The Problem With People Pleasing

By Kris Reece, Counselor, Coach, Speaker

The Problem with People Pleasing

Are you the one who is always such a great team player–your church knows it can call on in a time of need? Or you frequently come to your children’s rescue? Or everyone in your workplace knows you to be a cooperative, giving person? You may be a people pleaser.

People-pleasing is like perfectionism—praised in our society, but not a good thing. Let’s remove the mask of people pleasing and look under the surface at what truly exists.

Many people pleasers appear to be very kind and gentle people who just want to do good for others. But what typically exists below the surface is a great need for recognition and a fear of rejection.

3 Relationship Killers

3 Relationship Killers

Whether you are married, dating, engaged or single, exclusive, monogamous, cheating or playing the field, you are in numerous relationships. You relate to people all day long—be they kids, friends, co-workers, family or the barista at your go-to coffeeshop. How you relate to them determines whether those relationships will create happiness or drama.

Peruse your local bookstore and you will see shelves lined with books on relationships: How to be in relationships, how to end relationships, how to start relationships. I even saw one that talked about how to manipulate relationships. The majority of these books focus on the external factors of relationships—where to meet people, what to say, perhaps even what to wear. You could follow all this advice to the letter–wearing the right clothes, speaking with the right accent, even buying the right gifts, but you could save yourself so much time and energy (and sometimes money) if you would just steer clear of the biggest and most common relationship killers.

These 3 deal-breakers will kill a relationship faster than a monkey choking on a banana. Do them at your own peril. Avoid them to your own advantage.

Relationship Killer #1: Unhealed Hurts from Past Relationships

3 Things Every Mom of a Teenage Daughter Needs to Do

3 Things Every Mom of a Teenage Daughter Needs to Do

If you want a low paying, thankless, emotionally draining, time zapping job….than be a mom!  If you want to add a little bit of craziness and confusion….be a mom to a teenage daughter.

Raising children is tough, but raising teenage girls is a nightmare if you don’t’ know how to navigate through the turbulent teenage years.

These years are absolutely crucial to a girls success in life and overall sense of well-being and security.  So while many moms are throwing their hands up in the air and saying “I made it through, so can she”, this is not the answer.  Many moms back off at this point feeling as if they are losing control of their teenagers and while it can feel this way, it is actually not the case.  In many cases the relationship needs a bit of a shift.

There are 3 things that have helped me as well as countless women navigate through the turbulent teenage years with their girls.

What Shocked Me About Being a Step Mom

Being a stepmom is not an easy job. Many times it is thankless, emotionally draining and time zapping. You work so hard to help these children navigate through the difficulties of their situation, and then they forget about you.

Everyone likes to be appreciated, but if you NEED to appreciated; being a stepmom is not for you.

What shocked me most about being a stepmom was the children’s allegiance to their biological mother, despite how badly she behaved. Trust me, I’m not just talking a difference of opinion or personalities. I am talking about a woman who so maliciously does everything she can to get back at my husband, despite the fact that she stole money and cheated in their marriage. Her anger is covered in a façade of PTA meetings, fake smiles and heavily orchestrated sleepovers.

Parenting After Divorce – How to Co-Parent when the Co-Parent won’t Cooperate

From the moment you and your spouse said “I don’t” to your marriage, your children became confused, sad, angry and even traumatized.

In knowing this why do so many parents not take the time to recognize what their children need help with? Instead they spend their time and energy on getting back to their ex-spouse and “sticking it to them” as best they can. Often times at the expense of these young wounded souls.

Let’s begin by looking at what an ideal co-parenting relationship would look like. In an ideal co-parenting relationship, which yes there are many the two parents agree to put aside all anger and animosity towards each other. They cooperate and compromise on issues that pertain to the best interest of the children. It takes an undesirable situation and makes it workable.

The Secret to Being a Good Parent (and Three Ways to Do It)

The Secret to Being a Good Parent (and Three Ways to Do It)

From one home to the next, the differences in parenting styles can vary as much as night and day. One parent may never discipline her child in hopes of insuring love and friendship, while another may allow his children to make all the decisions in a misguided attempt to inspire maturity.

In this article, I’m not interested in addressing the flaws in the most common parenting styles I see in my counseling practice. Rather, I want to focus on the one thing that each approach is lacking.

We all know that there is more to parenting than simply feeding, clothing and chauffeuring our children. Yet in our world of corporate ladders and pursuing dreams, our children are often put on the sidelines. Because being busy 24/7 has become the norm, we don’t see that we’re doing anything wrong when we try to make up for the time we don’t spend with our kids by letting them call the shots or get away with bad behavior.

The one thing that can transform every parenting style is a quality relationship.

And how do you build one of those with your kids? I can tell you that it doesn’t require a Wii or a never-ending parade of activities. It does require time. Both quality AND quantity.

Here are three tips to building quality relationships with your children. They may require that you adjust some of your priorities. They may require that you sacrifice some of your time, but the results are well worth it. Believe me, what you skimp on now will only come back with a vengeance later.