, set boundaries that actually stick, and reclaim your life from takers, go ahead and click here to order your copy today.
