Welcome to this insightful discussion on an important topic: What does the Bible say about gaslighting?

You’re too sensitive.
I never said that!
YOU’RE the one with the problem.
Why do you make everything such a big deal?

If you’ve ever had these words spoken to you, you, my friend, may have been gaslit.

Gaslighting is the withholding of information or pretending that you don’t understand what someone else is talking about in an attempt to get that person to question their reality and good judgment. It is the evil attempt to distort another person’s reality through lies and manipulation, and a desperate attempt for self-preservation.

Gaslighters project their issues onto you to divert attention away from their dysfunction or wrongdoing, and they don’t care who they harm along the way.

They will even go so far as to deny something has taken place even in the face of concrete evidence.

But gaslighting doesn’t typically end there. In fact, I have never seen gaslighting as a stand-alone behavior. It’s commonly accompanied by things like infidelity, narcissism, stealing, gossiping, and smear campaigns, just to name a few.

While the term gaslighting does not appear in the bible, a word that mirrors it certainly does:
manipulation.

That’s because gaslighting is manipulation. And the Bible certainly has a lot to say about manipulation. From watching out for false teachers to avoiding evil doers, God does NOT tolerate a lying tongue.

At its core, manipulation is a form of lying. When someone speaks falsely with the purpose of deception, they are being manipulative. Satan himself is the master manipulator.

There are several examples of emotional abuse in scripture, including Abigail at the hand of her fool of a husband in 1 Samuel 25 and Samson at the hand of the alluring Delilah, just to name a few.

Let’s dive in deeper, what does the bible say about gaslighting?

So, let’s look to scripture to shine light on what a healthy relationship should look like in comparison and in doing so provide Biblical proof that gaslighting is emotional abuse.

The famous love passage in 1 Corinthians 13 makes it clear that emotional abuse is wrong. The apostle Paul describes the actions of real love. 

First, he says love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4), but gaslighting is neither patient nor kind. Rather, it’s quick to flare up and deflect.

Love “keeps no record of wrongs” (verse 5), but gaslighting is all about pointing out how another person is wrong and has wronged you.

Love is not rude or selfish or prideful or irritable or resentful, but as with all emotional abuse, gaslighting is self-preservation.

Love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (verse 7). Emotional abusers only look to protect themselves.

As you can see, if you are not aware of the tactics used by these wolves in sheep’s clothing, you can easily become a target for their emotional abuse.

So, does “love” require you to bear with these emotional abusers? I don’t believe so. 

To continue to endure under such toxic behavior gives permission and acceptance to the abuser that their behavior is tolerated. God finds that behavior despicable, and so should we.

You may be thinking: “But they could change because of my love.”

To that I say, yes, they can change, but enabling the current circumstances all in the name of love will not bring about change—it will only keep the door open for further abuse.

In addition, there may be degrees of codependency within you that needs to be addressed. If you feel it’s your responsibility to bear with this person or even try to reform them, please check out my online course called Conquering Codependency Biblically.

So what do you do?

If this is any other relationship other than a marital covenant, it may help to glean from 2 Timothy 3:1-5: But understand this, that in the last days, there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

So, is emotional abuse a biblical release from marriage? Yes and no.

Scripture is clear that the only biblical release from marriage is infidelity or death (don’t get any ideas), and while you should get to safety in the cases of physical abuse, the term “emotional abuse” is sadly abused.

If my husband says something I don’t like, I can claim that he’s abusive. If he says it in a way that hurts me, I can label him abusive. If I get triggered easily from past trauma, I can accuse him of abuse.

Do you see how the area starts to grey?

Sometimes it is emotional abuse, other times it’s an excuse to check out of the marriage.

However, if you are in a relationship with an emotional abuser that you’ve tried to resolve issues with biblically, what do you do?

For starters, please know that God sees you and He is with you.

As for whether you stay in the marriage, each situation is different. Some situations can improve with good counseling, while others are too far gone and need remediation.

If you’re feeling at the end of your rope and are ready for divorce, before you pull that trigger, perhaps consider getting some distance from your emotional abuser.

A separation may be the only next step to protect yourself while still looking to reconcile the relationship under healthy boundaries and Godly values.

If you need a counselor, check out Faithful Counseling. They can pair you with a counselor that’s right for you.

You can’t make the abuser change, but you can refuse to accept further abuse. In the meantime, learn how to set strong, biblical boundaries. To do that, check out this episode.

Also, be sure to grab your FREE Toxic People Survival Guide. You can access it here.